I recently purchased a car and this car has balls! It has enough horsepower to do burnouts, donuts and 0-60 in under 9 seconds! So you can imagine my enthusiasm when I took it out for the first time to test its limits. I was swerving and drifting and spinning and skidding and having a…
Have you ever had that friend or family member who just gets all upset about other drivers? Well, I have both a friend and family member that are both very angry drivers. Both will remain nameless as to avoid outright akwardness in my future rides with them. Although we are keeping this anonymous, I am afraid that I will describe them in such a way that they will know who they are…
The friend – drives like someone punched him in the balls for no reason whatsoever. He is always flailing his arms and screaming profanities that are often uncalled for. Not to mention they are down right embarrassing! I am not one that cares too much for what other people think of me, that is of course so long as I am being myself. Yelling at other drivers that are abiding by the laws, but are maybe a little too cautious, is a little bit too much. Which I believe it to be more effort to curse and carry on than to just go around. This effort is something that is practiced so it would not be what comes naturally. It’s a bad habit.
You know how we here at WTDA sometimes use this blog for mindless venting? No?… Well we do! It’s time you know. I recently purchased a car and I did this on blind faith and a plan. My plan was to call about a car that I was interested in, back in my home state of Ohio, and then see if my father-in-law could go look at it. If he could look at it, then maybe he could negotiate the deal for me, or at the very least tell me straight up what he thought about the car. The good news is, he did, and then said it was a great car. I soon called the owner and made him an offer he could not refuse… He refused it. So I counter offered, accepted!
We talk about cars a lot here at the what to do about headquarters, because we like fast cars and faster digestion! I know you were thinking I was going to say women, but alas, you are wrong… again.
Cars are better than women because they don’t talk back, and when you give them gas they don’t slap you! I mean, who’s ever complained about their car and their woman in the same sentence… unless it’s in a country song. I sometimes feel like I could detail my car in half the time that my wife could get herself ready. I mean come on, really? The beauty of a good clean finish on your car, you know that? When it gleams in your eye almost winking at you. That. That my friends is when you know you found something special, something that can only belong between a man and his car.
Now that you have found this lovely piece of machinery you must get it or keep it clean depending on the condition of the vehicle upon purchase. I have comprised a list of instructions for the detailing of your new chariot:
Well, I assume you know enough about me to know that I had a car and then it broke down…? No! Well I suppose you have some reading to do. Done? Good.
My car hunt is over!! I found the car of my dreams! No, really! I have been after this car since 2001. My friend Tim and I used to sit around and talk about having one. After all these years I finally found one, or found one cheap enough, whichever works. I purchased my car this last week and it has been amazing, the whole process was a blessing in itself. It is everything that I thought it would be and so much more. I told my wife it was like seeing a naked woman (her) for the first time, you keep looking again and again to make sure you are seeing what you think you are seeing. She laughed and said that I was crazy, if she only knew…
I started driving my car on my daily rounds about the city, training and bringing pain to select persons. This seemed new and quite exciting as does everything that I do in my new car. One thing that felt really new was spinning donuts in it, this felt new because I have never had a car that would spin a donut on anything other than snow. It was a scene straight out of Motor Trend magazine and it, my friend, was glorious. There is nothing like the smell of fresh burnt rubber after a fresh burnout, it’s so good I am thinking about bottling it as a new scent for men!
I am writing this article for two reasons: 1) the other guys didn’t want it, 2) I feel obligated, like a messenger from the north sent to share the wisdom of the weather with the south.
I feel like I should have a cape and a scroll with wise proverbs and instructions from the good people of the north… hmm… maybe a nice velvet robe too… I don’t know, maybe not. Or, should I have a club (blunt object) for each piece of advice I share? One that says, “plow your streets, then apply salt”, number 2 would say, “don’t sled on the street, especially when there are brick mailboxes around you”, 3 would say, “never use a shovel to clear snow off your lexus, or any other car for that matter”.
I just want to provide some basic tricks of the trade, from the good people that brought you deep dish pizza, sky line chili, and car manufacturing. How to survive the snow would be what I would call it… NO, Wait! Surviving snow for dummies! is even better.
We recently received about 5-6 inches of snow, depending on who you ask. This snow, or Armageddon as it’s known here, came on us after two failed attempts at getting the weather prediction right in the first place. Once they had finally figured out if the snow was coming (2 hours before the first flake) ALL the schools were closed and most businesses decide to close early. As if this weren’t enough, the impending snow came and fell as finally forecasted, the rest of the city “clocked out” as it were.
I recently found myself carless and shopping like there was no tomorrow. I had set a goal to make enough cash to buy my wife a car after the first of the year. To my surprise, I found myself looking for a car after the mechanic told me that my car would look good at the buttom of a lake… A boat anchor!! I was bummed, I love my 14 year old Mercedes Benz. The list of repairs was exstensive and expensive so I took their advice and drove it into the lake.
So now I need a car, instead of buying my wife some wheels, we have to find me a car. I jumped right onto the trusted online shopping mall I like to call craigslist. There’s only one problem, this mall looks more like a flea market, but with convicts from other nationalities.
The nationals want you to send them money and they will ship you a car! Ship me a car!? Who does that!? Not this guy, I am not going to send you a check to help you out for something I have never seen or driven. Shhhyeahh! Right!!
These scammers used to do this with bank accounts and then moved up to telling you that you have an inheritance coming from some dude you don’t know. Now they want to ship cars to us for our inspection and pay them before they ship these “cars”. Craziness!
What makes this even funnier is that the website has at the top of the page “anything involving car shipping is a scam”. Not ‘maybe a scam’ or ‘could be a scam’ but it is a scam!
Do people fall for this?