Well, I remember just last week, when we came home from that very scenario, nestled in the bed with our youngest boy. The feeling of the warm covers, the smell of my pillow after a long week away, the feel of the next day being open to sleep in. Drifting into sleep, I am taken swiftly to a sweet dream filled with white puffy clouds and puppies rolling and playing in the tall meadow grass. Just then, I hear a brook and I wander over to see it and find that the water is warm. I jump into the water, swim over to a little waterfall, and play in the falling water. I notice that the water has a fragrance… it is not a pleasant smell at all. As a matter of fact it is quite horrible, it smells like… like…. VOMIT! All over me!!

My son who, might I add, was sleeping in between my wife and I, coughed so hard and with his head cocked back that he threw up like a fire hydrant. And no, not like a fire hydrant on a hot day in the middle of the summer, but more like a fire hydrant after you just warmed up from a run. The water from said hydrant was hot and smelled of old meat and stagnant dairy.

My kids tend to vomit like a tidal wave on some rocks, wet and pissed off! It is never in a trash can or a toilet and it usually finds its way up the walls, behind car seats, and all over my face!

There are ways to avoid kids and vomit:

-Don’t have kids.
-Don’t take your kids out of your home (this will help them to stay well).
-Don’t let your kids sleep in your bed. No matter how tired and lazy you are.
-Don’t feed your kids things that will knowingly compromise their immune systems and then wonder why they are sick.

I would love to see your suggestions on this subject. Please let us know how you deal with your kids vomit.

You will first want to find the mf that suits your musical preference, whether it be blues, country, jazz, singer song writer, new age or the only true festival (in my opinion) is a good old American rock and roll festival. No matter where you go, you will most likely be camping; this can be avoided if you don’t want the full experience. You will want to find a hotel close, and soon, because most festivals sell out hotels very soon. If you are ready for sleepless nights under the stars while you hear different renditions of “Kumbaya my Lord”, or at the rock festivals “the summer of ‘69”.

Although I do like a good mf, I would rather stay off the grounds, my sleep means too much to me. Not to mention it is easier to stay 14 hours when you have had a good night’s sleep. Another thing to consider is nutrition; you will want to eat as often as you would eat at home if not a little more. Doing this will ensure you don‚Äôt get sick or get weak as you will be on your feet all day. This may be difficult if you don‚Äôt have access to this food. Some festivals have stores inside them but beware they are not a price mart or a costco. Their prices will make you wish you weren‚Äôt hungry at all. So stock up before you go and make sure you have plenty of ice. Which leads me to my next subject.

Water is as important as toilet paper when it comes to mf’s. You will need to drink 8 ounces an hour or more depending on how much you perspire. Which means maybe you want to rethink dancing, or for those of us at the rock mf, moshing… knee slapping if you are at a blue grass festival, maybe shouting yee-haw if you are at a country festival. Anyway you slice it you need to be hydrated this will help you not get dehydrated and keep you cool also.

Now when at an mf don’t expect a shower and especially don’t expect a clean toilet. Those are two things that you will need to grin and bear. The port-o-johns are crappy, pun intended… but have no fear, you will be comforted by the cold shower to get those germs off of you. I like a cold shower it makes me feel alive, I don’t need to be boiled when I shower… even though sometimes I like a hot one, cold is more often what you will find at a mf.

When attending a music festival you will want to remember to bring some baby wipes for a quick wipe down in the port-o-john or at the campsite as the day goes on. I will say nothing feels quite as good as a cold wet wipe in a hot port-o-john. It’s like wiping with an ice cube, I do it sometimes at home just for fun.

Last thing is, remember to pace your self in this matrix of music. Keeping yourself in tip top shape for your favorite musical act will make it all worthwhile. On the other hand if you cannot take a sweaty toilet seat or eating out of a can or maybe walking in mud from the recycled shower water that they spray on the dirt to keep dust down… then you may want to reconsider your vacation destination. Otherwise have a great time and fellas remember to lay off the hot wings when you have to share a toilet with 30 thousand of your closest friends. Ladies remember no matter how hot it is if you are over 160 pounds please no belly shirt or spandex. It’s hot enough out there, don’t make us sweat any more than we need to wondering when something unsightly is going to fall out.

That being said, have a great summer and if you are in the pit with me beware I like to get my groove on, or something like that.

- I am 26 years old. Gas in my hometown is $3.74/gallon right now. I started driving when I was 16. Gas in my hometown then was $1.04/gallon. I am not great at math and had to actually write that subtraction problem out and it looks to me like gas has increased $2.70 in a mere 10 years. Now THATS some inflation baby.

- Why has gas gone up so much? The quick answer to that is that we as a country rely way too much on the ‚Äúoil nations‚Äù for our oil and they simply aren‚Äôt supplying. Saudi Arabian officials are making it clear that they don‚Äôt feel that they need to raise the production of oil… that they are already meeting demand even though the U.S., as well as other nations, have basically been begging them to up production.

- Oil is over $127/barrel right now. That is a record high. There are some extreme predictions that are saying we are looking at $200/barrel by as early as summer ‘09. At $200 a barrel we are looking at around $5.50 to $6.00 per gallon of gas. Can you imagine paying that much for gasoline? At $6.00/gallon a twenty gallon tank will cost $120.00 to fill up. $120.00!!!! Who is going to be able to afford to pay that? Michael Jordan, Bill Gates and Steve from He is Legend that’s who. Not me though.

- We COULD start to offshore drill for oil, refine it ourselves and slowly begin to not have to rely on everyone else to supply our thirsty demand. Everyone else is doing it…pretty much every country that can. China is drilling 20 miles off of key west, FL. Sure there are some downsides to this idea… mostly environmental, but heck there are some downsides to paying $6.00 or more for a gallon of gas as well. The prices of almost all goods are going up because of the rising price of oil. Just think about how much it costs a truck to deliver apples from Washington state to Virginia. Its crazy!

- It’s not promising that any presidential administration is going to alleviate this problem significantly. Oil is expensive and as long as we have to rely on others to meet our outrageous demands and as long as we continue to pay the ever increasing price for this product we can forget about the price of it going down.

- So what to do about the rising price of gasoline?

If you have to commute very far to work or school, I suggest that you either move closer to your job or find a job closer to you. Either that, or try to get your boss to give you a raise, but good luck with that.

Otherwise get a bike. Me = Depressed

Americans love road trips, at least the good majority do. I only recently started to like these trips; I used to dislike them very much. Usually they were so very long and uncomfortable… not to mention I wasn’t going to places I really wanted to go. This has only recently changed because now I do the driving and if I don’t want to go I don’t go. I am a little bit of a control freak when it comes to driving. If I am not at the wheel life sucks… I am serious too… I don’t like to be a passenger. I can’t sleep in cars while others are driving, only when I am driving. I can’t read when driving… no matter if I am driving or if some one else is, it makes me sick to my stomach to take my eyes off of the road. So you see I am bound to the wheel forever, I have to be in control.

Enough about me, what kind of driver are you? I bet I know… you are the fella that stays in the left lane even when you are going slower than the traffic on your right. That means you are the single reason for rage on the roads. I don’t recommend road rage, road rash, or even rocky road. I just think if certain people knew their place on the highway less of us would be ready to through down at a moments notice. For example, if you are in the fast lane you better be at the very least going faster than anyone in the lane next to you. Think of the fast lane as a runway, you are getting ready to pass someone when you jump over into it and then you are surprised at the flood of horns and middle fingers behind and to the side of you from people wanting to get around you. This is where I come into play I am the guy that goes around you on the right nearly missing your bumper and the guy in front of me. I call this skill… most people call it reckless, but they either are not very talented in the field of aggressive driving or they are the people in the fast lane going slow. Either way this scenario would cause the people around you to be very unhappy and aggressive. So move!! Then keep your middle finger to yourself. I always say if you are ready to go toe to toe with the person that you are flipping the bird then by all means go for it. If not you belong in the slow lane, think of it as training wheels.

Now that my venting session is over we should talk about onboard urination, or as I like to call it…pissing in a bottle. I feel as though I have perfected this art. Driving down the road at 80 mph with the steering wheel in one hand and the bottle of piss in the other. Now you know why I am dodging traffic in any lane… so there is no peeking at my pecker and so I don’t spill it. You can only imagine the anger when I have to slam on my brakes to slow down and the urine shifts rapidly to the front of the bottle only to return with more force all over the car and myself. I would much rather burn my car than to touch my own urine. So if peeing in the car it helps to have some help… and if anyone sees you just smile and wave.

Gas on these road trips can be an obstacle also. You will want to refer to my article on gas prices. Yes, that was a very shameless promotion of my other work.

So we have covered some interesting nuances of road trips here today. There will be more on this topic. So carry on with your rage, just remember to stay out of my lane and shut off your turn signal! It has been on for twenty miles!

So you‚Äôre traveling? Sounds like fun… I bet you are getting really tired and I will also guess you are looking for a great deal on a room. Well here is the thing, you will have to be wise about where you are going to stay. If you are on the highway it will be easier than if you are going to a more rural location. That is where you stand a greater chance to get raped by a drunk Asian with no teeth.

Maybe you are like me and have no standards when it comes to a hotel. I will stay anywhere no matter how trashy it is, that is, until I found the abominable Star Hotel in the wonderful town of Macomb, Illinois. I know I should protect this hotel by not using the name, but consider this a service to you…yes by giving you the name of the hotel hopefully I can save you from the misery.

When you start out looking for a place to stay do not go thru the phone book. This will keep you from the bargain beaters that will be cheap and ridiculously filthy. Most of these establishments pride themselves in clean rooms and I know this because I can see it real bright all night long shining through the window in red neon. The problem is that their understanding of a clean room is terribly wrong. At least the pool was nice… except for the progressively green color as one moves toward the deep end. Then there was the nice acoustic ceiling tiles that actually did nothing for the sound coming from next door.

A word to the wise and I guess I should take this advice also: if the hotel where you are staying has permanent tenants then you are at the wrong place. Or, if the hotel you are staying has a glass guard with bars to protect the cashier maybe you are in the wrong place. How about if the hotel adds ten dollars for every extra person in your room then you are in the wrong place. Or, if the man in charge is named Fernando, Abdul, or bubba then I assure you, you are in the wrong place.

You may have made this decision, and now you don‚Äôt know how to get out of it. Well‚Ķ there is no way out, you will be charged for the cancellation no matter what the excuse. The only way out is to beat the hell out of the man in charge. Now of course I am not condoning this behavior… it surely can‚Äôt be the best way to deal with this situation. The good news is nobody has to know.

So try and not make the same mistake I did, which is stay in anything less than a two star hotel. And especially stay away from the Star Hotel and any hole-in-the-wall rural hotel. The neon light is not a good thing, under that light lays trouble, and probably a hidden camera in the shower.

What you CAN do about cheaper rates on a hotel is when making a reservation at any hotel you can ask for the manager and tell them that you know that they will have empty rooms tonight. They will agree and then you say “I can help with that, I am looking for a room tonight but I am on a tight budget”. This is when you low-ball them. You will want to make sure that you get the price dropped fifteen dollars or more. You will be surprised how fast they will negotiate with you. Don‚Äôt take no for an answer. So now you are set… all you have left to do is buy some bubble wrap (usually used in packing). You will place this under the doormat to make sure nobody is sneaking in to try and rob or rape you in your sleep. With that said, good luck and good night.

Also, you could just go to Hotwire… I like them, they have some nice deals and have minimum standards for the 2 stars on the site. Now with that said, again, good luck and good night.