Some women decide to cut their hair short for a more managable and stylish look. Some men decide to grow their hair out slightly to obtain that “I’m adventurous” look. I do so much, I don’t even have time to cut my hair. My hair is kinda shaggy but I’m in a suit, so I’m kinda “badass” look. The female gender is usually known to have longer hair than the male gender. In some rare cases, though, some men have longer hair than any man should ever have. Such is the case with me. The length of my hair was recently put into perspective after cutting six inches off of it and realizing that it was still down to the middle of my back.
I will say there are obvious advantages to being a dude with long hair, and there definitely are obvious disadvantages. I’d like to take a look at some of those before I begin breaking down what to do about having long hair.
PRO: Ponytails are kinda cool lookin. Mainly if your a redneck, but it still works.
CON: No man should ever have to ask another man (or even a woman) if they have a spare hair tie laying around.
PRO: Long hair on dudes attracts attention. Especially from girls/women. (ie. “Oh my god your hair is so long and gorgeous!” “I’m so jealous of your hair!” “It smells so good!”)
CON: Those girls would never be caught dead dating you. You’re looked at more as a novelty than someone they are attracted to. They will never admit that to your face. Its the truth.
PRO: If you’re in a band, it looks really cool when you play live. Especially when you fling it around a lot. (Do I even have to mention the “windmill”? All you freakin metal heads) But seriously, I’ve had people at shows compliment me more on how cool my hair looked as opposed to how we played.
CON(S): Tangles immediately ensue after flinging your hair around on stage. Tangles that you cannot get out. Or your hair will wrap itself around something like a guitar headstock, mic stand, drum mics, etc. Your band then yells at you after the show, which goes something like… “Dude, something kept stinging me. I looked back and realized your hair was hitting me as you were headbanging.” or “Hey, can you make sure you’re a couple more feet away from my drums before you start headbanging. You kept deadening my cymbals.” or “Dude, you totally knocked my guitar out of tune when we were trying to get your hair untangled from my headstock”. Sometimes, whilst in the process of headbunging, your hair finds its way into your mouth and down your throat. That is a strange feeling, mainly because you start gagging, and thats as far as I’ll go with that.
Here’s what I do…
As I mentioned before, my hair is usually super tangled after a show and I don’t always get to take a shower right away. Its come to the point before, where I’ve had to just rip the knots out, and that sucks. Sleeping with your hair up in a ponytail or doubled over will also cause you to have tangles. You really have to keep your hair healthy. Don’t wash it every day. That will strip your hair of oils that it needs to help keep it healthy and purdy lookin (I’m pretty sure I read that somewhere). I’m not really an expert though. I just know what I do and it seems to work.
When I’m at home I will go several days without washing my hair, or getting it wet. When I do wash it, I use a hydrating shampoo and a hydrating conditioner (a LOT of conditioner). Both are supposed to strengthen my hair, blah blah blah. But it smells like coconuts and I love that (Just thought of another pro/con. Girls/women will want to smell your hair all the time because it smells good. Guys [mainly your friends] will make fun of you constantly for how good your hair smells.). I run a comb through my hair, once I have conditioner in it, to get any tangles out. RINSE. I squeeze as much water out of my hair as I can before I get out of the shower. Then I towel it dry. I mainly just dab my hair and try to squeeze my hair out into the towel. I do that to avoid acquiring unwanted tangles. I then put a leave in hair strengthener in my hair because I have really fine/fragile hair. I brush my hair while its still wet and let it air dry. Hair dryers suck, and I’m usually not in that big of a hurry. I hardly ever wear my hair down, mainly because it gets all in my face and its just a hassle. I usually wear it in a ponytail, and I usually wear a hat. Unless my friends talk me into putting my hair down because they think it will attract women. They are wrong.
Every woman (and now I) knows that if you put your hair up when its wet it will take it a full day to dry. I’ve had it happen, it sucks. I also know now, along with most women, that after you get out of the shower, dry off, and get dressed you will find your head hair stuck in the strangest places on your body (I won’t mention them) for the rest of the day. That is probably the weirdest thing I’ve come to find out since having really long hair.
I would like to end by saying… If you’re a dude, just don’t have long hair. Thats what to do about it. Cut it. I look ridiculous, and so do you unless you have boobs and don’t grow hair on your face. There’s a fine line between how long is long enough and how long is too long. I’m pretty sure when your hair, as a man, gets down to your butt-crack...its time to do something about it.
Thank you. I have been dumb.
Notice that I didn’t say “what to do about parking”. That is because most people park just fine in most cases. Until you get to a tight parking lot… then it’s as if you see their true character right there in between the lines. Or, in some cases, all over the lines. Really, how hard is it?
There are several types of parkers out there so let’s run through the list. (And yes there is a list)
First, you have the careful parker. The one who parks as far away from people as possible. To prevent the door dings and the occasional parking lot scuffle.
Second, you have the fellow who parks right beside the careful parker. We will call him the derelict because he either does it to be annoying (mission accomplished) or because he likes the exercise. Either way, if you are out there quit it!!
Next, there are the big horns. No, not cows, but I am sure you could get a couple of cows in their vehicles. These fellahs get in the tightest places with no regard for the others around them. Usually their rear ends stick out a good foot from the rest of the cars. Then there is the huge trailer hitch on the back. Here is a clue! Ride a horse it would be better for all of us.
Last but not least, you have the paint magnet parkers! These are the most annoying, well, maybe the second most annoying. They usually drive average cars but they park on the line, just over it, or across it diagonally. Really, it’s not that hard to slide it right in between the lines. Think of it as coloring in the lines, well maybe that is what led to this. Never mind. Just get it right; it is a true show of how lazy some people are.
Now that I am done venting I can rest at ease, that is of course if you guys will park away from the car on the end. If the car looks like it costs more than your home then stay way, way, away from it. You can’t afford the wax for those cars and even if you could it’s called respect. I know this is coming from the writer of the beater car article but I have boundaries just like any other person. I mean, unless it is a beater give it a little bit of respect.
Saving seats is regular occurrence in my life. I am frequently late when attending… well… anywhere. I don’t really like being late and am currently trying to change this bad behavior but that is a whole different blog in itself. Usually, my friends are kind enough to save me a seat.
Sometimes I don’t care about saving seats at all. I just figure I will sit wherever… and whoever, can sit wherever. Other times there are certain people I definitely feel like sitting by. The worst is when friends ask you to save them seats when the place is packed and people keep asking you about the seats in question.
Saving seats feels like such a childish thing. Doesn’t it? We still do it though… like grade school kids at the lunch table.
I say, if it’s a regular place that you and your friends go then there should be some idea of where everyone sits and whatever is there and available then great, if not, oh well. The movie theater is one place I definitely do not like saving seats. If it is just one or two seats then maybe… anymore than that and I say good luck.
If people want to sit by me or if I want to sit by them… then I say some pre-planning is necessary. I mean, relationships take work right? So we better either arrive at the same time, meet beforehand, or have a finely tuned and executed seating plan… otherwise, let’s find our own seats.
Thankfully, I have some good friends who always keep me in mind for the 1-2 person saving seat limit. They are special people. Tear.
Related Articles:
What To Do About SAVING SEATS
What To Do About SAVING SEATS FOR FRIENDS
Occasionally a friend or relative will ask me to save them a seat when we are meeting somewhere like at the movie theatre or at church. I usually don’t mind doing this because often times I am the one asking them to do the same for me, but I will admit that sometimes it is awkward when the place you are meeting at is packed with people and several people ask you “Is anyone sitting here?”, or “Are these seats taken?” It is even more awkward if they try and sit in the open seats without asking and you have to kindly tell them that you are saving the seats for others who are not there yet. Below are a few suggestions to help make the saving of seats a bit less awkward.
Suggestion #1) If you have a coat or jacket place them on or across the seat(s) that you are saving, this usually lets others know that the seats are saved for someone else. If your wife, girlfriend, or another female acquaintance is with you then see if you can place her purse, bag, or wristlet (or whatever she is carrying) on the seat next to you as well.
Suggestion #2) If you are with someone and saving seats for others then leave open seats in between those you are waiting with. People are less apt to sit between two people that they do not know and this will make saving the seat(s) easier. If you can place any of the items mentioned above on the seats in between you and your comrades this will also ensure that others know the seats are taken.
Suggestion #3) Sit your butt on 2 seats. It may be a little uncomfortable for a while and it may depend on the amount of separation between the seats. It also maybe depend on the size of your badunkadunk. I only recommend this third suggestion in extreme circumstances when people are desperate for a place to sit.
So there you have it folks, next time your friend asks “hey man, can you save me a seat?” You have no reason to worry or be stressed, say “sure dude, I got ya covered.”
Related Articles:
What To Do About SAVING SEATS
What To Do About THE SAVING OF SEATS
Well, this subject varies from person to person… well, I guess any topic could really… well, anyway, back to the subject itself.
I consider myself very prompt and always arrive early. I don’t know how I acquired this habit, maybe because my wife rides me like a borrowed mule to get going because if we are late then there will be no place to sit. Or, it could be that I like to make a statement when I arrive like, “this guys on time”, something like that. Or how about I want the best seat possible because I like to sit where I want. I guess I could go on and on but we would be here for hours. So getting to it… wait I got it! You would have to be early to save seats! That is probably the best reason I go early. Otherwise I would have to sit at the mercy of somebody else’s choice and not my own. Yep a control freak! I admit it. I need to be in control. I don’t want to go anywhere that I am told, I would rather choose. So I have to be
prompt and get there first.
I know what you are thinking and yes it can be a train wreck at times but I think I have it under control or so my wife tells me. I mean, if I didn’t, we all (my friends and I) would all be sitting in different seats all over the place. Maybe that’s it, maybe I can’t stand being alone, I need people with me, so I do what I can to secure closeness so that I don’t appear weak and vulnerable.
So now that I have figured nothing out about my obsession with promptness, I will attempt to address the saving seats issue at hand. You start by using whatever articles you have on hand, this is where the lovely wife comes in. Use everything from a coat to a baby carrier, this list is endless and will vary upon location.
A word of advice, don’t let anyone tell you can’t save seats… and if you use a baby carrier or even have a baby nobody wants to sit by you anyway. So it works to your benefit, besides, who is going to tell a family with a baby they can’t save seats?
Another way to do this is to stagger yourself, sitting every other with the people (in my case wife), that are with you.
By doing this you create a barrier, people will not sit right beside you as they tend to always leave a buffer seat in between. Another good way is to be very loud… this works best at the movies. All you have to do is make obscene noises and throw stuff at each other.
Finally. Well, I am glad we got through that together. Now after reading this article I feel there are some feelings that I need to sort out so I will be calling my therapist, which is also my wife.
Related Articles:
What To Do About SAVING SEATS FOR FRIENDS
What To Do About THE SAVING OF SEATS
I have been eating a lot of bananas of late so I thought it would be a good idea to write a bit about this interesting fruit. I actually ate 5 bananas just today. I had 2 in my morning shake and I ate 3 more throughout my day while working. Why am I eating so many bananas you may ask? I have several simple reasons.
1) They are inexpensive. You can buy a bunch for a few dollars at most, often times for less than $1 depending on where you do your shopping. Organic bananas will obviously cost a little bit more than conventional.
2) Bananas are excellent sources of Vitamin B6, Vitamin C, and Potassium. Now that’s something my body needs anyways, I like that! Why wouldn’t you eat as many bananas as possible!?!?
3) Bananas are also easy to eat. You just peel back the bright yellow skin (if you like them just ripe that is) and enjoy! There is usually no mess or sticky fingers as the result of eating a banana. I mean how annoying is it when you eat fruits like watermelon, peaches, plums, or even an apple and the juice runs all over your hands and drips on your clothes. Eating a banana is just easier and saves time.
And finally…
4) Bananas look sweet! I think fruit that is bright and yellow looks the coolest. I mean look at a lemon for goodness sakes, the bright yellow skin and cool shape make them the perfect table decoration in the right fruit bowl. Bananas look neat as well just sitting on the countertop. Do yourself and your family a favor and brighten up the room by setting a bunch of bright yellow bananas on the table. They won’t last long!
So there you have it folks, everyone should start going bananas, I know I am!
Ocho Cinco, number 85, yes I am talking about Chad Johnson, the outspoken wide receiver who plays for the Cincinnati Bengals. It seemed like the perfect time to write “What To Do About Ocho Cinco” because a lot of people are probably wondering what should be done about Chad right about now. The talented star receiver has been extremely vocal about his demands to be traded to another team. He was recently quoted as saying “I will not be at any mandatory camp,” and “I will not be at training camp. I will not be anywhere in Cincinnati.”
My understanding is that Chad’s main reason for wanting to be traded is that there were those in the Bengals organization that blamed him for the team not winning in 2007. Chad said, “I’m the reason everything went down the drain”, “So I want to make sure they have no more problems with me. Get me out.” The only problem with demanding to be traded at this point is that Chad has 4 more years left on his current contract and the team really can not afford the huge hit they would take to their salary cap by trading him at this point because of the pro-rated bonuses they would have to account for and the cost of replacing him with quality talent.
It really almost seems like it is a lose - lose situation for the team right now. If they trade Johnson they give up too much at this point for it to make economical sense, not too mention they may not get equal value by trading him. If they keep him he could potentially cause division off the field within the locker room and be a major distraction. What to do.
My take is this, you don’t win by how only one player performs on the field and you don’t lose by how only one player performs on the field. You win and lose as a team. Even the best player in the NFL cannot win a single game on his own so it’s pointless to put the majority of the blame on one player. Every running back needs a line to block for him, every receiver needs a quarterback who can throw accurately, and every quarterback needs pass protectors. The same applies on defense. I think Chad needs to develop thicker skin, when you are in the spotlight you are going to be criticized by people all over, especially if you talk and showboat as much as Chad does. I personally love how flamboyant and entertaining #85 is on and off the field, but if you are going to be that way on such a large stage you PERSONALLY have to be able to take the heat when the TEAM as a whole is unsuccessful. Some people are going to make ignorant comments and you can’t let it ruffle your feathers so much.
Chad has 4 years left on his contract, if it is about the money, which I do not believe that it is, he should not have signed the contract extension back in 06’ and he should work towards fulfilling his current deal. I do not think this is the major issue here, and I think this can be resolved by the two sides sitting down in a room and talking. Seriously, both sides need to take at least one step each and drop their pride for a second and talk this crap out. If you’ve been a die-hard Bengals fan thru the 90’s then you are used to the soap opera known as the Cincinnati Bengals by now, I am, and it sucks.
Who-dey think they gonna beat them Bengals? Usually the Bengals dey beat them Bengals. I think they need to hire Dr. Phil as team counselor after all of the off-the-field problems they’ve had over the past few years. Yeah, so that’s my answer, get professional counseling, that’ll fix this problem.
Being the huge NFL fan that I am, one of my favorite events is taking place this weekend in New York, it’s the 2008 NFL Draft. Not that my opinion really matters or anything, but I thought I would give you my own mock draft predictions for the first 10 picks. The Miami Dolphins have the first overall pick in the draft and they have already selected Michigan offensive tackle Jake Long so that is already in the books.
My prediction (first 10 picks):
1. Miami Dolphins - Jake Long, Offensive Tackle from Michigan
2. St. Louis Rams - Chris Long, Defensive End from Virginia
3 Atlanta Falcons - Glenn Dorsey, Defensive Tackle from LSU
4. New England Patriots (trade with Oakland) - Vernon Gholston, Defensive End from Ohio State
5. Kansas City Chiefs - Ryan Clady, Offensive Tackle from Boise State
6. New York Jets - Matt Ryan, Quarterback from Boston College
7. Oakland Raiders (trade with New England) - Darren McFadden, Running Back from Arkansas
8. Baltimore Ravens - Brandon Albert, Offensive Guard from Virginia
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Sedrick Ellis, Defensive Tackle from USC
10. New Orleans Saints - Leodis McKelvin, Cornerback from Troy
I also could see the Dallas Cowboys trading up into the top 10 since they currently have 2 first round picks (#22 and 28), they need another RB to go along with Marion Barber and could try and get Darren McFadden.
For those who know how big of a Bengals fan I am, no I do not see them trading Chad Johnson (see WTDA OCHO CINCO) for draft picks at all. Stranger things have happened and I could be wrong, but I doubt it.
The draft begins at 3:00pm ET on Saturday, April 26th with rounds 1 and 2 and then rounds 3-7 take place on Sunday the 27th and can be viewed on NFL Network, don’t miss it!
I like to drink water… therefore I pee a lot. I have a glass of water before I eat breakfast then another with breakfast. I like to drink eight glasses a day. In turn I usually urinate about once an hour. So now that you know me you can see why I spend a lot of time draining the main vein.
With all that said, drinking water is good for you and your body. Unfortunately, using the public restroom can be a detriment to your health. As I embark on my day, planning for the excitement of u.a.p.r (using a public restroom) like having a nose plug handy. I have seen the nicest gas station with the friendliest attendant, complete with a full service pump and the automatic doors, have the worst restrooms ever. Initial annoyances strike me… such as, but not limited to, no door handle, followed by a door that doesn’t shut all the way and in turn does not lock properly. Soon I understand why the floor near the toilet is sticky, as I ready aim, fi…..ah! Somebody pulls the door open and I turn to say “occupied” which does not stop the man. I soon repeat “occupiedo” this stops him and we both look at each other like we have seen a ghost. A ghost with a large tool in his right hand, at this point there is urine on the floor and my hand. Now I need to wash my hands. I thought about wiping the floor but soon after noticed that there is no hand towels then quickly notice there isn’t any soap either. This is just great… I sigh to myself as the man hands me some hand sanitizer. I was grateful, but wondering why he was still in here. Anyway, I have pee on my shoes and a little on my hands… then there is the floor. It is covered but what do I do? Leave. That’s right, there is nothing I can do so I thank Manuel for his hand cleaner… he tries to wave but I can see he is… busy.
So I have some words of advice if you are looking for a sterile solution to the public restroom crisis. First, take your own hand cleaner or at least a hand towel. Second, as soon as you get inside the latrine go straight to the condom dispenser and get two condoms out of the machine and place them… no, no, not there, put them on your hands. Then proceed to use the facilities. Crazy? I think not! Crazy would be leaving after touching everything in that room. Another quick piece of advice is to keep out English impaired users while you are busy. Find the ‘closed for cleaning’ sign and place it in front of the door before you go in. This handy trick will make it easier to do your business, especially if your business is taking the browns to the super bowl.
Stay safe out there and remember to come prepared, go with caution, and leave without a communicable disease.
So you think you are ready to workout? Get buff? Pump some iron? Well then, here are some things you need to know from me, the “resident personal trainer”.
First thing is to make sure you dress properly… like wearing light breathable clothing. If you are over 200 lbs. then no spandex. Well let’s just be safe and say no spandex for anybody. It’s a dangerous material and if in the wrong hands can cause injury and it may be fatal.
You will want to stretch out, and for most of us, that means lots of acting because we are not that flexible. Not because we haven’t tried but, yeah, it’s because we haven’t tried. So now we will try and we will try with vigor and determination.
Ok. Now that you’re properly stretched you can start your workout. Now you will want to warm up the rest of your body by doing some jumping jacks or taking a five minute run or walk… whatever causes less embarrassment for you.
Now we are really ready to embark on a physical fitness adventure. You can do anything you want here it only depends on your goals. Do you want to lose weight or get huge? So feel free to do whatever fits your goals but remember to keep proper form. Form in working out is everything… next to breathing of course which as you should know is very important. So, no butt in the air with your pushups, no cheesy ab rollers from infomercials, just balls to the walls workout with utter disregard for fat and pain.
Get angry and destroy your muscle, make them beg you for mercy, then say to them “no, give me ten more”. Let them know that they make you sick and that if it weren’t for you they would have fallen clean off your body years ago. Do it!
Last thing, don’t let anyone tell that you need to workout; this will give the feeling of guilt that you don’t need. You must make a descion for yourself, because it is the only way you will have long lasting success.
So that’s it. That is all the inspiration I have for you, so get out there and make your muscles pay for all those years of crappy food and sedentary life! Oh yeah, you really need to workout.
Do it… do it… do it!
It is late enough for me to know that looking at the clock will only make things worse. There is always a point in the night where you realize that the time doesn’t matter. It’s nighttime…that is all. I live in a small duplex in what some would call a retirement community. How I lucked out with this low rent, cinder block box is beyond me, but I’m happy here. It’s always quiet and I am only a 2-minute walk from the lake and all of its wildlife. I believe that I am the only one awake in these some 50 houses and it might as well be all 50 states. It’s one million o’clock in the morning. As I light a cigarette the fake gas fireplace is whispering secrets to three adorable cats. Each of their heads turns slightly to lock eyes with me. How I made eye contact with the lot of them is still a mystery. But it is the closest I have ever felt to having a conversation with the devil.
I have never considered myself a cat person. It’s not that I hate them, although I am quick to spout that word off daily when their mischief catches me off guard, I have just always had a dog. A dog’s loyalty is like a book that you can almost recite by heart, where a cat is like watching a rerun of E! Entertainment news. But I digress; this is about my relationship with the cats.
The two cats that live with me are named Buckets and Steve. They are brother and sister and I have suspicions that they are victims of inbreeding. I cannot hold this against them although I do love to tease them about it. Buckets is very small with the brightest blue eyes. I often call her King Buckets the Princess. This is a name that she has grown attached to. It also may have given her a complex. My only real problem with her is that she loves to knock things off of counters and tables. Cylindrical objects are her neapolitan ice cream. If you leave your chap stick on the table in the morning it will be under the couch. But mainly she just eats and sleeps. She’s a precious little princess and I guess I am glad that she keeps me company. Not to mention that she will let you draw on her with magic markers.
Some dark spirit on the other hand, no doubt, possesses Steve the Cat. His coat is the color of a storm cloud with just as much dread. His eyes the shade of Linda Blair’s in the Exorcist only slightly more sinister. The “meows” that wake me in the morning are more of a jungle roar. I do believe that Steve is as wild as any cat in Africa. He only happens to live in North Carolina and be a house cat. Besides the fact that he can’t really figure out how to cover his own droppings, (Buckets has to do it for him) he is okay to have around inside. We have developed a love/hate relationship. But I can tell he likes it. It’s the great outdoors where Steve causes most of his havoc.
Right down the street from my house is a large wooden bridge stretching over Greenfield Lake. I spend a lot of time there; it’s a great spot to reflect. Sometimes when friends are visiting we will go down to the bridge to fellowship, usually at one million o’clock, but who’s looking at the clock in the first place? One night Steve the Cat invited himself into the fold. He didn’t stray too far and would come when I made the “kiss-kiss-kiss” noise that usually only works for dogs. This was a major break-through in our relationship and he still follows close behind to this day. I imagine he thinks we walk to the Land Of The Gods, where no cat shall enter. I can see the heroic gaze in his eyes as he lies on the wooden bridge floor, staring up at the sky. I wonder if inside his tiny brain, as he looks up at the moon, he thinks about visiting it someday?
One day as six of my friends and I were sitting on the bridge in the cold night air; we lost ourselves in fellowship, which is pretty easy to do, when we realized that Steve the Cat was missing. We decided to go back home, hoping he would turn up along the way. The walk back seemed to take days. Everyone began yelling Steve’s name in the voices that they had dedicated to kittens of all kinds. Knowing that he could take care of himself I charged toward the door. I noticed the body of a large dead squirrel in just enough time to stop my Chuck from squeezing his last meal onto the porch. This was more traumatic than it should have been but when adding the body of a dead bird, it climaxed into a “what the eff” situation. We knew who the murderer was. His name is Steve the Cat and here he comes now, with yet another dead squirrel clutched in his jaws.
After that night a rule had to be made. The cats now had a curfew. They are to be in shortly after sundown. This was working out fairly well until I agreed to cat-sit for a very close friend of mine. Normally I would have said “absolutely not” but it just so happens that this cat is a brother to Steve and Buckets. I really had no choice, Thumbs was on his way. Plus I must say that I was a little curious as to how the three would act once reunited. It wasn’t as climactic as I would have liked. Buckets did make some of the strangest noises I have heard come out of any animal. She reminded me of a tiny white wolf princess. And Battle cat Steve was actually pretty timid towards her.
Thumbs is pretty much a perfect mix between Steve and Buckets. He has her white coat and his demon eyes. His face is a little longer than the other two. I am almost 100% positive that he has Down Syndrome. A few nights ago I watched the bonding session between Steve and Thumbs. Steve let out a hiss that faded into a growl as Thumbs swatted the air in front of his face. Thumbs’ paw remained outstretched for a split second before he placed it on Steve’s shoulder. I could almost hear his deep cat voice say, “Come on mang, we bros.”
The next morning the splayed carcass of a beautiful baby duck lay frozen on the grass. Most of the poor duck had been devoured. Thumbs and Steve were running around frantically, zooming behind the bushes with a playful murderous rage set deep in their eyes. Buckets, God bless her soul, was just too dainty to even sniff the loose feathers. I hate touching dead animals. I would rather swerve around a family of deer than splatter possum entrails all over my cars undercarriage. So understand that I gagged a lot when I buried it.
So what to do about cats? I wish I knew. I can’t even decide if I like them or not. I guess this article is more of a question to cat lovers and not really informative in the least bit. For that I apologize. Sure I will keep feeding them and changing their litter. But when I go out to the porch with my coffee in the morning and almost step on the severed head of a mallard, it’s a little unnerving. I could probably get into some kind of trouble for having The Kitty Manson Family. Hopefully no one will find out. In the meantime, say a little prayer for the woodland creatures. There are evil cats everywhere.
No really… I am going to write about this because I have been watching it with my boys, with a lot of curiosity I might add. It seems as though all these “animals” are on some kind of drug. Or better yet, they are all on a separate drug. Like say for instance Tigger. I think he is a pothead. Bouncing around and slurring his speech while making up all kinds of new words, “splendifouris”, “tiggerific”, and “poohorria”. I swear if I hear him say, “lets get some munchies” it’s over and his cover is blown.
Next you have Rabbit. This guy is always paranoid, and he is always talking to the carrots. I think he likes to hit the powder, the blow, maybe even the pixy dust. Maybe not, ok.
Well then, how about Piglet. He seems harmless enough… or is he? I think he is a raging alcoholic with a tendency to be the center of attention. I can tell by the lines around his eyes, then there is the funny pink sleeveless shirt that reminds me of every 80’s hair band.
Next there is Pooh and his “hunny”. I mean come on… now should see what I see. A bear and his hunny ha! It’s more like a dude and his dubby. It just goes without saying that this bear loves his weed and he is not afraid to show it or share it.
I know you thought that I forgot about Eeyore… yes, the gray depressed donkey with the pinned-on tale. This fellah is hooked on something from the medicine cabinet… like maybe oxy cotton or something like a muscle relaxer.
Well, maybe I am wrong about the cartoon… but I think now that you know where I am coming from, you should watch and see for yourself.