Well, I know how to swim, swim… but not efficiently, as in, how to breath or not breath during the strokes of competitive swimming. I can swim to save my life or someone else’s, but if it were to compete I wouldn’t have a prayer out there. I know this because of O’ sweet Kyla….
Have you ever been on a slip and slide? Slipping down a slippery slope, speeding through water and plastic like your butt is ice? Those are the times I am talking about in this article, slipping on a slip and slide, down the hill in a spray of glory! My boys just received a gift…
So you probably are already aware of the fact that I am a pretty big football fan, I’m not sure exactly what would have given that fact away but it may have been my past writings such as What To Do About My Favorite NFL Team Helmets, What To Do About Wussy Football Team Names,…
I just happened to be league champion in my primary fantasy football league this year… AGAIN. I said “my primary fantasy football league” because I took part in 4 leagues this year, which was entirely too many by the way, but I won the league that was most important to me. The answer to the question ‘what to do about winning your fantasy football league…again?’ may seem obvious to some. One could celebrate by posting news of their victory all over the world wide web, or by reminding the other opponents each day for 364 days of the following year that you dominated them. My fantasy football team name just happens to be DomiNATE so that would work out nicely for me.
These are all great ideas unless you happen to be the league commissioner each year, as I am. Too many first place finishes will lead to skepticism and suspicion that the league might be rigged. So if you happen to find yourself in my position, here are a few suggestions:
1) The 5 Year Plan. Only really try to win every 5th year, this will keep the other league players still interested and excited about being in your fantasy league each year and will lessen the thought that it might be rigged. Which it isn’t anyways.
It’ll make you smarter!
I think I could stop this article right there, but alas, you would all be disappointed that you missed my humor. So I will indulge you in my humor, dry and sometimes misplaced, but humor nonetheless.
There is this game floating around that some of us (you know who you are) are enjoying on a daily basis. If you are not familiar with this game, it’s just like scrabble, only electronic and cooler because it’s on my iphone. This game isn’t a big deal unless you like to spell or in my case, are learning how to spell. So when people say I am addicted I smack them in their face and say NO!
Ok. Not really, but I am not addicted. People that are addicted to things forsake their families, food, and all hygiene. I, on the other hand, consider this game to be bettering my education! Can one be addicted to his education…? Well, I suppose, but if it happens you don’t hear about it very often.
Since I have been playing words with friends I have learned the i comes before e except after c. This newfound knowledge, plus beating someone in a game, can be quite liberating. Liberating from all those things that your mother-in-law said about you… “he’ll never succeed”, “you married a loser”, and “you can’t even spell success“. I’ll show her, I will win several games of words with friends, I will write an article about it, and then after it has been edited by Tim she will see…
You are thinking “I want to go out to dinner tonight”. So you do… and you find the best place. After you wait about 30 minutes you get seated. After you get seated you order your drink, your drink comes and you decide to lean in and tell your friend a funny joke. You then place your elbows on the table and that’s when it happens.
Yes! I know! Finally another article that makes you feel better about being a man. Manicles is what we call them and they inspire us, encourage us, and yes, dare I say, uplift us (I dared). Camping is
what brings us together, much like group bathroom breaks bring women together. Yes… that bonding time every man needs. A real chance to canoe, scope out a cool campsite, gather firewood, kill your own meat, and even pee outside without some girl saying “that’s gross, go wash your hands”.