I want to start by saying that there are few things on this planet that I swear or swore I would never do, this list includes:
-Driving a mini van
-Living with my in-laws
-Living with my parents
-Having more than 2 kids
-Holding my wife’s purse
-Buying femine products for anybody for any reason whatsoever
Notice at the top of this list you will find that driving a minivan is number one. So this would be the one thing that I would be forced to do, right? I mean isn’t this the “thing” that happens? You think your safe because you will never let yourself get into any situation where you will have to compromise any of these standards. Then bam! Like a Mack truck you are hit with it and you can’t get away from it, hence my predicament.
My car, the car that I love so much and am thoroughly grateful for has a real bad oil leak and then it can’t pass the stupid E-check down here in the south. Stupid south! It might as well be sitting on blocks in my drive way, taking up space and dripping oil. I am fortunate to have a van to borrow… or unfortunate depending on your point of view, which would be mine. I have this testicle shrinking, de-masculining, laughable loser-cruiser of a minivan.
Don’t get me wrong I am happy to have something to drive till my car gets repaired… but a minivan, really? No one ever says “you can borrow my corvette” or “yeah, go ahead and take the hummer”. I would even drive a station wagon over a minivan any day, But alas I have no choice but to hang my testicles from the mirror and drive around and not get the respect I deserve from other drivers. Not to mention trying to pass someone, it feels like a tractor trying to shift into “passing” gear. Grin and bear it and hope that nobody sees me!
If you love minivans (and you know who you are) you need to make sure that you can at least still pee standing up. Because nobody should tell you how to pee or that you need to buy a van, unless it is the A-team van but that will never happen.