*The following article is from a client and friend of mine (wtdaterry). Alice lets me beat her about the head and neck during boot camp. She is as funny as she is crazy for coming to see me everyday. You can check out her other work here. She’ll write your pants off, if you pay her!
In the event that your city experiences record-breaking rainfall with predictions of even worse rain fall tomorrow, there are some basic things you’ll need to have in place to ensure that this experience is productive and memorable. First, panic. In fact, don’t even think to check your basement until it’s been raining for 15 hours. Then check, realize you have 5 inches of standing water in your basement…millimeters away from taking out your heating unit. Then panic. Sure, when you moved in you were told there was a sump pump in the basement but you never bothered to see how it worked, much less see if it worked. Now as you wade through the freezing cold water, you locate it curled up in a corner, completely submerged. You have no idea how to use it.
Call your mother. Call your sister. Call your brother. Does anyone know how to use this damn thing? Wish you had bought that loft when you had the chance 4 years ago. Wish you had an ark. Wish you had waterproofed your basement. Walk back downstairs to stare in disbelief. Hope that there’s not a dead body floating or a muskrat swimming about. Your mother and neighbor come over to help. Nothing works.¬†Growl at your mother.
Text your personal trainer who lives nearby. Convince yourself it’s not awkward, texting your personal trainer at 9 pm¬†to help save your basement. He’s a guy. He has to know how these things work. It’s genetic. You’re in flip flops losing your mind and you’ve done over 500 sit-ups in the past month. He owes you. Wish you had a margarita and dark chocolate. He arrives, fixes the pump, and the water slowly starts to drain. Hope that your basement doesn’t cave in, mildew, or flood even worse tomorrow. If so, invest in a kayak and tequila.