What To Do About YOUR DESIRE TO JOIN ORGANIZED CRIME

In the words of Homer Simpson “aaahhh organized crime’’. I feel a bit bashful in sharing about this subject with you… but I am letting it all out. I often find myself in that place… you know where I am talking about. OK then, let me describe it for you. Suddenly I am dressed all in black with two 45mm handguns, one in each hand. I have ripping muscles and a license… a license to kill. I am in a bank, turning on the charm one minute and the next running out with a cool million in my pocket. I’m shooting at the cops and they are shooting at me but none of their bullets are hitting me. Of course my bullets (even though I am not looking) are blowing up cars. Then I disappear into the smoke. The next thing I know I am sipping margaritas on the beach, the soothing hands of a Caribbean girl named Angelique rubbing my feet while her grass skirt blows in the warm sea breeze.

Ha! I love a good story. I have messed with the idea of getting in (if you will), but there have been some setbacks. I am sure you are riveted now and hanging on every word that I am writing. So I’ll give you my reasons for not “getting in”:

1) The obvious moral obligation. I don’t feel I can physically cross that line without some regret. I know that sounds silly to some people, but I would like to think I have some sort of moral content, even in the face of immense wealth.

2) Then there is the ever-present lack of skill. You see, I have always thought that only the smart criminals get away, so it would seem that there would be some talent involved or maybe some experience or at the very least a criminal record. Let’s face it; I don’t have that kind of time. On a side note, if you think you are a smart criminal and want to rob a 7/11 on a Saturday night, your not! This idea often backfires and you end up on the 11 o’clock news. There I’ll be, at home in my boxers, scratching my nuts, and laughing at your ass! Moving on.

3) I want to live. I mean come on, what’s the life expectancy of most mobsters?
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Hollywood has made life as a crime god appear glorious with the ladies, drugs, and of course the Ferrari… which could very well be motivation enough for me. It’s unrealistic to think about life as a criminal. There is way more life to live right here, with a couple of crusty one dollars bills in your wallet. You should start reinventing your life and count the things for which you are grateful… doing this will change your mind or at the very least help you see that you are a sorry loser with nothing to gain except the shaft of a hairy man in a prison shower. There are always consequences to actions. Get an education, invest in life, give something back and quit trying to take stuff that’s not yours.

There are immense opportunities out there, here are a few that are doing well:

You could put down the roach and read a book! There’s a good idea! Seriously, you have a lot to gain when you just apply yourself to life. There are great opportunities out there even if you are without a high school education. You would be crazy not to search them out and apply yourself. Learning WHAT you can do is progress. You can gain wisdom and become a great legitimate businessman even though this may seem less glorious than the stealing, pillaging, and murdering (so messy) that you otherwise would be doing.

A job would be a good place to start. If it’s doing something you enjoy, the satisfaction it would bring would be a great way to feel better about not being a self-indulgent, crack-snortin’, whore pimpin’, bitch slappin’ monster mobster. Let’s leave the crime for those in Hollywood… it looks like they’re better at it anyway. OR you could take your crime ideas and make a movie out of them… just another idea from yours truly… I tell ya, this brain of mine never stops running. Peace




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