Don’t you hate going to the store and finding out that you picked the worst shopping cart in the store? It always seems to be the case every time I go shopping at the local Kroger or Wal-Mart. So here I am writing about it, venting my frustrations about every time I need to go shopping.

Every time I get these stupid carts, I feel like I’m competing in a demolition derby; instead of people running into everyone, I’m fighting to keep my cart from running into them. I find it nerve-racking rolling down the spaghetti sauce aisle knowing that the cart could take a sharp left or right, possibly running into the shelf knocking down the many bottles of Ragu spaghetti sauce all over the aisle.

Is it too much of a chore for the employees to spray WD-40 on the wheels so they would actually work? I guess getting paid minimum wage results in minimal work. I’m probably going to be asked, “why don’t you pick another cart?” Well, these stores I shop at, a majority of them have bad wheels; I just pick the one that isn’t as bad, but still, it’s bad enough. Luckily, Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s have the best shopping carts. I can’t recall getting a bad wheel when I shop there, but since the prices of the food are so high there, I’m resulted to shop at my local Kroger or Wal-Mart.

Luckily, I’ve been fortunate and haven’t done too much damage when I go shopping. The biggest problem I face are those people blocking the aisle and those annoying kids running around the store and popping up around the corner resulting in me fighting to keep the cart from running into them or the shelves. To those people that do this: ONE: move your cart to one side of the aisle, it’s common courtesy, and TWO: keep your kids from running around the store like wild banshees. Enough said. I made my point and I hope this helps. Maybe next time I’ll remember to write a comment note to Kroger and Wal-Mart and tell them to fix their stupid wheels on their shopping carts.

I have no gauge for drawing the imaginary line in the sand and saying no to competition. I get this itch, this itch… it drives me to do things I don’t really want to do, or can do, for that matter. Like running 8 miles in the blistering heat, I mean who does that? Me, because I was asked… by a girl.

What’s more shocking than doing things that I don’t want to do or can’t do, (because that’s shocking), is that I don’t ever remember being like this in my early years. I never really got into sports growing up, I mean, I played them, I just never really “owned” them. Of course now I want to “own” every sport out there! If only there was a way for a 30 year old man to walk onto an NFL team…. a man can dream! I get so competitive I can hardly sit still sometimes. I actually feel like I am missing out on something when someone tells me there is a race this weekend, or let’s play a pick up game of basketball, or missing a golf outing kills me… even though I haven’t played in 2 years.

I find myself competitive at everything even the things that I’m not good at. I know! Imagine me not good at something!! Crazy! So I have no idea what’s going on with this “problem”. I am open to suggestions, no really… Help Me!! I am running out of money going to these events! New Orleans, here we come!! But after South Carolina…

Here we are, about to embark on another exciting season of football. Below are my predictions of who will win their divisions and why:

AFC North:
Cincinnati Bengals – While they aren’t my favorite team, I’m really excited to see their new offensive weapons like: T.O., Jermaine Gresham, and Jordan Shipley. I can see them winning their division for the second straight year despite what some of the critics say about the Baltimore Ravens winning it.

AFC South:
Indianapolis Colts – All I only have two words to say about this team: Peyton Manning. Enough said.

AFC East:
New York Jets – No.1 defense last year with some new additions like Antonio Cromartie and Jason Taylor, these guys will dominate the AFC East. Sorry New England fans.

AFC West:
San Diego Chargers – This pick was a tough one because the Chargers lost Cromartie and LT to the Jets, but with Rivers still as QB they have the better offense in this division.

NFC North:
Minnesota Vikings – With Favre back and Adrian Peterson in the backfield, I expect the repeat of last season.

NFC South:
New Orleans Saints – Defending Super Bowl champs, and with Drew Brees as QB, expect them to dominate once again.

NFC East:
Dallas Cowboys – This pick was also a tough one since the Giants and the Redskins look pretty good this year, I predict that Dallas has too many weapons for the rest of division.

NFC West:
San Francisco 49ers – Since Mike Singletary took over as head coach this team has been on the comeback. Arizona’s days are numbered if Matt Leinart didn’t learn anything from Kurt Warner.

My predictions on the disappointing teams this season:

AFC North:
Cleveland Browns – With Jake Delhomme and Colt McCoy on the team they still won’t make a difference in this tough division. Also, expect Pittsburgh to struggle without Ben Roethlisberger at QB for the first four to six weeks.

AFC South:
Jacksonville Jaguars – Terrible picks during the draft and lack of fan support, expect them to finish at the bottom of the barrel. I can see this team’s future becoming the Los Angles Jaguars.

AFC East:
Buffalo Bills – Who cares they got C.J. Spiller in the draft, this team is still one-dimensional and they passed on Jimmy Clausen in the second round. Expect them at the bottom of the divisional food chain.

AFC West:
Oakland Raiders – Main reason: Al Davis is still in charge. Who cares they have Jason Campbell at QB, they still suck.

NFC North:
Chicago Bears – I hate to say this about my favorite team, but they have the worst offensive line in the NFL. With a new offensive coordinator at the helm it still won’t fix this problem. Go figure, when Chicago gets a good QB (Jay Cutler) they can’t protect him. Only if they had him back during the Super Bowl instead of Rex (I can’t take a snap properly) Grossman.

NFC South:
Tampa Bay Buccaneers – I’m not too impressed with this team and it was also a toss-up with the Carolina Panthers, but the Panthers have a better offense than Tampa.

NFC East:
Philadelphia Eagles – This pick was also a tough decision, but I’m going with my gut instinct on this one.

NFC West:
St. Louis Rams – Despite receiving the first pick in the draft, this team still has a few years to get better. Huh… this reminds me of the Detroit Lions.

Well, those are my predictions on who’s who and who’s not this year. I hope I’m wrong, at least when it comes to the Bears, but I’m sticking to my gut on this. If I offended you with any of these predictions go grab a tissue and let the fun begin. And oh, by the way, the New York Jets are going to win the Super Bowl.

Have a nice day.

I was enamored with the sweet glaze and yeasty aroma. I was blinded by my shortsighted taste buds! Those damn buds!

It seems, at a lot of seminars, conferences, or church events, that donuts are a common attendee. I do not mind if people want to eat donuts, I mean, they can if they want, but I don’t want to eat donuts. Should I care more than that? Should I say something? Oh, but it is always such a hassle.

Many of you know that Terry, Nate, and I are whole-foods-eaters. We eat stuff that is sane, as opposed to high fructose corn syrup. We eat real food, as opposed to artificial food, like in those flavored chips you are eating. Put down the chips!

Ok, ok, so I am all for making stuff at home with high quality ingredients. I mean, coconut oil! Yes! Or Avocado oil! Yes! Canola oil? No! Vegetable oil? No! Corn Syrup? No! Raw cane sugar? Sure.

So, you can see my dilemma with donuts at drive-by establishments. I would rather smoke a cigar. “Donut?” “No.” “Cigar?” “Sure!”

As with all of these type of events, usually there is something you can take part in so that you can be seen as a participant, you know, as part of the gang. So I suggest going for the uh… water! Go for the water. Then, maybe later, you can fill out an anonymous comment/suggestion card that suggests having some fresh cut fruit or vegetable trays at the next event!?

Why anonymous? For some reason, people are so touchy when it comes to food. They get all offended or weirded out if you eat different than them, and then they feel guilty, and then they look at you with that slant in their eyes… oh, I know the slant. I can slant with the best of them.

I know exactly what I am missing: some plaque, a fatty liver, diabetes, and a depressed immune system.

I found myself watching all kinds of design shows, remodeling shows, and house hunting shows. It was like I was right there with them doing the work, but without the sweat and tiredness. I fell in love with a certain program called “Holmes On Homes” with a fellah named Mike Holmes. I liked this dude the moment I saw him! He said things like “this isn’t a quality job” or “that butt splice is next to the conductor, that is below the code requirements for this year of home”. Brilliant!

This guy goes to the people that have been duped by bad contractors doing poor quality work and rips it down, then does it right. All along the way he tells people why it was wrong and how he is going to make it right. He is built like a brick house too! Seriously, you could race chariots on those shoulders. I can respect a man that can swing a hammer and drive a 16 penny nail with one shot… all while his eyes are closed and holding a cup of coffee. Plus, a very present respect for physical fitness, well my friends… that’s my kind of contractor!

This program is so addictive for me that I watched it during the first, albeit preseason, football game of the year. I couldn’t resist, I love that show… and maybe, Mike, too.

I do have an idea as to why I like the show, and the channel for that matter. I like to see a good job completed, as well as a right wronged, all while learning a thing or two. My favorite thing about Mike Holmes is that he is NOT a gay designer! I have nothing against them, but I often wonder, is it a prerequisite for being a designer or having your own show on HGTV? The answer is NO! Mike Holmes saves the day, he’s not even metro-sexual!

I suggest you check it out.

If you are a pal, you know how to say these things to your pal, because you realize that you yourself, at times, lack imagination and optimism, make grammatical errors over and over, and have boogers hanging from your nose. If perchance you have none of those things, then you are an A-class weeny and thus you are already sufficiently humbled from your own weenyness.

As I already mentioned, being a pal can be hard work. For this very reason, many people quit being pals. They shy away from the hard work it takes to be a pal. They wither like a violet in the sahara desert.

Interestingly enough, it is easier to put in the hard work of being a pal with different types of people. You see, some people make the hard work of being a pal easier, just by the type of person they are, while other people make the hard work of being a pal even more difficult.

So, you can see, the first step in being a pal, is carefully and wisely picking the people that you will be a pal to. Now, of course, in one sense, you will be a pal to everyone and anyone, but in this instance we are referring to “pal” as those you see on a regular and recurring basis. Are your pals patient with you? Or are they just pretending and pretentious? Does your pal(s) make you feel more alive? Do they give you life or suck the life right out of you so that you feel as dry as a spring in the sahara desert?

Good answer, good answer. In order to be a good pal, you must have strong moral conviction,s or else you will end up not being a pal, because being a pal is looking out for the good of your pal and if you do not have convictions against things that are bad for your pal, then how can you look out for the good of your pal?

Well, I, for one, have good pals. A good pal tells you the truth even if it is hard to hear, or hard to say, I should say. Ok! So, for example, if your pal kills someone, I recommend turning them in. Be a pal!

Seriously though, I do find myself working out, doing chores, doing side work, running, and even biking without my shirt. I am not trying to be a show-off, but I just prefer being shirtless. I know most of the time it doesn’t make sense, but sometimes it does. It’s like when Tim and I were doing some side work at a friend’s house and it was 100 degrees outside. I was shirtless before you could say “it’s a scorcher out here”. Tim on the other hand just sweated it right out with his shirt on. Crazy! I asked him why he still had his shirt on, to which he replied, “I am just not a shirtless kind of guy”. What? I didn’t know there was any other type.

Tim’s words inspired thought in my head, “why do I feel a compulsion to be shirtless?” To which I must reply, I grew up this way. I can remember having no shirt and no shoes from May to October for like 9 years of my life. I didn’t burn in the sun and could run a 8 minute mile on gravel! It’s how I was raised, that’s my excuse and I am sticking to it!

Running and biking shirtless is funny to me because if I am competing, I usually have spandex on, and people’s eyes are fun to watch. The either look so hard that you feel naked or they immediately divert their eyes like my shirtless-ness is burning their peepers right out of their head. It’s laughable and entertaining. If I run with a pretty girl in spandex some of the guys are really torn. You can see the internal conflict, “should I look?”, “what if I see the dude with no shirt looking at me?” , “I can’t look”, “but there is a girl, I have to look”, “AHAH! my eyes!”

It’s great.

If you read this and are wondering what you should do, I say, if you got it, flaunt it. If you don’t… Flaunt it anyway. Flex those man titties till the cows come home, or someone asks you to stop. Rock it! Topless! I like my coffee with a nice muffin top! Is that a third nipple or are you just happy to see me? Put that thing away before I lose my lunch in it. Is that a coin slot or a tunnel to china? I don’t want to know just put it away!

Back in the day, peaches were among my favorite fruits. Maybe they still are and I just don’t know it, but the berry family has made a significant play for the top spots. I once ate 14 small peaches in one day. No, I did not have any problems digesting that, whatsoever. I take probiotics, you know. Besides, it was like eating 4 regular peaches since these peaches were super small… small and sweet, sweet, sweeeeeeet.

When looking for peaches, look for peaches with an excellent smell, a nice aroma. For ripe peaches, they should give or yield to slight pressure and they should not have any green on them. If your peaches are not ripe, you can speed up ripening by placing them in a paper bag (which will trap the gases that aid in ripening), or you can just place them in a fruit bowl and wait… that is what I do. If your peaches are all ripe and you cannot eat 14 in one day like me, you can place them in the refrigerator… I guess. Peaches picked green and ripened will not get any sweeter, so it is best to get them fresh picked… and for that, I am betting on farmer’s markets, or side-of-the-road stands. Yep. Then, the only thing you have to worry about is, did they spray the peaches with a pesticide that will leave you impotent?

I like to look at peach pie, peach cobbler, but I like to eat fresh peaches, peach jam, peach cookies, and occasionally peach ice cream. Peaches are still in my top 5.

I run regularly and bike on occasion, but as already mentioned in my article about competitive swimming, I need much swim practice. Aside from the fact that I have never combined all 3 sports before, I guess I should start now!

Right away I went for it, swam, biked, and ran all in one day. It was tough, but we over trained. Even though Jennifer, my teammate almost passed out, I felt really good about things, till, that is, I swam with Kyla again… this means I went right back to drinking more pool water.

A little stressful? Uh, yeah!

After doing some time trials and a few short runs, I was convinced that I was going to suck at triathlons. The Friday before the tri, I ran twice, once with my workout buddy and the other was with my boot campers. Afterward, I felt heavy and slow. I hadn’t even swam that day. Not cool!! Now I am feeling slow on two of the three sports. This is bound to suck.

Either way, it was time to buy spandex! Kyla, my wife and I all went spandex shopping. After making our initial stop, we found that all they had was xtra large tri suits. I will not wear a onesy! Not now. Not ever! So, it was off to another store. Across the street.

Here we found one whole rack devoted to tri apparel, and it was on sale. After being spotted by the sales person, she must had seen the scared looks on our faces when we saw how short and tight their spandex was, she came over to make the sale She did a great job selling us the right spandex. And we did a great job trying them out. Running in circles and doing lunges, we felt comfortable. We will take them!!

It must have been the way the spandex held things together. Because everyone thought I was an intermediate athlete. Which is funny because I hardly consider myself a competitor, much less an athlete. Well, whatever. I went with it and was feeling good… till I jumped into the water to do a warm up lap. I drank some Cumberland river water… through my nose! It’s hard to keep your game face on when you are coughing like a first time smoker in the water.

Race time! Everyone in the water. Off I go, over the river and through the woods. After suffering through the swimming, I managed to complete it in 15 minutes. This is a far cry from the first time I swam with Kyla. See article. I jumped on my bike and away I went. This is my sport and I dominated it. Flying up hills and passing everything in sight. I could have went 12 more miles! But alas, I have to run… Which is like fast walking through calf deep snow. I finished it and that’s all that matters! I didn’t stop, not even to pee. It was great.

Next time, I’ll give my body at least 3.5 weeks to prepare. That should do it, I mean I don’t  want to be consumed by the sport. Right?