The other day while walking out of Whole Foods Market, I almost bit the bullet. You see, not only does the flip flop not have good traction on a wet surface, but your foot, which is exposed, is now wet and is sliding off of the flip flop. Therefore, my flop went flip while my foot went flop, which almost sent me flying feet first!

Luckily, from my days as a neighborhood meter reader, in which I had to walk through every kind of weather imaginable, I have acquired a knack for catching myself while tripping. I think the trick is to let the foot go that is snagged or slipping. Just let it do its thing. In the meantime, use your other foot to correct your balance. You may have to let yourself fall in such a way that it makes it easier for your leg and foot to catch yourself, as you are falling in a manner with which your other leg is confident it can help you recover from.

Suppose you do not have the best coordination and would not be able to catch yourself, what else, what else could you do to keep yourself safe when wearing flip flops in the rain?? Well, you are in luck! We here at WhatToDoAbout.com have developed our proprietary Flop Chains! Just think of them like tire chains that you would put on your car when driving through heavy snowfall. Flop chains allow you to walk confidently in rainy weather. The comfortable leather strap nestles the top of your foot while the chains wrap the bottom of the flip and keep you from flopping.

Also, for those that cannot afford our custom Flop Chains, we offer custom engraved WhaToDoAbout.com canes. These beauties can be yours for only $750. The great thing about having a cane is that it really makes you a couple notches cooler, just for carrying it around. It is an excellent fashion statement that will transcend the years of your life, as you will enjoy it from 25 to 85. Spread out over 60 years, the initial investment is minimal, and the cane is multipurpose. Not only does the cane help you to maintain your balance through slippery conditions, it can also help you in warding off would-be assassins! Or, if you have kids, and we all know kids need discipline, you will always have your custom cane nearby to help provide that discipline!

There you have it! What To Do About WALKING IN THE RAIN WITH FLIP FLOPS! May you never fall in the rain again!

I have had this place in my heart for rap since I was 16. Getting down with some Bone Thugs and Harmony, 2pac, DC Talk, and of course some Gospel Gangstaz. I know it’s crazy, but I liked some stuff from all of them. When I would listen to rap music I felt like I could beat up anyone even though I didn’t have too. A simple blank stare would scare anyone off, so long as California Love was playing in the background. I learned to play the drums while listening to and playing to DC Talk, Audio Adrenaline and Newsboys. These were also a little more accessible in our house, because my mom felt like if you were listening to bad music you were bad.

So few of my friends like rap music, they are very few and far between. I am listening to some as I write this article and my buds have this look on their face like “is this going to happen all night?”. It may, but probably won’t because I care what they think, kind of… now onto Ace Of Base.

What will I do about listening to rap music? I will continue to let it fly in my iphone shuffle playlist because it can be the perfect compliment to some “new metal” or snuggle right up to some “piano rock”. I will roll down the windows and blare that stuff… till someone walks up beside me, then I will turn it down so I don’t get beat up. While sipping my gin and juice!

I want him to learn lots of instruments, but piano must be first. Why? I am glad you asked…. Because it takes more work. Doubt that? Then, Mr. Smarty pants you try it. Either way, this is the order of play when it comes to instruments in our house.

-Piano
-Drums
-Guitar
-Bass (by this time it will be cake)

When it comes to sports, there is a list that must be followed whether he likes it or not.

-Football
-Baseball
-Hockey
-Rugby
-Polo
-Water polo
-Golf
-Field hockey
-Frisbee golf
-Competitive swimming
…..maybe soccer, but not if I can help it.

There is always a list, even when you think there is no list, there is always a list. If you doubt this, ask your wife or any respectable woman, she will tell you. So fellahs, you learn to play the piano and suddenly the women won’t be so hard to figure out. Just play one note on the piano and suddenly she is fixed!

It is important to monitor the kitchen towel, especially if you have unobservant roommates or family members, as they may have inadvertently wiped up chicken blood, or, perhaps, maybe coffee was spilled on the counter and the towel was set in it and then placed right back on the handle without anyone noticing.

Some people like to have two towels in the kitchen, one towel to use for hand drying, and one towel to use for drying dishes. I think the two towel method is useful for maintaining a cleaner towel for longer periods, although, while you may be able to stretch the usefulness of the clean towels, you now have the extra work of watching, swtiching out, and washing two towels as opposed to one. I like having two towels in the kitchen just so I can use one to snap people in the bum, but that’s just me. Towel snap!

So, as you should have been able to glean, the most important thing for excellent use of the kitchen towel is keeping it clean. The second most important thing is to allow it to dry properly in between uses. Sure, sure you will have times when you need a towel to clean up a dirty mess, but then that towel will go straight to the wash and will not be a regular customer of your hands or dishes for the next week.

If you fail to clean your towel or allow it to dry properly, it will develop a a terrible smell that will haunt you in your dreams. The smell will overtake your every thought and permanently bind you to its will. You will never again escape its clutches. It will be the farthest thing from the most interesting smell in the world, and yet, everyday you will think you smell the smell, even when you do not.

My long term goal is to open my own dojo and teach other little fruit ninja hopefuls my secrets in slashing and splattering fruit. I will also be providing them with a nutritious fruity snack at the same time which is something their little bodies need anyways, parents will like that. Instead of having colored belts to show rank like in most martial arts, I will have fruity belts, for example the banana belt is for beginners, the berry belt is a level higher, the citrus belt is a level higher than that, followed by apples, island fruits, and then on to melons…you get the idea. I will teach my little fruit seeds (that’s what I will call my young students) how to slash to the point where they can achieve 2 fruit combos, 3 fruit combos, 4 fruit combos, and even the famous 5 fruit combo! Of course a 5 fruit combo of all melons and coconuts seems a bit far fetched but it is possible my friends. A fruit combo is achieved when more than 1 fruit is slashed and splattered with a single swipe. This takes the fruity pleasure to a whole new level of satisfaction.

Someday when I retire I will become ‘Master Nate the Fruit Sensei’. I hope to take my message of fruitiness to the masses and start a new refreshing movement of messiness. So if you’re stuck in a rut, or just frequently constipated, you’re welcome to follow me on to fruitier pastures!

To start your journey with me visit: www.fruitninja.com

You’re welcome, is the new “that’s what she said”. It goes with everything and it’s family friendly!

You want examples? Well ok then!:

“What smells like hoho’s and feet?”; “you’re welcome”.

“what happened in the toilet?”; “you’re welcome”.

“my head hurts”; “you’re welcome”.

“I need to change my pants”; “you’re welcome”.

I could go on for days and days, but you get the picture!? Once you start, you will not be able to stop, it’ll make you laugh and you will be able to sit right back and watch others not laugh and then start doing it too. In fact, I think that is equally funny, when, after you are made fun of, the very same people find themselves giving into the game. It happened with “that’s what she said”, the “what” game, and now my new obsession: you’re welcome.

Try it, and if you don’t like it, you don’t pay a thing. You’ll find it to be glorious, I hope you fully enjoy yourself and I want to hear all about it.

So go, go now and make people laugh. I charge you to press others with your humor, borrowed as it might be. Do this, for it will greatly benefit… me. You’re welcome.

So, during the in-between times, your cool air is coming from a fan. For ultimate cooling, I set the fan in the window at night. Last night was one such night. It was a nice night, light winds and little humidity. It was the kind of night where we had all the windows open. Little did I know…

And then it hit me. In the middle of the night. The wind was so cold that my nipples were piercing my sheets. My wife actually asked me to stop scraping her with my nails. I assured her that those weren’t my nails.

Some would say that it was as cold as a well-digger’s knee! Alas, I tell you that I was cold enough that I could not make it to the fan without significant shrinkage. Nobody likes shrinkage, it’s like a frightened turtle.

When you suspect that the temps will be lower than 60 degrees overnight, turn that fan away from you! If you want to, you can even take the fan out of the window all together. I know it sounds crazy, but you can just sit that fan on the floor. Then you can worry about cooling the house down in the morning after you get out of bed and get dressed. This will be far less painful for your nipples or your turtles.

Take care and remember, you don’t have to do what I do, just do what I say.

I guess I’ll get to why I do this later in the article, but now I would like to follow down a rabbit trail of inquiry. What if for a minute we all just didn’t care about what got done and when? What would that look like? If everyone was doing this, would anyone notice? My answer would be, no, because there would be some other pressing issue like smelly pets and antifreeze in the street, maybe even an alert about missing children lost somewhere in the backyard under all the grass, the possibilities are endless.

The truth is that we all do it, but not all of us do it in the same way. I would like to read more, but cannot make it happen. Others would like to mow their lawns, but are waiting for optimal weather conditions. Some people would like to take down their Christmas decorations, but cannot find the boxes or don’t want to go look for them. No matter what the problem, there is always a mind of, “I’ll have time later”. Dirty procrastinators, don’t be afraid! Fear is a liar… and a whore.

Walk yourself over to the mirror and look yourself in the face and say these words, “you will not have time later, you need to do it now”. Now go, go out and impress your friends and do what you say you are going to do when you say you are going to do it. Your mother would be proud, if only for a second.

Now I have to test the tables before I set anything down. The sticky tables have ruined my trust in the establishment to procure the resting of not only my body, but also my cellphone, not to mention my silverware! Thankfully, most silverware is wrapped in paper or cloth, and then after I remove it I carefully place the fork on top of the knife if I am not going to use the knife, and if I am going to use the knife, I place it on a plate, and if there is no plate I place it on paper, and if there is no paper I say, “screw it, let the germs have their way”.

So let me make a couple of recommendations to you about what you should do when you are confronted with sticky tables at restaurants:

A) Do not touch the table the whole time. Only allow the bottom of the plate and glass to touch the table.

B) Ask the waiter or waitresss to wipe the table off. Typically this doesn’t work very well because they wipe it off and it remains sticky. There needs to be some decent elbow grease put into the action. Typically, there are oily fingers touching the tables before we sat down, and for that we need a mildly soapy wipe down.

C) At an informal establishment (which is usually where this problem occurs), I find it completely acceptable to spread out a napkin before you on the table. In fact, spread two or three napkins, that way you can have an area to place your arms and phone (considering you do not like to keep your phone in your pocket).

D) Spit shine it.

When I am at Whole Foods or a coffee shop, I usually find myself going with option C, depending on the severity and the type of establishment I will go with option B, and yes, I have gone with option A on occasion. I have never gone with option D, but I almost want to, sometime my friend, sometime.

And there you have it! Have you?

The most recent, and slightly funnier thing that my kids have been saying is, “really dad”, which is funny, but after they have been sprayed with the hose from the rooftop or given a wet willy, it is even more grand! I implore you to try it, and when your 2 year old says, “weally daad”, you will laugh till you pee a little. It’s so darn cute, and it is way better than calling anyone a bastard. As adults you don’t really realize that you overuse words everyday. Words like:

-Really
-Fail
-Epic Fail
-Inconceivable
-Like
-It’s Kind Of Funny
-Awkward
-That’s Random
-What

That was just to name a few, I mean, come on. Things are only as awkward as you make them, if you don’t get that, then you fail, epic fail. Really? I think it goes without saying, like for real. It’s kind of funny how inconceivable that is, that’s really random.

Check yo self before yo wreck yo self!