The other day while walking out of Whole Foods Market, I almost bit the bullet. You see, not only does the flip flop not have good traction on a wet surface, but your foot, which is exposed, is now wet and is sliding off of the flip flop. Therefore, my flop went flip while my foot went flop, which almost sent me flying feet first!

Luckily, from my days as a neighborhood meter reader, in which I had to walk through every kind of weather imaginable, I have acquired a knack for catching myself while tripping. I think the trick is to let the foot go that is snagged or slipping. Just let it do its thing. In the meantime, use your other foot to correct your balance. You may have to let yourself fall in such a way that it makes it easier for your leg and foot to catch yourself, as you are falling in a manner with which your other leg is confident it can help you recover from.

Suppose you do not have the best coordination and would not be able to catch yourself, what else, what else could you do to keep yourself safe when wearing flip flops in the rain?? Well, you are in luck! We here at WhatToDoAbout.com have developed our proprietary Flop Chains! Just think of them like tire chains that you would put on your car when driving through heavy snowfall. Flop chains allow you to walk confidently in rainy weather. The comfortable leather strap nestles the top of your foot while the chains wrap the bottom of the flip and keep you from flopping.

Also, for those that cannot afford our custom Flop Chains, we offer custom engraved WhaToDoAbout.com canes. These beauties can be yours for only $750. The great thing about having a cane is that it really makes you a couple notches cooler, just for carrying it around. It is an excellent fashion statement that will transcend the years of your life, as you will enjoy it from 25 to 85. Spread out over 60 years, the initial investment is minimal, and the cane is multipurpose. Not only does the cane help you to maintain your balance through slippery conditions, it can also help you in warding off would-be assassins! Or, if you have kids, and we all know kids need discipline, you will always have your custom cane nearby to help provide that discipline!

There you have it! What To Do About WALKING IN THE RAIN WITH FLIP FLOPS! May you never fall in the rain again!

I want him to learn lots of instruments, but piano must be first. Why? I am glad you asked…. Because it takes more work. Doubt that? Then, Mr. Smarty pants you try it. Either way, this is the order of play when it comes to instruments in our house.

-Piano
-Drums
-Guitar
-Bass (by this time it will be cake)

When it comes to sports, there is a list that must be followed whether he likes it or not.

-Football
-Baseball
-Hockey
-Rugby
-Polo
-Water polo
-Golf
-Field hockey
-Frisbee golf
-Competitive swimming
…..maybe soccer, but not if I can help it.

There is always a list, even when you think there is no list, there is always a list. If you doubt this, ask your wife or any respectable woman, she will tell you. So fellahs, you learn to play the piano and suddenly the women won’t be so hard to figure out. Just play one note on the piano and suddenly she is fixed!

It’s back! Yes I know you missed reading my regular Top 10 Facebook Statuses post. Woot!

Todays best Facebook statuses currently being used by our friends (on Facebook that is) are listed below.

(names will remain anonymous)

1.) “Supporting Blink 182″ – (I think they get plenty of support already…unless you mean breast support of course.)
2.) “Just thought about something… If LeBron quit in the playoffs, why did they want to resign him at all!? – (Because it’s Cleveland.)
3.) “I’m really hoping we can make it through the night w/o sleep walking!” – (At least if you guys die you most likely won’t know it.)
4.) “De-cluttering my life before they make an episode of Hoarder’s about me! I will document the treasures I find! Let the entertainment begin..” – (If you find a big bag of money it’s mine…not sure how I lost that at your place but trust me, it’s mine.)

5.) “is thankful for supportive friends who do whatever it takes to help me stay grounded ” – (What you got against flying?)
6.) “these peaches from the Farmer’s Market are rockin’ my world right now!” – (Oh peaches!)
7.) “WOOT my friends, woot like you’ve never wooted before!!”
8.) “I loathe you NES for doubling my electric bill this month for no reason except that its july. Classy.” – (You played your Nintendo Entertainment System that much? dang.)

9.) “Oh sweet jesus. After going so long without tv, I’m suddenly angered by the stupidity of all commercials and 96% of programming. Was it always this dumb or did I just now notice?”
10.) “Spend more time in changing yourself and less time trying to change others.”

Become a fan of WhatToDoAbout.com on Facebook right here!

Woot!

My long term goal is to open my own dojo and teach other little fruit ninja hopefuls my secrets in slashing and splattering fruit. I will also be providing them with a nutritious fruity snack at the same time which is something their little bodies need anyways, parents will like that. Instead of having colored belts to show rank like in most martial arts, I will have fruity belts, for example the banana belt is for beginners, the berry belt is a level higher, the citrus belt is a level higher than that, followed by apples, island fruits, and then on to melons…you get the idea. I will teach my little fruit seeds (that’s what I will call my young students) how to slash to the point where they can achieve 2 fruit combos, 3 fruit combos, 4 fruit combos, and even the famous 5 fruit combo! Of course a 5 fruit combo of all melons and coconuts seems a bit far fetched but it is possible my friends. A fruit combo is achieved when more than 1 fruit is slashed and splattered with a single swipe. This takes the fruity pleasure to a whole new level of satisfaction.

Someday when I retire I will become ‘Master Nate the Fruit Sensei’. I hope to take my message of fruitiness to the masses and start a new refreshing movement of messiness. So if you’re stuck in a rut, or just frequently constipated, you’re welcome to follow me on to fruitier pastures!

To start your journey with me visit: www.fruitninja.com

In fact, I just misspelled grammar at the top of this article. There is no time, no time to think, I got to type. I can’t stop to sound things out or say “i before e except after c”. I have work to do! I must hurry!, to what, I don’t know, but make no mistake, I’ll be there early. Wherever “there” is.

Sure, I’ll leave out a comma or two, and even spell your when it should be you’re… I guess it all comes down to patience and attention to detail. Or is it too patience? Who knows?… I am just glad that I have friends like, Tim, who aren’t afraid to spell check me. Well, I guess it doesn’t have anything to do with fear so much as it does have to do with readability. Is that a word?

So what does one do down here on the bottom of the grammar food chain? You get real good at taking suggestions… Ok, ok…. Tim just yelled at me and said they are rules, not suggestions, or something like that. I wasn’t much for rules, but suggestions roll off my back like water on a ducks ass. I am just thankful that I haven’t misspelled any tattoos, that would suck.

*****

Tim: Mmm, this is better than I remember it. [eating ice cream]

Terry: That’s what she said.

*****

[thinking up ideas for wtdaNate (me) to write about.]

Terry: What To Do About THE WORLD CUP.

Terry: Who watches soccor??

Terry: Any help at all?

Nate: [shakes head]

Terry: He’s writing about crocheting.

Terry: You don’t know me at all Terry [high pitched voice...talking about himself].

*****

[lame music playing in the background]

Me: How’s that ice cream guys

Steve: Super good

Tim: delectable

Tim: I am very well convinced that most Americans do not eat enough saturated fats.

*****

Steve: I don’t have a whole lot of taste for art, I just think artists should be underpaid. [there just happens to be lots of bad art pieces hanging on the walls around us]

Steve: I think I should try and be an artist.

Tim: Maybe we should all try together.

Tim: Maybe we can make a masterpiece and sell it in a coffee shop for $400.

Tim: Drinks on me!

*****

[back to ice cream]

Terry: It’s not about the sweetness or how delectable it is, it’s about how I can’t stand to have something that’s not finished [talking about his pint of ice cream]

Tim: Scrape the top layer of freezer burn off and it’s fine.

Tim: I’m going to have about 250% of my daily recommended saturated fat intake.

Tim: What about you Steve.

Steve: I just had 120%

Steve: Now why would you use fair trade sugar AND regular sugar.

Tim: We want to help the fair trade people.

Steve: But not too much.

Tim: I really feel like I could make good ice cream. Like this quality but better ingredients. I really feel like I have it in me.

Steve: You wanna go global with this?

Tim: We are starting a raw milk ice cream business in California. Instead of Ben & Jerrys it’s going to be called Tim & Terrys.

Terry: I just don’t wanna be the one with the beard.

*****

That’s all I got kids. At least until the next time I act like I’m doing something but really writing down the conversation of my friends.

My boys just received a gift from their grandmother, my mother-in-law. She likes to send them, and my wife, gifts. I get cold shoulders, which are fine so long as they are quiet cold shoulders. I don’t need a shoulder that’s going to tell me that I am a bad husband and father. Right? So cold shoulders all around… I digress.

The slip and slide came in the mail, and by slip and slide, I mean a Big Lots knock off of an American classic. What’s the difference? About 3 feet and a cool logo that says Slip and Slide! Not to mention the patent yellow color that made you want to wet your pants while you ate a banana. Not you? Well aren’t you a Happy Henry?! I loved that yellow slip and slide as a kid and partway through adulthood. A slip and slide was a poor kids pool! We would ride that thing till we wore a hole in it! Then duct tape it.

In my early 20’s, I found myself at a youth conference as a youth counselor, I know, right? They let me in, and at this conference there was this epic 100 ft. slip and slide that went on for days. It was amazing! You had to soap up and then take off running, jump on, reach 35 MPH and then hit the mud at the end, but only if you were fast enough. Good times, good times!

My kids’ new slip n slide isn’t quite the same, but it has ole’ dad thinking about the way things used to be. I am currently plotting and planning ways to build another 100 footer in someones backyard. It’s the stuff that dreams are made of.

Aside from being incredibly fun, fellahs, you will have the ladies lined up around the block trying to catch a peak or take a ride. Your dating problems are solved! It’s what I do. Now go make some slip and slide dreams come true.
Remember when hitting the slip and slide you must go belly first to save your knees the pain of hard grassy surfaces. If you think you can handle the fall try standing up and seeing how far your can make it without falling. Remember to soap up for safety.

You’re welcome, is the new “that’s what she said”. It goes with everything and it’s family friendly!

You want examples? Well ok then!:

“What smells like hoho’s and feet?”; “you’re welcome”.

“what happened in the toilet?”; “you’re welcome”.

“my head hurts”; “you’re welcome”.

“I need to change my pants”; “you’re welcome”.

I could go on for days and days, but you get the picture!? Once you start, you will not be able to stop, it’ll make you laugh and you will be able to sit right back and watch others not laugh and then start doing it too. In fact, I think that is equally funny, when, after you are made fun of, the very same people find themselves giving into the game. It happened with “that’s what she said”, the “what” game, and now my new obsession: you’re welcome.

Try it, and if you don’t like it, you don’t pay a thing. You’ll find it to be glorious, I hope you fully enjoy yourself and I want to hear all about it.

So go, go now and make people laugh. I charge you to press others with your humor, borrowed as it might be. Do this, for it will greatly benefit… me. You’re welcome.

Mississippi is a great word to spell because you need to say the little song in your head. Mi-ss-I-ss-I-pp-I- now that’s a fun word! So is macaroni. I really don’t know why, it just looks cool when on paper. Speaking of cool, I think the word rum looks cool too. Looking cool and being cool is definitely the difference, because after a stint with some rum, a shuffleboard, and a sandcastle, it can make for a very un-cool night.

Anyway, enough about my troubles and me, and back to fun with words.

Oh yeah, bananas are a fun word and a fun food. You can mix them with anything except rum and sand castles. What is it with WhatToDoAbout.com and bananas? Not too long ago, Nate was going bananas. Now I am. Before long, it will infect Tim too. Or perhaps Tim was infected long ago, as we all know he is already bananas. Blast! Well, I think this article is tanking, because I am no good with the bananas. So go read What To Do About public restrooms.

(names will remain anonymous)

1.) “I think I have a crush on my physician.” – (And she’s the only one with the cure.)
2.) “rare are the times you can ask “did you watch it” and everyone knows what you’re talking about.” – (I’m lost, what are you talking about?)
3.) “”I think I have poo stuck in my tummy, I need a doctor” – David Carter, age 4. We prayed and thankfully he felt better!” – (Sometimes all it takes is a little prayer and a push.)

4.) “gettin’ fancy!” – (Here’s your one chance Fancy, don’t let me down.)
5.) “We here at Princess Bride HQ are honored and humbled that we have reached over 500,000 fans on Facebook! We all make one hell of a Brute Squad together. Thank you!” – (We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.)

6.) “if you want to record with Vikings, and you know you do, you should message me. Get ready to have your village pillaged.” – (If Brett Favre is on the album I’m definitely buying it!)
7.) “The squeaky wheel gets the grease.” – (So does the dead chicken after he’s been cooked.)
8.) “My mom just beat up a shoplifter! You rock mom.” – (Maybe your mom rocks because she is The Rock?)
9.) “I just got the best text ever, “Cody is a sexy man beast!” Yeah, best text ever!” – (When did he tell you that?)
10.) “here’s my impression of LOST: “Hey, ooh look at me I’m LOST! Yeah, my ending sucks!”" – (And the ending to this article also sucks.)

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