It’s not sexist to watch your wife wash your car (or mow your lawn) in a bikini, it’s art! If there ever was a reason to watch a woman do anything, it is a right of passage in a marriage.

The same principle applies for mowing the grass. It seems wrong to let her, but if she wants to help, who am I to say no. I mean she loves to help and I actually needed it. No pride here. I was strictly too busy and I trusted her to keep the lines straight, Lord only knows how many times I made her read WTDA MOWING YOUR LAWN before she did it. She knew what to do and when I got home from work I could sit out side sipping a pina colada and watch her wash my car. Sure she missed a few spots and nearly ran over the cat, but those things are expendable. Her heart was in it and that is all I need, most of the time. Our marriage is good, she will tell you that! Especially when she uses her charm to get me to wash the dishes or clean the toilet. I do it with a smile on my face and spring in my step.

Fellahs! Don’t discriminate, let the wife help cut the grass, it can be a great relationship builder and who knows?… maybe she will let you sleep in the same bed as her when you finish… so long as you wash your hands. Next thing you know, she will be showing you how to fold towels. In a marriage, we call these things (towel folding and grass mowing) foreplay! I know it used to be the stroke of her hand on your face or the soft kiss on the lips that used to do it, but now… Now it’s the way she turns the mower or the way you place the towels on the top shelf… that is what light the fires of passion in the life of a seemingly boring married couple. Just wait till she finds me doing the laundry in a bikini! It will be grand!

I don’t do much to the woman, an occasional pinch in the pants or maybe I will jump out from behind something. I can’t really remember too much of why she would be so bent on revenge. I do remember doing the dutch oven a couple or ten times, then there was the pushing while she was showering, but that was just funny. Despite all this I still can’t think of anything that would spark so much anger, she is so meek I didn’t think she would at all mind if I hid her clothes after her shower. It could be the time that I acted like I was dead, floating in the tub, but I doubt it.

She does let me write about her alot and says that “as long as people laugh, it doesn’t matter what you say about me”. I thought that was cool, she is cool… it was a cool thing to say. Still I can’t think of any reason to fight back, I mean it’s all good fun like the other day when she said don’t throw me in the pool, but I just assumed she was being shy and threw her in anyway.

Oh wait, maybe it was the time when I reached my hand in behind her and tickled her like a spider and she friggin flipped out. Maybe the time when I turned off the shower, or yesterday when I dumped ice water on her. Yeah, she hates… maybe that is why the other night while I was trying to take a pee before bed she decided it was time to snap and push me.

Yeah she pushed me hard and I peed all over the place, man that made me mad. I guess I deserved it. She laughed long and hard about that. So much so that she was shaking the bed for about 30 minutes, I think that made it even worse.

What to do about teasing your wife? Stop it.

One place where it can be interesting to see what you can place in your pockets is at the movies. I am definitely one of those people who usually try to sneak my own snacks into the movies instead of buying the movie theatre junk food. I’ve been known to sneak a pint of ice cream in, even though that would not fit in my pocket. One tip would be to wear a hoodie, it’s a lot easier to fit items in the pockets of a hoodie than in your pants.

There are a few items that no one should ever put in their pocket, they include the following:

1) an open blade

2) a burning cigarette

3) a needle

4) scissors

5) a scorpion

6) shark teeth

7) a porcupine skin

a viper

9) fire ants

10) anything that’s ticking and not a watch

…and finally if you‚Äôre a girl here‚Äôs a bonus: a banana

Well that’s all I’m gonna say about that.

Thanks for reading.

Buy her some organic dark chocolate, give a piece to the kids then put them to bed early. Then you give your bride a nice back or foot rub and go straight to bed. Why? Because you don’t want to assume, well… you know.

Girls – just be nice and do something sweet for your husband or boyfriend with no expectations.

Guys Рjust be nice and do something sweet for your wife or girlfriend with no expectations. Besides, nothing says loving like a good nights sleep… especially with quiet kids, a loose back, and a tummy full of chocolate!

Nighty night.


Remember, don’t buy your girl flowers, buy her a burial plot and other people will bring the flowers.

Remember, flowers fade and die, but a tree is for hugging.

Remember to get your sugar some sugar cause daddy’s got a sweet tooth tonight.

For you singles out there, just go up to someone and say: “How much does a polar bear weigh?” Then say, “Enough to break the ice, Hi I’m _______.”