It’s that time of the year again!! The Super Bowl has been played and another team has claimed the Lombardi Trophy. For us football fans it’s a time for mourning. Unless you’re a Green Bay fan!! Now comes the long wait till the NFL Draft in April, and in our hopes our favorite team makes the best picks in the Draft. But I won’t expound on the Draft till April. Let me take a look at this season in retrospect.

Teams that impressed me the most:

2010-2011 Super Bowl Champs, the Green Bay Packers: Here’s a team that overcame so much adversity with injuries and still managed to win the Super Bowl. Aaron Rogers proved that he was the right choice as the starting QB back in 2008.
The Pittsburgh Steelers: Despite Big Ben being suspended and Santonio Holmes being traded to the Jets they still managed to frustrate opposing offenses and defenses. Except for the Green Bay Packers!!!
The New England Patriots: 2010-2011 MVP QB Tom Brady with another stellar season. It’s too bad Belichick gambled on benching WR Wes Welker during the playoff matchup with the Jets.
The St. Louis Rams: Despite a rookie QB, they came so close to going to the playoffs, but I have my eye on this team for next season.
The Seattle Seahawks: For having the worst regular season record for a division champion they still managed to beat the New Orleans Saints. Again, I have my eye on this team next season.
The Atlanta Falcons: With an impressive 13-3 record in the regular season, this team has what it takes to be a threat next season.
The Kansas City Chiefs: From being a joke last season to AFC West Champs is all I can say about this team.
The Jacksonville Jaguars: Despite losing the last few games during the regular season, they came close to winning the division.
The New York Jets: If you read my 2010-2011 Predictions I predicted that the Jets would’ve won the Super Bowl. However, don‚Äôt hold your breath for next season as 17 of their starters are up for free agency in this coming off-season.
The Philadelphia Eagles: MICHAEL VICK!!!!! Enough said.
Finally the Chicago Bears: I thought these guys were bottom of the barrel but somehow they managed first place. Peppers was a beast, but I still wasn’t impressed with Jay Cutler.

Teams that just sucked:

The San Francisco 49ers: I thought these guys were the NFC West division winners at the beginning of the season. Boy was I wrong!! Singletary was short-changed as head coach.
The Tennessee Titans: Chris Johnson had a disappointing season, Vince Young was terrible and Jeff Fisher is about to collect unemployment. In other words, a big fail for my hometown team.
The Cincinnati Bengals: I don‚Äôt know what was up with these guys? They had the best team in my opinion. Two of the best deep threats in the game, a killer rookie Tight End, and a Wes Welker type slot receiver. This team’s future looks bleak for next season since Carlson Palmer wants out. Sorry Tim and Terry.
The Indianapolis Colts: I bet you’re wondering why they are on this list, but with costly injuries and one of the worst seasons from Peyton Manning, I decided to add them.
The Minneapolis Vikings: In simple words “PLEASE FAVRE RETIRE ALREADY!!!”
The Arizona Cardinals: Like I predicted Matt Leinart was a bust after Warner retired and they had to rely on Derek Anderson. I just hope he takes next season more seriously if he is still up for the job.
And finally the Dallas Cowboys: Of all the teams that imploded this season, the Cowboys win it by a landslide. Sure Tony Romo was injured for half the season, but it still doesn’t hide the fact that they played like a bunch of individuals and not as a team.

I know I didn’t mention every team, but I knew that some of those teams I failed to mention played to my expectation. If you read this and are offended please don’t be, this is just my opinion. I would like to say pleasing things about every team but that would take the fun out of it. But if there’s one thing we all can agree on, it’s the long wait till August when preseason starts and we begin that time to pick our winning or losing fantasy football teams. (Sorry, Terry, better luck next year.) But hey, the Daytona 500 is a few weeks away and March Madness is around the corner.

I have always said if you think my job is easy you should do it for a day, see how you like swearing, reschedules, no-shows, excuses and useless complaining. I am in charge, so that’s a plus, right? Well kind of… you see, when you are in charge of complainers you get to hear everyones complaints all the time. Besides that, you have to be twice as committed as the person(s) you are working with. Some for you, but lots for them. You got to bring the energy like it hasn’t been brought.

I love it though, after about 3 years of doing the instructing you get real used to the types of people you see come in the door. For instance I can spot these:

- I’m here because it’s cheap
This is just fine with me. Fitness should be accessible, but don’t complain when the class gets cut because of your lack of commitment (attendance) to said cheap class. Hence the reason for raising prices.

- Looks the part boot camper
The person(s) that come in wearing matching clothes with a gatorade bottle and a towel with their initials on it. Cool, but this isn’t a fashion show. Wearing that is just going to get you made fun of. Unless you are actually going to workout — then maybe not. (Strong maybe)

- Gum chewer
Ha! I love this boot camper as this is always a chance for me to establish two things 1) my authority which I don’t need to do with gum but do it anyways. 2) nutritional minute with Terry. This starts with: spit out that gum and then tell me what’s in it. Yes, I do make them spit it into my hand!

Now now, I have had some clients that are incredibly committed and always make me smile. These clients have been great – so great we all came up with these pseudo rules for first timers:

1 ) No gum in boot camp. Ever.
It isn’t real. It didn’t come from a “gum” tree.
2 ) There is no music in boot camp.
Because, there is no music in boot camp.
3 ) There is no asking about music in boot camp.
This rule makes everyone roll their eyes as I say “there is no music in boot camp”.
4 ) No dancing in boot camp.
Unless it’s me doing the dancing, don’t worry it’s free. Call it a bonus.
5 ) No un-sanctioned water breaks.
You’re butt is mine till say it’s not or till the top of the hour. You can drink water at every 1/3
6 ) No sitting
You can rest when you’re dead.
7 ) No talking in boot camp.
This isn’t curves, and I don’t need to know about your great aunts gout.
8 ) No quitting
Nobody likes a quitter. Not even you’re mother.
9 ) If you complain I complain
When I complain it will be about you and your lack of form, determination, proper hydration, loud feet, you’re lateness, you’re matching clothes, gum and why are you stopping!
10 ) Never talk about donuts, diet coke, or your late night indulgences of any kind.
This will actually make me mad, which doesn’t happen to me very often. You are killing the vibe and encouraging the others to make compromises away from my specific instructions.
11 ) You’re welcome.
For the soreness, throwing up, for the sweat, the weight loss, motivation, for taking you’re gum, for making my class affordable and for yelling at you when you’re late.

Besides these you should know the un-spoken rules of working with a trainer. Don’t ever say “I’m actually not sore” or “I wish we could do something for my butt” Oh we will, how about 100 lunges! “I’m actually really good at (enter any workout you would like your instructor to torture yourself and everyone else with)” Then there’s the little known rule, don’t ever say, “I come in a little late to skip jumping jacks” Haha, you just made the whole class mad at you, we WILL do 5 minutes of jumping jacks for no good reason.

Happy resolution season to all and we will see you in the new year if you are lucky!

It’s important as a foot tapper to be aware of your surroundings and to not let it annoy anyone who may be around you. Use socks or soft padded shoes on carpet for quiet tapping. Choose wooden soles and wooden floors for a rousing good time tapping. I typically go with bare feet or socks on wooden floors as I find that it is a nice mixture of intensity and quietness. Also, add in some finger tapping and let the good times roll.

I have even found myself tapping away during meetings or formal gatherings. it is kind of relaxing and tiring at the same time. I mean, it is fun to accent the beats with your feet, but then you get tired. By the time you get tired you just don’t want to stop because you were having so much fun accenting the beats with your feet.

Did you know that if you tap your feet it is a sign of an abundance of energy? No, it’s not. I really don’t know. I do know (knowing is half the battle) that tapping improves circulation and can warm your feet. So tap away. Not tap dancing… just plain ole tapping your feet. Let’s see if you can accent the beats with your feet.

I have no gauge for drawing the imaginary line in the sand and saying no to competition. I get this itch, this itch… it drives me to do things I don’t really want to do, or can do, for that matter. Like running 8 miles in the blistering heat, I mean who does that? Me, because I was asked… by a girl.

What’s more shocking than doing things that I don’t want to do or can’t do, (because that’s shocking), is that I don’t ever remember being like this in my early years. I never really got into sports growing up, I mean, I played them, I just never really “owned” them. Of course now I want to “own” every sport out there! If only there was a way for a 30 year old man to walk onto an NFL team…. a man can dream! I get so competitive I can hardly sit still sometimes. I actually feel like I am missing out on something when someone tells me there is a race this weekend, or let’s play a pick up game of basketball, or missing a golf outing kills me… even though I haven’t played in 2 years.

I find myself competitive at everything even the things that I’m not good at. I know! Imagine me not good at something!! Crazy! So I have no idea what’s going on with this “problem”. I am open to suggestions, no really… Help Me!! I am running out of money going to these events! New Orleans, here we come!! But after South Carolina…

Here we are, about to embark on another exciting season of football. Below are my predictions of who will win their divisions and why:

AFC North:
Cincinnati Bengals РWhile they aren’t my favorite team, I’m really excited to see their new offensive weapons like: T.O., Jermaine Gresham, and Jordan Shipley. I can see them winning their division for the second straight year despite what some of the critics say about the Baltimore Ravens winning it.

AFC South:
Indianapolis Colts – All I only have two words to say about this team: Peyton Manning. Enough said.

AFC East:
New York Jets – No.1 defense last year with some new additions like Antonio Cromartie and Jason Taylor, these guys will dominate the AFC East. Sorry New England fans.

AFC West:
San Diego Chargers – This pick was a tough one because the Chargers lost Cromartie and LT to the Jets, but with Rivers still as QB they have the better offense in this division.

NFC North:
Minnesota Vikings – With Favre back and Adrian Peterson in the backfield, I expect the repeat of last season.

NFC South:
New Orleans Saints – Defending Super Bowl champs, and with Drew Brees as QB, expect them to dominate once again.

NFC East:
Dallas Cowboys – This pick was also a tough one since the Giants and the Redskins look pretty good this year, I predict that Dallas has too many weapons for the rest of division.

NFC West:
San Francisco 49ers – Since Mike Singletary took over as head coach this team has been on the comeback. Arizona’s days are numbered if Matt Leinart didn‚Äôt learn anything from Kurt Warner.

My predictions on the disappointing teams this season:

AFC North:
Cleveland Browns РWith Jake Delhomme and Colt McCoy on the team they still won’t make a difference in this tough division. Also, expect Pittsburgh to struggle without Ben Roethlisberger at QB for the first four to six weeks.

AFC South:
Jacksonville Jaguars – Terrible picks during the draft and lack of fan support, expect them to finish at the bottom of the barrel. I can see this team’s future becoming the Los Angles Jaguars.

AFC East:
Buffalo Bills – Who cares they got C.J. Spiller in the draft, this team is still one-dimensional and they passed on Jimmy Clausen in the second round. Expect them at the bottom of the divisional food chain.

AFC West:
Oakland Raiders – Main reason: Al Davis is still in charge. Who cares they have Jason Campbell at QB, they still suck.

NFC North:
Chicago Bears РI hate to say this about my favorite team, but they have the worst offensive line in the NFL. With a new offensive coordinator at the helm it still won’t fix this problem. Go figure, when Chicago gets a good QB (Jay Cutler) they can’t protect him. Only if they had him back during the Super Bowl instead of Rex (I can’t take a snap properly) Grossman.

NFC South:
Tampa Bay Buccaneers РI’m not too impressed with this team and it was also a toss-up with the Carolina Panthers, but the Panthers have a better offense than Tampa.

NFC East:
Philadelphia Eagles РThis pick was also a tough decision, but I’m going with my gut instinct on this one.

NFC West:
St. Louis Rams РDespite receiving the first pick in the draft, this team still has a few years to get better. Huh… this reminds me of the Detroit Lions.

Well, those are my predictions on who’s who and who’s not this year. I hope I’m wrong, at least when it comes to the Bears, but I’m sticking to my gut on this. If I offended you with any of these predictions go grab a tissue and let the fun begin. And oh, by the way, the New York Jets are going to win the Super Bowl.

I run regularly and bike on occasion, but as already mentioned in my article about competitive swimming, I need much swim practice. Aside from the fact that I have never combined all 3 sports before, I guess I should start now!

Right away I went for it, swam, biked, and ran all in one day. It was tough, but we over trained. Even though Jennifer, my teammate almost passed out, I felt really good about things, till, that is, I swam with Kyla again… this means I went right back to drinking more pool water.

A little stressful? Uh, yeah!

After doing some time trials and a few short runs, I was convinced that I was going to suck at triathlons. The Friday before the tri, I ran twice, once with my workout buddy and the other was with my boot campers. Afterward, I felt heavy and slow. I hadn’t even swam that day. Not cool!! Now I am feeling slow on two of the three sports. This is bound to suck.

Either way, it was time to buy spandex! Kyla, my wife and I all went spandex shopping. After making our initial stop, we found that all they had was xtra large tri suits. I will not wear a onesy! Not now. Not ever! So, it was off to another store. Across the street.

Here we found one whole rack devoted to tri apparel, and it was on sale. After being spotted by the sales person, she must had seen the scared looks on our faces when we saw how short and tight their spandex was, she came over to make the sale She did a great job selling us the right spandex. And we did a great job trying them out. Running in circles and doing lunges, we felt comfortable. We will take them!!

It must have been the way the spandex held things together. Because everyone thought I was an intermediate athlete. Which is funny because I hardly consider myself a competitor, much less an athlete. Well, whatever. I went with it and was feeling good… till I jumped into the water to do a warm up lap. I drank some Cumberland river water… through my nose! It’s hard to keep your game face on when you are coughing like a first time smoker in the water.

Race time! Everyone in the water. Off I go, over the river and through the woods. After suffering through the swimming, I managed to complete it in 15 minutes. This is a far cry from the first time I swam with Kyla. See article. I jumped on my bike and away I went. This is my sport and I dominated it. Flying up hills and passing everything in sight. I could have went 12 more miles! But alas, I have to run… Which is like fast walking through calf deep snow. I finished it and that’s all that matters! I didn’t stop, not even to pee. It was great.

Next time, I’ll give my body at least 3.5 weeks to prepare. That should do it, I mean I don’t ¬†want to be consumed by the sport. Right?

My long term goal is to open my own dojo and teach other little fruit ninja hopefuls my secrets in slashing and splattering fruit. I will also be providing them with a nutritious fruity snack at the same time which is something their little bodies need anyways, parents will like that. Instead of having colored belts to show rank like in most martial arts, I will have fruity belts, for example the banana belt is for beginners, the berry belt is a level higher, the citrus belt is a level higher than that, followed by apples, island fruits, and then on to melons…you get the idea. I will teach my little fruit seeds (that’s what I will call my young students) how to slash to the point where they can achieve 2 fruit combos, 3 fruit combos, 4 fruit combos, and even the famous 5 fruit combo! Of course a 5 fruit combo of all melons and coconuts seems a bit far fetched but it is possible my friends. A fruit combo is achieved when more than 1 fruit is slashed and splattered with a single swipe. This takes the fruity pleasure to a whole new level of satisfaction.

Someday when I retire I will become ‘Master Nate the Fruit Sensei’. I hope to take my message of fruitiness to the masses and start a new refreshing movement of messiness. So if you’re stuck in a rut, or just frequently constipated, you’re welcome to follow me on to fruitier pastures!

To start your journey with me visit: www.fruitninja.com

Let me do a little more setup to this Kyla person you are being introduced to today. I met her a little over a year ago when she came to a free boot camp I was having, with a friend. After not seeing her for 2 weeks she came back, but without the friend, I saw that she had some experience in boot camping. She could punch with the best of them and that meant she could box, which means she could probably take me. So I knew she was tough, but would find out later how tough she was. She soon joined a class we like to call “kill you with weights” and in this class I do what I do best. I find your weakness and dance on them (cause there are always more than one) while slapping your face. It will make you stronger, and a better person… or something like that.

Kyla came and was tough like I thought, keeping up with the fellah’s and beating a few of them as well. She kind of got on my nerves because I couldn’t break her… especially those abs of hers, until one day we decided to do the pushup/situp challenge. This was really tough, 300 a day all the way up to 1000 a day by the end of the month. She stuck in there right with me, which was unexpected. Why? Because I didn’t challenge her to this, she heard that I was doing it and jumped right in. I know crazy tough right?! But I got those abs (evil laugh).

I tell you this to tell you that she was a little to excited to throw me into the water. I have heard her when she instructs my boot campers for me, you wouldn’t be able to tell that she eats sit-ups for breakfast. So sweet. Till she has me in the water! I drank more pool water that day than I have in my whole life. She knows how competitive I am and she screws with my head. After the first lesson she told me “sure, we can swim a half mile in the lake without rest” knowing that I would be crazy enough to do it. I did, it was hard.

In summary, I will tell you that I haven’t learned how to swim competitively, but I will not quit, I can’t… I will not stop till I figure this out. I can’t let her win at my challenge to quit at hers. Breathe, blow bubbles, then repeat, and even though I think that the bubbles are silly, I will listen when she yells at me.

Why am I so competitive?

My boys just received a gift from their grandmother, my mother-in-law. She likes to send them, and my wife, gifts. I get cold shoulders, which are fine so long as they are quiet cold shoulders. I don’t need a shoulder that’s going to tell me that I am a bad husband and father. Right? So cold shoulders all around… I digress.

The slip and slide came in the mail, and by slip and slide, I mean a Big Lots knock off of an American classic. What’s the difference? About 3 feet and a cool logo that says Slip and Slide! Not to mention the patent yellow color that made you want to wet your pants while you ate a banana. Not you? Well aren’t you a Happy Henry?! I loved that yellow slip and slide as a kid and partway through adulthood. A slip and slide was a poor kids pool! We would ride that thing till we wore a hole in it! Then duct tape it.

In my early 20′s, I found myself at a youth conference as a youth counselor, I know, right? They let me in, and at this conference there was this epic 100 ft. slip and slide that went on for days. It was amazing! You had to soap up and then take off running, jump on, reach 35 MPH and then hit the mud at the end, but only if you were fast enough. Good times, good times!

My kids’ new slip n slide isn’t quite the same, but it has ole’ dad thinking about the way things used to be. I am currently plotting and planning ways to build another 100 footer in someones backyard. It’s the stuff that dreams are made of.

Aside from being incredibly fun, fellahs, you will have the ladies lined up around the block trying to catch a peak or take a ride. Your dating problems are solved! It’s what I do. Now go make some slip and slide dreams come true.
Remember when hitting the slip and slide you must go belly first to save your knees the pain of hard grassy surfaces. If you think you can handle the fall try standing up and seeing how far your can make it without falling. Remember to soap up for safety.

“So what should I do Nate?” I ask myself. I try to get my Bengals football fix by paying attention to the Scouting Combine, reading mock drafts, reviewing story lines and various team needs, anticipating free agency, and then enjoying the NFL Draft come late April.

Maybe each NFL franchise could actually have 2 teams, maybe an A-Team and a B-Team, this way the B-Team could play while the A-Team (this is not a group of special forces featuring Mr. T) is having their off-season. Whichever team would win the “Offseason Super Bowl” would get to wear t-shirts sort of like this one:

Would this solve my problem or would I risk burn out? Hmm, this is probably a bad idea.

Or maybe I should start recording all of the games from the previous season and then somehow burn them to DVD if I am not able to save them on DVR, that way I can re-watch all of the best Bengals games from the previous season! Yeah, that’s what I’ll do! But what if the Bengals only win 3 games that season? That would kinda suck, then I wouldn’t be motivated to re-watch those games. Grrrr, yeah bad idea.

What to do, what to do…I mean the juices are flowing but how about some help people?!?!

At least baseball season starts in April and that will help lessen my football cravings for at least a month.