What To Do About ROAD TRIPS PART DEUX

Hopefully you remember the precursor to this article? If you don’t, I will wait. Done? Good. Now we shall proceed to the many splendors of road tripping. This subject is on the brain… probably due to the many trips back and forth from Nashville, TN. As you may recall from article 1, I don’t like to stop… even to take a much needed pee break. Stopping for site seeing is no different, prolonging a trip is hard for me. I feel that every time I hit the road I am out to break a land speed record or beat some one else’s best time, which I can say with much confidence I have done with grace and skill. Nashville to Dayton Ohio in 4.5 hours! Yes skill, considering that this was done with a very anxious three year old in the back and a very pregnant wife next to me. Both who do not get to take potty breaks either. On a side note, my son is great at peeing in a bottle, I just wish it weren’t right beside me when it happens. It’s a long story and we don’t have the time so let your imagination take that where it may.

When road tripping with friends you will also want to remember some rules that will make the process a little more fun.

Cell phone rules: if you get a call from you girlfriend, it is everybody’s obligation to be as completely annoying and loud the whole time. Yelling obscenities and saying I love you too, if not just cracking the whip and saying where your nuts dude? When you know very well where they are.

Radio rule: no sleeping music of any kind no matter how awesome you think it is or even if the artist is you. This can only be an obstacle to the driver. Sleeping and driving usually don’t mix, at least not for very long.

Gas rule: no, not the kind that makes the car go, the kind that makes the car stop and everyone gets out and you get a proper beating. Enough said.

Shot gun rule: this rule has some give and take…the give is, the guy with the most seniority, in the relationship with the owner of the car, gets shot gun. The only exception is legroom if you are in a small car and the trip is over four hours.

Last but not least the
Driving rule: this rule is to keep others in the car safe even if it means they never get behind the wheel. You know what I am saying, the guy that can’t do two things at once like drive and talk. You will notice that this person drifts from lane to lane, misses exits, starts going extremely slow, and swerves a lot. Your best bet is to keep him out of the rotation, it may hurt his feelings but hopefully he will be motivated to take some lessons from the much more advanced drivers in the car.

Finally in this quest for the perfect road trip, remember that driving a car is not a game. Until you are challenged by another driver on the road that thinks he has something to prove. When this opportunity presents itself choose with care. You will want to weigh the situation by watching the other driver, as he is either wanting some fun or he is demonstrating his total lack of respect for the vehicle and the others on the road i.e. stupidity. Good luck out there and remember to keep the greasy side down.

*this article was featured on October 19, 2007


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