Tag Archives: parents

What To Do About KIDS AND CHEESE

Now I know I have touched on kid topics before, especially kids and their condiments. Well now-a-days my kids have done just fine coming away from the ketchup. They had the occasional flashback, then there was the cold sweats after that, but now we are good.

Other kids though, they are quite different. As a matter of fact we had a child over that was quite found of condiments. Not only that, the boy loved cheese, he wanted it on everything. He asked for cheese for lunch and dinner, but the kicker was when he asked for it on his pancakes. Pancakes!!

I believe his words were “I would really like this with cheese”. I can’t understand if he was serious or just buying time to avoid actually eating his breakfast. Either way it sounded real nasty!

Why are our kids like this? They seem to only be attracted to the worst foods and/or the worst foods for you. I mean, our cheese was good… we don’t fool with that crap yellow cheese, no sir, we like our cheese raw… from raw milk, it’s delicious! So maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing. I mean, you could do way worse– like hot sauce!

If your kid wants to cheese it, just tell them to chill out. Food is made to be different! And no ketchup either! No matter what, unless it’s with french fries fried in avocado oil. No ketchup on the toothbrush either!

Happy parenting!

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What To Do About THE DIAPER OF DOOM

One day, there were two little boys, one was 5 and the other 1.5 years old. They were having breakfast in the living room mainly because sponge bob was on and mom thought it would keep them quiet and she could do some kitchen work. While dad was busy from the moment he got up, tackling many tasks in the home office, when comes out of the silence, “Mom, Ezra has a poopy diaper”. Followed by a few short minutes and then, “Mom hurry”, approximately 3 minutes later she went into the living room and to her utter dismay she found it in utter disarray. Dad heard the words from Mom, “oh dear Lord”. Knowing what this meant, Dad rushed to the scene and in disbelief said, “wow, really” and then he threw up.

There was poop all over the place, green goo that can only be described one way, bile from the pit of satan port-o-john! What is worse, the older boy sat there enjoying sponge bob and his square pants, all while his little brother was pooping out of his pants. It looked like an “A” bomb full of pooh went off. Dad did the only honorable thing he could, he left and went to work till he was summoned to scrap pooh from the ceiling. A job he did with honor, and a wash cloth over his nose and mouth.

If you are out there and you hear the distress of a boy calling for his mother because of something his brother did and it involves pooh, run… just run!

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What To Do About GETTING MOUNTED BY YOUR FATHER-IN-LAW

It was a nice day, a day filled with birthday wishes, an inflatable, and did I mention, cake! Well, I don’t like cake, but that’s neither here nor there on this subject. Trust me.

After a day of excitement, we settled down for the evening to enjoy some family time. The inlaws were in town and we had a busy day. So we found oursleves watching college basketball for about an hour. After shear boredom, which doesn’t happen very often for me. I expell these words: “why do people get so emotional at sporting events”. This proclamation came after seeing a couple on tv get really scared that their team was going to lose and then hold each other rather tightly.

I don’t understand why people feel as though their lives will end if their team loses. I guess I get their disappointment, but holding each other… Really?

Just then, like a hairy batman with an “open” cape, my father-in-law sneaks up beside me, and as I am laying on the couch, totally mounts me! Did I mention he was wearing an open robe?!? With no shirt on?!? This would have been fine if… No, no! It’s never fine!

I didn’t know what to say and couldn’t move, I am not even going to tell you where my hands were (10 & 2).

Awkward is the word, yes, this is the word that best describes how I felt. Not to mention speechless. I mean, I appreciate the comedy of the scene, but hate that it had to be me. Like watching a guy get nailed in the groin with a wrench and laughing is not the same as it happening to you.

I was mounted! Straight up MOUNTED!

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What To Do About HAVING YOUR PARENTS PICK YOU UP FROM THE AIRPORT

You know how we here at WTDA sometimes use this blog for mindless venting? No?… Well we do! It’s time you know. I recently purchased a car and I did this on blind faith and a plan. My plan was to call about a car that I was interested in, back in my home state of Ohio, and then see if my father-in-law could go look at it. If he could look at it, then maybe he could negotiate the deal for me, or at the very least tell me straight up what he thought about the car. The good news is, he did, and then said it was a great car. I soon called the owner and made him an offer he could not refuse… he refused it. So I counter offered, accepted!

The deal was done, except for the fact that it was still in Ohio, while I was busy down here in Nashville working 12 hour days. I thought I had solved the problem by having my parent drive it down two weeks later, but the day of the “pick up” they got snow. A lot of snow… 18″ of snow! This would have been no problem if they would have left on time, but oh no, they were running late, as I suppose you do when you are old. By the time they were ready to go the snow was up to an inch on the road, just an inch you ask? Yes, an inch. This wouldn’t have been a problem for any other Ohio driver, but my parents, or primarily my mother is afraid to drive on snow, rain. gravel, highways, mountain roads, hilly roads, or any road with the name dead in it.

I remember when my mother and I would drive into thunderstorms to look for tornados, and now she is afraid of rain and snow?? Whatever, I suppose it goes with the turning 50 thing. There was a solution for this problem! The problem being that I needed the car ASAP, and the solution being a shiny plain ticket.

I hopped a plane to Columbus, where all my friends were to busy to pick me up, and I had to have my mom and dad come and get me. They picked me up and quickly informed me that we weren’t going straight home… fine I guess one or two stops wouldn’t hurt… I mean it was only 6 pm. The night was young, so I thought. We slowly made our way back to Dayton after about an hour and 45 minutes of mom telling dad when to signal, when to accelerate, when to brake, and when to speak! After I had my fun telling her that maybe she should drive, we stopped for a burrito. This is when they told me that we had to pick up my sister… it’s now 8 p.m., and she doesn’t get off till 8:45. This whole ordeal is starting to get annoying.

We make our way over to my sister’s work at about 25 MPH, the roads were icy and there was 18″ inches of snow. Well, it looked more like a foot, but I didn’t have a tape measure. After picking up my sister we found ourselves heading home and it is now about 9 p.m. We pull in front of the house, after driving the back roads for 40 minutes, only to stop in front of the house for my mom to say… “let’s show Terry where his sister got stuck last night”. I quickly said no, they could show me in the morning, knowing my new car was sitting in their garage waiting for our meeting.

Mom said it will only take a minute and like a robot my dad drove off, “it was right there… so close!!”. They belted out in laughter and said, “is that why you wanted to get home?”. I said, “I just bought a car that I have not seen or driven yet, and you want to take a ride down the road for no reason?!” They laughed all the more as they drove down the street and showed me where they were stuck…

Never again!

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What To Do About HAVING KIDS


Oh the joy of procreation. A new baby in your house, the pitter patter of little feet eating all of your food, sucking down all your milk and not to mention your money. Actually, kids remind me of a school bully, except with kids you get beat up at night while you are trying to sleep and they take your money the moment they get out of bed. Not to mention that your beautiful bride is now a referee for this non-stop game of life. By the time you get to spend any time with her, she is either tired and already asleep, or she is talking baby talk to you while wiping the drool off of your chin. She forgets what make-up is and she is not sure of the last time that she got a bath. Although I must say… it is kind of nice when she cuts up my food as well as the kids.

Kids can be great though… don’t get me wrong. I love mine even when they are robbing me of my bed and peeing in the tub. They are a gift, a gift that you don’t expect like the battery-powered toothbrush your grandma gave you last year for Christmas or the flat tire when you are on your way to a super bowl party.

I am not here to discourage you from having kids, but I want to give you the real story versus the fairytale. For instance, I like to read but every time I sit down to do so my son is always asking me “dad lets go outside” or “dad can I have some cheerios” or “dad I have to pee” and that’s my cue… I have to make a mad dash to get the boy to the toilet (nearest tree) before he wets himself, then I end up getting him his cheerios and watching him play outside. I don’t want to be a bad parent, I just want to get some things done of my own. The kids of course are more important… so we play. He can throw a ball better than me but he still runs like a girl, all in good time I guess.

Two days later when I am vacuuming the same cheerios out of the couch, I find my book under a cushion all smashed up and it seems to have pictures in it now. They are colored quite badly while some pages are missing altogether. This is when I have to take a minute to breathe and not get angry…yeah right, I am going to kill that kid as soon as I get my hands on him. Mommy soon finds me and reminds me that he probably did it because it was on the couch and not put away like it should be and “you can’t expect him to know that was not to be colored on, besides you didn’t put it away”. That’s when it all comes back to me, I remember the other day when I was reading and my son had to pee. I took him and ended up playing frisbee till it was time for bed. She was right again… although I never told her. Mothers are great at that and my wife is no exception.

It‚Äôs no coincidence that while I was writing this very article that my son wanted to sit by me and play on his computer. It was then that he saw my water and wanted a drink. Now, I don‚Äôt drink water out of a normal glass‚Ķ mine is a Viking mug that I got at a thrift store a year ago. So I say to my son ‚Äúyes you can drink from daddy‚Äôs glass‚Äù (or jug depending on what side of the world you are on). He has done this many times before so I was not too worried. He successfully took a drink and that‚Äôs when it happened. He put it back on the table and it tips over right into my computer. This is another situation when you need to exercise control. My first reaction was kill kill, kill… instead I quickly grabbed the computer and flipped it upside down to keep the water from running inside. I told my son to go and get me a towel, but he was already gone, he likes to run and hide when he sees daddy get mad. Why he does this I don‚Äôt know‚Ķbut it‚Äôs not because I have on more than one occasion been very mad and yelled a lot. So no towel. When I found him he had the towel in his hand and was crying like a baby. I got the towel and wiped down the computer and everything seems fine now.

I can’t help but think that I could of avoided the whole situation by not sitting there when he said he wanted water. If I would have got up and gotten him the water in his sippy cup he would have drank it just the same and I would have lower blood pressure right now.

So lets see if I can sift this all out for you. To be a good parent you have to at least try. Don’t be lazy or uncaring. There is an exchange of respect between children and parents. I can admit I am a little lazy sometimes when it comes to my kids, but this I will work on. If you don’t think you are lazy and your kids do not respect you, then you are lazy and that’s their way of telling you.

I would like to think that my kids would be better people by default than I am… that can’t happen unless I give them all of me so they will have something to exceed. I know it sounds kind of stupid, but I am living it, and you did search for the article. Unless you are reading it by chance, in that case consider it as advice.

So have some kids and don‚Äôt be afraid of the curve balls that may come your way. Your kids will have quite an adventure in growing up and they need you to get through it‚Ķ and you need to chill out. So to all you married folk… happy humping! Enjoy everything from conception to graduation, you‚Äôll be a better person for it. As for my wife and I, we are going to love each other whenever we get a chance. I will make time for her and that will give her the energy to keep going with the kids. Maybe in the end she will love me too, even though I make bigger messes and she gets wet when I wet the bed too.

I have to go my son is peeing in the yard again (like father, like son).

*this article was featured on August 20, 2007

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