Alan Keyes is fighting for real liberty… real freedom. As I mentioned in my previous article on John McCain, true freedom is not the ability to do whatever we want, it is the power to do what is right. The Founders, while some were deists and others theistic rationalists, put themselves under the authority of God, and recognized a key principle: moral authority cannot be based on (or defined by) individual choice.

The idea that our rights come from God is key. Candidates step forward to tell us how they are going to fix this problem and that problem, all the while not recognizing those are just symptoms. The root problem is deeper, although I think it is simple and complex at the same time. It is simply recognizing the authority and wisdom and providence of God. Even when immoral man (In this case the Founders… and every American) enacts principles based on the authority and wisdom of God they will have positive outcomes… blessing. “Wisdom is justified by all her children.” Must a person be a Christian to reap those rewards? No.

It truly is amazing to look back and see the vision of the United States.

“…that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. –That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.”

In George Washington’s farewell address (which I would encourage everyone to read) he notes:

“Of all the dispositions and habits which lead to political prosperity, religion and morality are indispensable supports. In vain would that man claim the tribute of patriotism, who should labor to subvert these great pillars of human happiness, these firmest props of the duties of men and citizens.”

And again, “Whatever may be conceded to the influence of refined education on minds of peculiar structure, reason and experience both forbid us to expect that national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle.”

And again, “It is substantially true that virtue or morality is a necessary spring of popular government. The rule, indeed, extends with more or less force to every species of free government. Who that is a sincere friend to it can look with indifference upon attempts to shake the foundation of the fabric?”

And yet again, “Can it be that Providence has not connected the permanent felicity of a nation with its virtue ? The experiment, at least, is recommended by every sentiment which ennobles human nature. Alas! is it rendered impossible by its vices?”

Did you hang with that? Do you get that? Alan Keyes gets that. I fear too many Americans do not get it and they give their consent to elected officials who neither get it, nor can articulate it, nor care to. Many Americans are opposed to Alan Keyes just because he mentions God. They fail to see that many Founders (the majority) were not Christians and yet they submitted to the wisdom and principles of God. They were not followers of Jesus, but they recognized that our rights come from God and moral authority cannot be based on (or defined by) individual choice.

Many Americans want to change and be like other countries who are more socialistic in nature. There are plenty of countries they can look at, visit, or even move to… but I desire to stay true to the vision that was the United States… I think it unique and worthy of staying so. Alan Keyes understands and can articulate this vision. The problem again is that most Americans do not understand half of Mr. Keyes’ vocabulary. He would have to slow down his speech and continually clarify with synonyms to educate most people. Many times, when people do not understand, they just automatically ridicule or berate the person or idea… instead of stepping back and thinking about the issue and becoming more educated.

So when looking at the issues and looking at Alan Keyes on the issues. I agree with him and can see how he is looking at the vision of the United States, and the Constitution, and the Declaration of Independence, and those things shape his view on limited government, national sovereignty, moral sovereignty, income taxes, the sanctity of life, war, healthcare, the institution of the family, and on and on… all of the issues that candidates pander to and yet never really get to the root of the issues.

In closing, I found it most interesting how George Washington repeatedly mentioned his imperfectness. Not too many candidates do that today. “I will only say that I have, with good intentions, contributed towards the organization and administration of the government the best exertions of which a very fallible judgment was capable.”

And again, “…I am nevertheless too sensible of my defects not to think it probable that I may have committed many errors. Whatever they may be, I fervently beseech the Almighty to avert or mitigate the evils to which they may tend.”

Can you imagine an elected official saying this in a farewell address? Me either.

A link for Mr. Keyes.

With all of this comes the total disconnect with me as a voter, but that has all changed thanks to Sarah Palin. This woman excites me because my first impression of her is “real”. I feel like I already know her. She reminds me of my mother-in-law which despite her overwhelming love for soccer I respect her greatly.

Sarah Palin has changed this election and I will tell you why,

1) she has more experience than Obama and she can stand up for herself when given the chance.

2) she is a great speaker and out does both canidates in this race

3) she seems like a real maverick with a backround to prove it.

4) she has chosen people to serve with her based on their character, not their party affiliation.

5) she is smart, and well put together

5.5) she is hot! (I guess this is the sexist in me coming out)

That fact that she hasn’t been around D.C and beltway politics is a good thing. She was mayor of Wasila, Alaska and she defeated an incumbent to get there. Then she won the governor’s office and beat an incumbent of her own party. She was in charge of the Alaska National Guard. She turned in the chairman of her own party for shady dealings and got him fined 12 g’s. She is a lifelong NRA member, snowmobiler, and she has hunted moose… SO Sarah Palin for president!

No really.  She has united the people, both conservatives and republicans, because we are not the same. I feel like I can vote for McCain because he just proved that he can make good decisions. Maybe now we can see a real woman, in a very respectable position, lead with integrity and understanding, and not just with emotions. I didn’t see this coming, but I am glad it has, and will continue to watch her closely for obvious reasons and see if this really is going to be a worthy team to lead this great country that others, including G.W., have made it!

Now go and vote… or at least have an educated opinion.

Related Articles:

What To Do About VOTING FOR ALAN KEYES

What To Do About VOTING FOR BARACK OBAMA

What To Do About VOTING FOR JOHN MCCAIN

McCain does not inspire with his speech. Unlike Obama, he certainly is not the best speaker. McCain strikes me as the type who wants to do what he needs to do to win… not necessarily what is right. I guess he strikes me as a politician like Obama. There is a certain air of self-righteousness. Granted, they are both politicians… and no one is perfect. I just want to see a politician who is willing to do what is right and what is needed to win without compromising the former.

McCain simply hasn’t shown me the dedication to freedom that I would like to see. To that remark, no doubt, McCain supporters would say “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!” He fought in vietnam, was tortured in the Hanoi Hilton, yada yada yada. Don’t get me wrong, I think that experience is crucial in showing dedication to freedom and country… but it surely is not all encompassing.

McCain has not shown the support for limited government and true freedom. What is true freedom? The unencumbered ability (or power) to do what is right and just. It is not the power to do whatever we want. The Constitution and the Declaration Of Independence have set the tone for this freedom. Those documents are not perfect by any means, but I believe they are among the best created for the purpose of governing amidst the world that we currently live. The evidence can be seen in the blessing that we have to live in the United States of America.

For example, the institution of the family is true and just. It will always be true and just because it was instituted by God and not man. McCain has not fought for this institution. Protecting things like the family allow for greater freedom and prosperity in the rest of the sphere that is our lives. Next, campaign finance reform. His work, while maybe the intentions were good (and you know what they say about that), has not done a darn thing to really help the root of the problem. In fact the opposite needed to be done to truly diminish the impact of a few wealthy individuals. I can go on… and I will… but in another blog on Alan Keyes.

At the end of the day, McCain plays to the crowd but doesn’t really know the music.

NEXT!!

Related Articles:

What To Do About VOTING FOR ALAN KEYES

What To Do About VOTING FOR BARACK OBAMA

What To Do About VOTING FOR SARAH PALIN

You know what I am talking about though? The say anything for the public type of person. That was one of the things I really like about George Bush… and yeah I really like George Bush. The other day I heard him call unexpectedly into a radio station along with his dad (Bush 41) and his younger brother (Jeb Bush). He is the kind of guy I would like to hang out with…. go fishing, throw football, play golf (if I played), and have a beer with. He isn’t articulate by any means. In fact sometimes when he speaks you are afraid of how things are gonna come out…. but I have some friends like that… and they are great people.

So back to Barack. So that first issue… the first impression we shall call it… is nothing too big… it is just surface and gut instinct on my part. So beyond that let’s examine the issues… for my sake. First off, I am a believer in limited government. I do not see the government as the answer to my personal problems or the problems of society. That is what I love about the founding of the United States. It is based on freedom. Freedom from the government’s control in your life. So that is my first and biggest disagreement with Barack. He does not advocate in any way, shape, or form a more limited government… in fact he, along with Hilary (there is not much policy difference between them… just Barack is much cooler) would continue to expand the size of government and its intrusion into our lives.

Moving on. Because of this limited government view I disagree with Barack’s view on gun control and the right to bear arms. I disagree with his view on health care, I disagree with his view on economics. I find it ridiculous to hear all the talk of recession when we are not in a recession. I understand most people are not educated as to what a recession is (a decline in GDP for two or more consecutive quarters), but that is still no excuse to just believe whatever they are told. In fact the economy grew by a reasonable 3.3% in the second quarter of 2008. Also, the average unemployment rate under President Bush has been lower (5.197) than under President Clinton (5.205). Also, the average poverty rate is lower as North Shore Journal reports. Check it.

Also, while I think Barack has some decent ideas with regard to tax cuts… overall they are poor. Since the top 50% of achievers in monetary terms pay about 97% of the taxes… it makes sense to cut their taxes in order to spur the economy. They are the ones achieving, producing, and providing jobs for people like me… and you. I agree with Barack (and several candidates) that the income tax system needs to be redone. I do not think that achieving more in monetary terms should be turned into a disincentive via the tax code. As far as the tax code goes I agree with Alan Keyes on this issue… more on him later too.

Affirmative action is another area that I disagree with Obama. I think it is wise to have a diversity of races and backgrounds in order for success, but I do not think there should be quotas to decide who gets what job on the basis of race. That only makes the divide greater. Growing up with a minority father, I often heard stories and saw the effects of discrimination and how that affected my dad and how it still does. I do think people of all races and colors should be helped to the opportunity.  I think they should be treated equally.

The things mentioned above are about half of my problem with Barack and they stem from a foundational view of life that I hold as a Christian. That is not to say that a Christian couldn’t or shouldn’t vote for Barack. I just know that I cannot reconcile the two personally. Issues like legislating morality (the idea of legislation is based on morality), abortion, same sex marriage and/or civil unions, and racism. Nothing Barack says lends me to vote for him in any way. I just hear platitudes and promises… but for a politician, what’s new right? I know there will never be perfect candidates and I know that some people vote for the lesser of two evils… I just don’t want to.

At the end of the day, my ideas and foundational thought about the constitution, that is, the supreme law of our land, is almost completely different from Barack’s and therefore I cannot vote for him. Having said that, I don’t think I can vote for McCain either… but now Sarah Palin… woa.

More to come here on What To Do About. More come here. More here to come. More will come here. Here is more. Or maybe… There is more.

Related Articles:

What To Do About VOTING FOR ALAN KEYES

What To Do About VOTING FOR SARAH PALIN

What To Do About VOTING FOR JOHN MCCAIN

Looking at the calendar, you’d think it was still the autumn of 2007. Unfortunately, Washington D. C. thinks it is autumn of 2008. They’ve never quite been in touch with the rest of America, have they? We face a historic vote next year for the direction of the United States. Now that seems dramatic, but when we look at the rhetoric being spewed from candidates, it should be obvious that we are looking at road A or road B.

Several key issues stand out for the next election. The War on Terror, fiscal policy (taxes and spending), our ties to multilateral organizations (our sovereignty), gun control, government health care, national borders (our security), the environment and education (our future) are being discussed by the candidates. Are you listening? Do you catch the overt and covert messages? Are you translating the rhetorical words into the candidate’s real intentions? When we know our own guiding principles, we are in a better position to judge the candidates.

The first thing to figure out is what you personally believe about the Constitution. Some people believe the Constitution is a rigid document to be interpreted solely on its specific text. Some believe it is a “living” document with a changing meaning and should be reinterpreted as new issues arrive and culture changes. This becomes an issue for a President during judicial appointments. Hey, let’s be honest, a President from either party will stretch the Constitution if it favors them to do so and be rigid when it favors their opponents, but judicial appointments are where a President’s personal Constitutional views are taken seriously. Judicial appointments make legal precedent that may be followed for hundreds of years. Liberals seem to favor the judicial branch as a way to enact changes that cannot be pushed through the legislative branch and loose Constitutional interpretation. Conservatives seem to view that the judicial branch serves to enforce the laws of the Constitution first and the legislated law second with rigid interpretation. Will your favorite candidate appoint judges who interpret the Constitution rigidly or flexibly? How does this fit your views? Remember, just because you want it rigid for one of your favorite issues, do you want it rigid for others? Do you want it flexible for your issue but rigid for another? It is a balancing game. The candidates are talking about their judicial beliefs, are you listening?

Secondly, how much do you want the Government involved in your personal life? I spend an hour a year waiting in line at the Bureau of Motor Vehicles to get a renewal sticker for my license plates. What else do I want to hand them? Government involvement issues include health care, media censorship, education, consumer product regulation and taxes. Some have the more European point of view that the Government should tax high and provide a lot of services. Some believe the Government should tax low and let the private sector handle most of the services. Where do we find the balance? We must find our personal beliefs because neither party follows these lines rigidly. As President, Bill Clinton and his Republican congress used surging tax receipts as a way to balance the budget and supported free trade, which seem like conservative moves. George W. Bush cut taxes like a conservative, but let Congress run away with spending, which seems to be a liberal move. What is the extent of your belief in Government involvement in your life? This is a defining question!

Finally, we should analyze our personal beliefs about national sovereignty and foreign policy. How much should the United Nations be involved in our Government? Should we tighten up our borders and restrict immigration? How should our military be used? Which nations should we negotiate, fight, ignore, sanction, etc…? With organizations such as the World Trade Organization, International Monetary Fund, World Bank, United Nations and others, we have given away a large part of our economic sovereignty. The carbon trading schemes proposed by environmentalists would further tie our economy to the rest of the world. Liberals tend to have a viewpoint that America should consider itself a nation equal with other nations and never use force (economic or military) without the consensus of the UN. Liberal views usually see multilateral organizations as the route to pushing for democracy and human rights in other nations. Conservatives tend to view America as a leader nation that should not tie itself too tight to multilateral organizations and should use its status to push other countries toward democracy and human rights. What is your view? The issues that fall under sovereignty and foreign policy include the environment (the push for carbon trading schemes), the War on Terror, fighting dictatorships, human rights reforms and financial support for other nations. Again, no party holds too firmly to one side or the other. Presidents of both parties tend to keep their options open and decide foreign policy on a case by case basis, but their rhetoric gives us a clue as to how they will approach other world leaders.

I ask that people consider their personal stance on all these issues. Most other issues seem to line up under these overriding philosophical viewpoints. Once you know your views, you can judge the candidates on merit (if you find merit in a candidate). This is a much better way to vote than to buy into the empty promises, name calling, one-liner quips and rhetoric. Often the candidates change their views to match the crowd they are pandering to, but when you know your views, you won’t be fooled by their bait-and-switch maneuvers. Also, once you know your views, you can read history to test whether they have worked in the past. The best way to judge our personal views is to back them up with successful examples. Human nature hasn’t changed since Adam and Eve, just the tools at our disposal.

This article was written by our good friend Brian Spirito.

Actor Sean Penn recently left the United States to visit Hugo Chavez, President of Venezuela. Chavez has spent the past several years administering his “Bolivarian Revolution” in his native land. Championed by everyone including Communists, Socialists, Terrorists and Hollywood, Chavez has slowly stripped human rights from his people on their behalf. That is the tragic irony of socialism: all the atrocities happen in the name of “The People.” He has shut out foreign businesses that employed his people, shut down media outlets not loyal to him, supported terror groups throughout Latin America and partnered with rogue terrorist nations such as Iran and Syria. Sean Penn, Danny Glover and a whole slew of Hollywood actors have lent their support to this Socialist/Communist takeover of Venezuela. After Sean Penn’s embarrassing rescue mission to New Orleans, maybe he should leave the rescue of the underclass to someone else.

“When I see an American flag flying, it’s a joke.”
Robert Altman
1/21/2002

What is it about America that has made these people wealthy celebrities and has them so diametrically opposed to freedom of speech, freedom of press, freedom of assembly and capitalism? This is nothing new; in fact, it would seem to be part of a pattern that has pervaded the past 200 years. Artists, actors, writers and academics rallied behind Communists on several occasions. In 1848, Russian writer Fyodor Dostoevsky was arrested in St. Petersburg for joining a radical group with other academics who were plotting to overthrow Czar Nicholas I. In 1917, writers like Leo Tolstoy and Maxim Gorky championed Communism and motivated Vladimir Lenin and Leon Trotsky while Russian producers wrote anti-government plays leading up to the Bolshevik Revolution. In the 1940’s and 1950’s, Hollywood actors, writers, directors and film executives were questioned by the House Unamerican Activities Committee (including Sean Penn’s father Leo Penn) and some were blacklisted for their ties to the US Communist party.

“I think the U.S. is terrifying, and it saddens me.”

Tom Cruise (not his real name)
6/27/2002
 
“I think scientology is terrifying, and it saddens me.”

Brian Spirito (my real name)
8/17/2007

To be fair, numerous actors keep some class when they talk about politics. Acting is not easy work and takes a lot of talent to be great, but when Hollywood carries a general disdain for the great unwashed citizens of the world (except for the hand picked mascots of their charitable work), they cannot be taken seriously. Along with academics, they carry what Thomas Sowell describes as “The Vision of the Anointed.” In his book of the same name, Sowell describes how self appointed visionaries arrogantly lecture society about how they should think and act rather than being open minded to the fact that most people do not believe in Socialism. They contend that anyone who disagrees with them must be evil, dumb or otherwise ignorant. Another sad irony: the very people who complain most about the American Government seem to want to give the government more power via health care, the “Fairness” Doctrine over broadcasting and increased welfare programs.

Let us put these celebrities into perspective. They make a living out of telling fictional stories and acting like other people. They embellish real events, exclude inconvenient facts and rewrite history for the sake of broadcasting a more interesting story. Why wouldn’t they do this with their politics? Their children are in private schools and raised by nannies, their accountants handle their money, their agents find their employment and their housemaids clean up after them. Face it, they do not live in the world that 99% of us live in. How can they tell us how to think and vote? How can they lecture us about our lifestyles? How can they pretend to understand what people in poverty are really doing? They don’t even go to the same rehab as other citizens, they go to luxury spas, we go to jail. When mainstream society disagrees with their altered reality, Hollywood begins the lectures to the masses.

“I don’t know of a country [America] where the people are so ignorant of reality and of history, if you can call that a free world.”

“Hanoi” Jane Fonda (Viet Cong Artillery Expert)
4/8/2003

So how do we handle celebrity politics? For one, ignore them and stop giving them your money. Stop buying silly celebrity magazines, stop going to movies featuring socialist actors, educate yourself and vote using logic instead of groupthink. Know your beliefs and read history. None of the issues facing America are new; they’ve been rehashed over and over again. We can see the Socialist policies advocated and championed by the Hollywood elite have proven disastrous for every nation that has adopted them and we will see over the next decade how their support for a future dictator will destroy Venezuela. The condescension toward their country and support for a totalitarian such as Chavez is not without precedent. Writers, academics and Hollywood have had sympathies for Joseph Stalin, Che Guevara, Mao Zedong and numerous other “revolutionaries” throughout history.

Some excellent books I recommend:

“Can America Survive” by: Ben Stein, Phil DeMuth

“The Vision of the Anointed” by: Thomas Sowell

*this article was featured on August 29, 2007

Shootin’ and killin’… don’t knock it till you try it! Why can’t we go back to the days of the Wild West? Back then you were known by how fast your hand was and you didn’t have to take any crap from anyone. If you were quick enough you could do anything you wanted… and lets not forget you would always get the girl in the end… and something about the sunset.

I love playing with guns, shooting at targets or random abandoned buildings, not to mention tasty animals. It’s amazing the release that is felt after you squeeze the trigger of .45-caliber handgun. Everything just floats away… your troubles and worries vanish. There is something about a gun that can make even the smallest of testicles drop. Or… if you are a woman you will notice the grand euphoria that is felt. It is unmatched, there is nothing quite like having that power right in the palm of your hands. (Yes, we are still talking about guns here).

Unlike many of my opening dialogs… well, this is like many of my opening dialogs. However, I do believe more things could be resolved with weapons. As a matter of fact, guns have brought a lot of good things to this country and to the world.

Hold on now… stick with me before you get all riled up.

There is a lot that can be said about the use of guns in securing freedom, keeping prisoners at bay, or just hunting for food. I guess it is all relative to your state of mind and how you were raised as to whether you are for or against the use of them. If I could, I would use a gun every day to go out and kill my food, then cook it over an open fire… then kill who or whatever tried to steal it.

You can give a lot of credit to the guns for the evolution of the modern world and the things we have conquered… and to think, there are still people out there that believe “guns” kill people. I think they do have a hand in it… no seriously, we need to start with a different perspective on the whole idea. If we start by understanding that if we teach responsibility, love, and respect to our kids and practice these things ourselves we can co-exist with these weapons. Instead, we as a society let the government tell us what to believe and how to believe (and not only in regard to guns).

Right now we should be taking action to keep our right to bear arms. We should take notes from our forefathers who braved this country with nothing but a gun in one hand and a knife in the other (and a coonskin hat). Our world will always be governed by the use of force even when the whole world is saying PEACE. There will be a time when there will be no more war and weapons will no longer be needed… but man will never bring us to that point.

Our forefathers had it right when they formed our constitution and it still holds true today.

I do hear the other half when they say that in this modern time we don’t need to have weapons cause they serve no purpose. I think on the contrary, they protect our soldiers and our cops… not to mention the people in my house.

I believe we could do a lot better at educating each other instead of slinging blame all the time. I guess I have said too much about this subject. I realize there isn’t anything funny about it… (although, I thought I did a pretty damn good job) that’s because it involves death and there are those dying for our right to argue about this subject and to them I am truly grateful for their sacrifice.

So strap one on in honor of our right to do so. I hope you are inspired by this column and maybe want to take up hunting, target shooting, or at the very least want to mount a rifle above your mantle. That would be rad.

Terrorism. It’s a real nightmare these days. You can’t crawl out of bed without hearing a horror story hailing from the middle east, our children can’t even attend their classes without the fear of being shot by the class nerd, and don’t even think about getting on an plane without having to disassemble your laptop while explaining the fillings in your teeth. Yes my friends the world is going to hell fast and no one really seems to be concerned. Well, why would you be concerned with all the distractions at our fingertips. Our cell phones can now play hundreds of songs, our cars pretty much drive themselves, leaving us more time to catch up on that book that you promised Oprah you would read last year. You don’t even have to pick up the phone to order a pizza anymore, the internet can handle all of that for you. Yes, In the words of Mr. Dylan himself, “the times they are a changin.”

Now don’t worry, I don’t plan to sit here and preach to you about all the silly things we Americans are doing to turn our brains into mush. I mean hell, at least you bought that book that Oprah loved so much. That’s one good thing you got going for yourself. No, I am simply here to warn you of the things that are to come. The things that the government will not tell you about. Oh they’ll brush the surface of the problems at hand. Take global warming for instance. It seems that every company these days has a plan for “going green”. They offer their cost efficient ways to be more “eco-friendly” and even get some money back from Uncle Sam in doing so. But the real reasons for trying to save the environment may not be as tree hugger as you think. Save the ozone, more like save my brains.

Now I know that this may be a little hard to swallow. But take it from a man who has seen this dark-side and battled this evil before. Zombies are real and are popping up more rampantly than rednecks at Shrimp & Steak night at Golden Corral. A scientist at the University of North Carolina who has wished to remain nameless explains “The hole in the Ozone layer is allowing space sludge to fall from the solar system, mixing with the clouds thus making a unknown chemical rain. Once the rain seeps into our cemetery soil the infection is set. It spreads like wild fire, reanimating the dead giving them an unexplained hunger not unlike that of reptiles. They will attack anything that moves.”

The U.S. government is taking the necessary precautions to correct this problem. Teaming with Hollywood to push the new found green lifestyle, along with the Special Undead Investigation Unit who monitors the unknown chemical rain with real time storm tracking devices. The S.U.I.U. can be at the scene of an outbreak within a matter of minutes. Doing everything in their power to keep these situations under-wraps. But what happens when that is just not enough. The number of people who are actually doing something to help the environment is still not enough to stop the rain from coming down. And with every day of super powered sunlight comes another day closer to a zombie armageddon. I feel that I must take it upon myself to offer a few suggestions to stay alive in a zombie infested America.

When preparing for an attack you must have your supplies at hand. Zombies are stealth hunters. They can smell human brains up to 2 miles away. Stock your house with non-perishable items and plenty of water. You should always treat a zombie outbreak like that of a severe storm warning. Board up your windows and doors, and DON’T GO OUTSIDE unless absolutely necessary. If the time comes when you do have to leave your house, take a few minutes to prepare yourself for what could happen. These things could keep you alive.

First off is protect-ant clothing. The Mesh chain garb that deep sea divers wear is ideal but may weigh you down a bit if you have to start running. A standard wet suit will do the job just fine as zombies teeth are not sharp enough to break thru the material. Make sure to guard your face and hands, wear thick socks and heavy shoes as your feet will be your biggest defense. Stay on them and you will live.

Owning weapons is touchy these days. If you carry a knife you are automatically looked at as “that dude who carries a knife” or “here comes the knife club, table for one.” But who will get the last laugh when zombies are eating their brains with their morning coffee. Bats, Chains, Axes, Gardening tools, Guns, Knives, Chairs, Lawnmowers. If you can swing it or shoot it, It will protect you from the living dead. The trick is to always aim for the head. Separating the brain from the body is the only way to take these things down. So do it fast and you will return from the video store no sweat. If you are going to carry a firearm please do it responsibly. I would also suggest carrying two just incase. You never know, one may just not be enough.

Spotting a zombie can be harder than you think. Zombies that are in the late stages of decomposition may not make it out of the cemetery without losing their limbs first. The muscles that are left are just too weak to move a body. Leg’s and arms are too heavy to move quickly. These zombies are the least of your worries. They can easily be taken out with a blow from a blunt object. There are reported cases of men pulling a badly decomposed zombies head right off of it’s body. It’s the fresher corpses that you should be afraid of. Often dressed in their sunday best, these zombies blend in well with everyday people. Notice the dirty fingernails, horrible odors, lifeless eyes and uncontrollable moaning. But be careful not to attack with prejudice, you could be hacking away at your local wino.

If you should ever find yourself surrounded by zombies do not panic. If you prepared properly you should still have a firearm in your possession. Your weapon should help to clear a path. One trick of the trade proves to be gruesome but highly effective in the skill of zombie hunting. If you come across a zombie who has already been terminated or should you put one down yourself, remove a hand or foot from the corpse and keep it on you at all times. The smell that the hunk of zombie flesh omits will keep the zombies confused, leaving them guessing whether or not you are one of them. This simple move could save you big when fighting off the undead.

Many people will read this and pass it off as a crazy right winged story to keep kids in bed at night, others will laugh it off as merely a joke. But the ones who prepare will be the ones who prevail. Or you could just drive a fuel efficient car, or even ride your bike for a change. There are a number of websites devoted to helping people understand how to practice a “green” lifestyle. Organizations all over America offer groups and classes to get you started. But good luck trying to find a zombie defense class at your local health food Co-op. So be kind to mother earth, and remember, if you save our planet, you will save your brains.

*this article was featured on August 18, 2007