Don’t you hate going to the store and finding out that you picked the worst shopping cart in the store? It always seems to be the case every time I go shopping at the local Kroger or Wal-Mart. So here I am writing about it, venting my frustrations about every time I need to go shopping.

Every time I get these stupid carts, I feel like I’m competing in a demolition derby; instead of people running into everyone, I’m fighting to keep my cart from running into them. I find it nerve-racking rolling down the spaghetti sauce aisle knowing that the cart could take a sharp left or right, possibly running into the shelf knocking down the many bottles of Ragu spaghetti sauce all over the aisle.

Is it too much of a chore for the employees to spray WD-40 on the wheels so they would actually work? I guess getting paid minimum wage results in minimal work. I‚Äôm probably going to be asked, “why don‚Äôt you pick another cart?” Well, these stores I shop at, a majority of them have bad wheels; I just pick the one that isn‚Äôt as bad, but still, it‚Äôs bad enough. Luckily, Whole Foods and Trader Joe‚Äôs have the best shopping carts. I can‚Äôt recall getting a bad wheel when I shop there, but since the prices of the food are so high there, I‚Äôm resulted to shop at my local Kroger or Wal-Mart.

Luckily, I’ve been fortunate and haven’t done too much damage when I go shopping. The biggest problem I face are those people blocking the aisle and those annoying kids running around the store and popping up around the corner resulting in me fighting to keep the cart from running into them or the shelves. To those people that do this: ONE: move your cart to one side of the aisle, it’s common courtesy, and TWO: keep your kids from running around the store like wild banshees. Enough said. I made my point and I hope this helps. Maybe next time I’ll remember to write a comment note to Kroger and Wal-Mart and tell them to fix their stupid wheels on their shopping carts.

Here we are, about to embark on another exciting season of football. Below are my predictions of who will win their divisions and why:

AFC North:
Cincinnati Bengals РWhile they aren’t my favorite team, I’m really excited to see their new offensive weapons like: T.O., Jermaine Gresham, and Jordan Shipley. I can see them winning their division for the second straight year despite what some of the critics say about the Baltimore Ravens winning it.

AFC South:
Indianapolis Colts – All I only have two words to say about this team: Peyton Manning. Enough said.

AFC East:
New York Jets – No.1 defense last year with some new additions like Antonio Cromartie and Jason Taylor, these guys will dominate the AFC East. Sorry New England fans.

AFC West:
San Diego Chargers – This pick was a tough one because the Chargers lost Cromartie and LT to the Jets, but with Rivers still as QB they have the better offense in this division.

NFC North:
Minnesota Vikings – With Favre back and Adrian Peterson in the backfield, I expect the repeat of last season.

NFC South:
New Orleans Saints – Defending Super Bowl champs, and with Drew Brees as QB, expect them to dominate once again.

NFC East:
Dallas Cowboys – This pick was also a tough one since the Giants and the Redskins look pretty good this year, I predict that Dallas has too many weapons for the rest of division.

NFC West:
San Francisco 49ers – Since Mike Singletary took over as head coach this team has been on the comeback. Arizona’s days are numbered if Matt Leinart didn‚Äôt learn anything from Kurt Warner.

My predictions on the disappointing teams this season:

AFC North:
Cleveland Browns РWith Jake Delhomme and Colt McCoy on the team they still won’t make a difference in this tough division. Also, expect Pittsburgh to struggle without Ben Roethlisberger at QB for the first four to six weeks.

AFC South:
Jacksonville Jaguars – Terrible picks during the draft and lack of fan support, expect them to finish at the bottom of the barrel. I can see this team’s future becoming the Los Angles Jaguars.

AFC East:
Buffalo Bills – Who cares they got C.J. Spiller in the draft, this team is still one-dimensional and they passed on Jimmy Clausen in the second round. Expect them at the bottom of the divisional food chain.

AFC West:
Oakland Raiders – Main reason: Al Davis is still in charge. Who cares they have Jason Campbell at QB, they still suck.

NFC North:
Chicago Bears РI hate to say this about my favorite team, but they have the worst offensive line in the NFL. With a new offensive coordinator at the helm it still won’t fix this problem. Go figure, when Chicago gets a good QB (Jay Cutler) they can’t protect him. Only if they had him back during the Super Bowl instead of Rex (I can’t take a snap properly) Grossman.

NFC South:
Tampa Bay Buccaneers РI’m not too impressed with this team and it was also a toss-up with the Carolina Panthers, but the Panthers have a better offense than Tampa.

NFC East:
Philadelphia Eagles РThis pick was also a tough decision, but I’m going with my gut instinct on this one.

NFC West:
St. Louis Rams РDespite receiving the first pick in the draft, this team still has a few years to get better. Huh… this reminds me of the Detroit Lions.

Well, those are my predictions on who’s who and who’s not this year. I hope I’m wrong, at least when it comes to the Bears, but I’m sticking to my gut on this. If I offended you with any of these predictions go grab a tissue and let the fun begin. And oh, by the way, the New York Jets are going to win the Super Bowl.

Have a nice day.

Well, you aren’t really going by yourself, right? I mean, you’re going with friends. It’s not like you’re going by yourself to be abducted by a drug lord. You just happen to be the only person who isn’t traveling with their husband or boyfriend. Plus, 7 (3 couples plus your little sad self) is a lucky number so you’re just certain that this vacation will go off without a hitch. That would be a welcome piece of luck since every other vacation you’ve ever taken has had a fair amount of drama. Remember?

You missed a flight in New York and had to run across 4 lanes of a busy interstate with your luggage. In Japan your Japanese was crap and you couldn’t buy anything because you weren’t a size XXS. In Ohio there was poop on the wall of your hotel room and you ate a bug in a salad. In Illinois you shoveled horse stalls and inhaled a bucket of sawdust. So…Mexico has got to be better than all of this. What could possibly go wrong?

Day 1: As you are dropped off at your resort in Cabo, Mexico, you leave your purse and sunglasses on the seat of the taxi. After a few frantic phone calls and 3 hours later, the taxi driver brings it back to the hotel but demands you give him a large tip. Fine. At least you got your crap back.

Day 3: Get depressed because you’re single. On vacation. In Mexico. You have this huge room all to yourself and only cheap pillows to cuddle with. Even if you had no morals, there are no attractive single people at this resort to seduce…only young married couples and their kids. Cry for a bit, drink a coke, take a nap, and get over it.

Day 5: While walking the boardwalk after the gorgeous sunset cruise, follow behind your friends. They’re walking in pairs and there isn’t room for you to walk shoulder to shoulder with them. Enjoy the views of the marina and whatever you do, don’t make eye contact with the Mexican kids who swarm tourists. They can smell fear.

You’re almost around the corner when you’re flanked on either side by the wee wolves…the boy, about 5 is on your left, his sister, maybe 7, is on your right. Ignore their chirps to “buy my chicklet.” You don’t want any bracelets or candy. Keep walking. They sense you’re a hard sell, so they start punching you, first the little boy, then his sister. Now you’re walking through the marina getting punched on both sides by giggling Mexican kids and there’s nothing you can do. Finally get rescued by one of your friends. Wish you had a supersoaker watergun. Wish you had yelled at them and frightened them. Wish you had yanked them up and spanked them in public. Then think about how a Mexican prison would look like. Decide it’s best that you didn’t yank them up and spank them. Brats. Hope that the bruising to your arms (and ego) is minimal.

Last Day: Apart from the few crazy events that have happened, it’s been a nice trip and you’re relaxed and ready to head home. Your flight is at 7:30 so you have to check out of the hotel at 5:30. At 5:20 you are downstairs and no one is at the front desk. Ring the bell. Nothing. Debate whether you should just leave. Pace around. Find security. They call for the front desk guy who was sleeping on the job in the back room. Check out and have them call a taxi. When the taxi driver arrives, tell him you need to go to the airport. He doesn’t speak English.

Within 5 minutes you know you’re in trouble. The roads don’t look familiar…in fact, they’re dirt roads and he’s taking you through a village with shacks, dogs, and a few burned-out cars lining the streets. Prepare to die. 15 long minutes later he drops you off at the wrong airport and charges you 45 US dollars. That was all you had left. Find the one guy in the wrong airport who speaks English and explain what has happened and that you have no more money. He calls a taxi driver from the other airport to come get you.

Of course, that driver doesn’t speak English either. Situations explained, the new driver packs your luggage into his trunk and drives to a bank. As you walk up the stairs to the ATM hope he doesn’t drive off with your luggage. As you’re deep in thought, trip up the stairs, stub your toe, break your toenail in half, curse, and hobble the rest of the way to the ATM.

Money is exchanged and you’re now on the way to the right airport. You get there 15 minutes before your flight leaves and you still have to go through customs. The men at the front desk yell at you for being late. Then the customs guy takes his precious time looking over your paperwork. Board your flight with a few minutes to go. Hope your luggage makes it. As you sit in your seat, your toe starts throbbing. You probably broke it. But you made the flight.

As you touchdown in Nashville, vow to never take another vacation by yourself.

Truthfully, this should be a quick post. The answer is simply that you can’t. Under normal circumstances anyway. I suppose if you had a bi-level house or apartment and was able to lock them in the basement, muzzle their meows, and superglue mittens to their paws, you might have a chance. Sadly, I don’t have mittens. So, for those of us who are stuck for all eternity with cats, here are at least some ways you can try to minimize the daily trauma to yourself. The cats won’t care either way.¬†

First, give yourself a quick pep talk before you go to bed, right after you’ve set the alarm. Say to yourself, “I will sleep until 8 a.m. with no interruptions. Tomorrow is my day!” Briefly consider purchasing an air horn and/or kitty drugs if your pep talk doesn’t work.¬†

At 10 p.m., as usual, the cats will begin the nightly ritual of wresting right outside your door, complete with body slams, hissing, and yowling when one is playing unfair. You have only barely started to fall asleep at this point. Keep your eyes closed but mumble to yourself, “Damn cats.” When the wrestling continues for a full 3-5 minutes, which it will, sit up in bed and yell, “Knock it off!” Cats will appear startled and gallop into the next room. If they do not relent, use excessive force (squirting with water gun which is kept on the bedside table at all times, and in severe cases, jump out of bed, chase them around the house, back them into a corner and squirt water directly into their faces. If this happens, you will feel feel guilt by the time you are back in bed. Sucker.)

Between 11 p.m. and 2 a.m., the cats will occasionally chase each other past your door but like most nights, one or both will end up curled at the foot of your bed. Ah. Rest.

At 4:30 a.m. you will have to get up to pee because you have a bladder like your grandmother. Good job. In doing so, you will displace and awaken the cats. Make a mental note to buy Depends at the grocery store next week. 

At 6 a.m. you will awaken with the sense that you are being watched. Roll over to see one of your cats staring at you. He’s probably been sitting there, plotting your death for the past hour or so. Roll back over and pretend to sleep. At 6:30 on the dot, your cat watcher will begin the normal “Feed me” meows. Every 5-10 seconds, just out of reach of your fist, foot, or pillow. You will ignore him, unsuccessfully until 7 a.m. You have to pee again anyway, might as well put some dry food down so the bastard will shut up.¬†

As you walk back to bed, your other cat follows and begins her morning routine of jumping on the bed, walking across your pillow, and standing on your chest. Most mornings she tries to touch your face with her paw. This morning, she has her butthole pointed in your direction. Thanks. Flip her off your chest, turn over, and cover your head with your blanket. Remember what it was like before you had cats. Sigh. As you sigh, you inhale a cat hair. Cough. Curse. Grip blanket tighter over your head. A piece of your hair is sticking out of the blanket. Your cat tries to eat it.

At 7:30 just give up. Just. Give. Up. Why did you ever think you’d get to sleep in? Idiot. The cats have won again and as you rise out of bed defeated, they prance away with their tails held high. They follow you into the kitchen to grab the can of food. Then they rush past you and beat you to their food bowls. You open the can, plop the food in, and they just stare at it.¬†

In your next life, consider purchasing a single goldfish.  

In the event that your city experiences record-breaking rainfall with predictions of even worse rain fall tomorrow, there are some basic things you’ll need to have in place to ensure that this experience is productive and memorable. First, panic. In fact, don’t even think to check your basement until it’s been raining for 15 hours. Then check, realize you have 5 inches of standing water in your basement…millimeters away from taking out your heating unit. Then panic. Sure, when you moved in you were told there was a sump pump in the basement but you never bothered to see how it worked, much less see if it worked. Now as you wade through the freezing cold water, you locate it curled up in a corner, completely submerged. You have no idea how to use it.
 
Call your mother. Call your sister. Call your brother. Does anyone know how to use this damn thing? Wish you had bought that loft when you had the chance 4 years ago. Wish you had an ark. Wish you had waterproofed your basement. Walk back downstairs to stare in disbelief. Hope that there’s not a dead body floating or a muskrat swimming about. Your mother and neighbor come over to help. Nothing works.¬†Growl at your mother.
 
Text your personal trainer who lives nearby. Convince yourself it’s not awkward, texting your personal trainer at 9 pm¬†to help save your basement. He’s a guy. He has to know how these things work. It’s genetic. You’re in flip flops losing your mind and you’ve done over 500 sit-ups in the past month. He owes you. Wish you had a margarita and dark chocolate. He arrives, fixes the pump, and the water slowly starts to drain. Hope that your basement doesn’t cave in, mildew, or flood even worse tomorrow. If so, invest in a kayak and tequila.

When you‚Äôre a girl, and you have long hair, somewhere along the line, someone will probably say something to you about growing your hair out real long–to ten inches at least–to give it away to people who need it.

And on the surface, this will sound like a great idea. You have hair + someone needs hair = easy decision. Of course you should do it. But what you won’t know, and as someone midway through this process I feel it is my duty to tell you, is exactly what that will entail.

Things like:
1. Stray hair everywhere you go: your clothes, your friends’ clothes, your car, your friends’ cars, the bathroom, the kitchen, wrapped around a bottle of water, stuck inside a plastic bag of stuff you’re returning to the store, in a dishtowel, on your pillow, on your shoes, stuck underneath your tights, trapped in your bracelet, wrapped around an earring, inside your purse, inside your wallet, wrapped around your hand while you’re handing someone a pen or a marker or something that you just made them to eat.
2. Increased costs of everything hair-related, since more hair means more shampoo, more conditioner, more hairspray, more pomade, more bobby pins… more elastics that keep breaking beneath the amount of hair you want them to hold.
3. Less time to hang out with friends because you’ll be busy washing, blow-drying and styling your hair, which now takes like an hour itself, not counting all the other upkeep it requires, including but not limited to the cleanup of the aforementioned stray hairs you leave everywhere you go.
4. Headaches from the literal pounds of hair your head is carrying, putting strain on your neck and shoulders and back (although, bonus!, excitement over the way your weight is sure to drop when you finally get to cut it).

Because of all these things, as you can imagine, there will be days, even after months and months and months of patiently waiting for your hair to be long enough, where you will be tempted to head to the local salon and end it all. But hear me out: you shouldn’t. Not only (and most seriously) are you putting yourself through this delayed gratification for a higher purpose (remember how you’re giving it away?) but also, long hair has some pretty great advantages:

1. It’s versatile: Up, down, halfway up, ponytails, pigtails, braids, buns—they’re all at your fingertips.
2. It keeps you warm: Remember how Mom always told you to wear a hat in winter? Long hair = best hat ever because it never goes away, it coordinates with everything you wear and, hello, it’s 100% natural!
3. It makes a good cover: Looking for a place to hide when you run into that bad blind date? Just pull your personal curtain of hair around you and duck. It’s like a built-in disguise.
4. Long hair can bring you love. Remember Rapunzel?
5. And obviously, hello? Guys like it.

(names will remain anonymous)

1.) “I am going to drop a flying elbow on this day.”
2.) “COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE” – (buzz buzz buzz. And one of the best ice cream flavors ever made might be Coffee Coffee Buzz Buzz Buzz.)
3.) “Dear Cheaptickets.com why does your website say you over charged me by $1500 ?? Just curious.” – (“Maybe they combined your Hannah Montana and Disney Princess on Ice tickets together?” – some other person on Facebook)
4.) “Thankful, thankful, thankful. …and happy. and thankful.” – (You would think you would be more happy being so thankful and all.)
5.) “christmas music makes me jolly” – (As long as it doesn’t make you a green giant as well.)
6.) “oh hamburgers!” – (oh peaches!)
7.) “Today I spilled Cheerios all over the kitchen floor. I called my dog into the room to help me clean them up. We got away with it.” – (dude, I do that all time, sometimes I add milk too.)
8.) “Come on Denver.” – (The Broncos were playing the Squealers at the moment of this status post.)
9.) “i’ve got some openings today, five dollars off, come in.” – (Some services shouldn’t be offered on Facebook.)
10.) There is no #10 because the article is titled “What To Do About TODAY‚ÄôS TOP 9 FACEBOOK STATUSES 11/09/09″.

Become a fan of WhatToDoAbout.com on Facebook right here!

Please read.

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
“Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.”

After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed.

Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender:

MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.‚Ä®
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.‚Ä®
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.‚Ä®
6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.‚Ä®
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.‚Ä®
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.‚Ä®
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.‚Ä®
11. Enter PIN.‚Ä®
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.‚Ä®
13. Enter amount of cash required.‚Ä®
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.‚Ä®
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.‚Ä®
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.‚Ä®
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.‚Ä®
18. Re-check makeup.‚Ä®
19. Drive forward 2 feet.‚Ä®
20. Reverse back to cash machine.‚Ä®
21. Retrieve card.‚Ä®
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.‚Ä®
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.‚Ä®
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.‚Ä®
25. Redial person on cell phone.‚Ä®
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.‚Ä®
27. Release Parking Brake.

For twenty years Jeremy was a meteorologist with channel 5 news in Oklahoma City. He was a regular on the storm chasing team and documented several major tornadoes including two F5′s. He then worked for five years at NASA continuing to study weather and help to ensure safety in satellite and shuttle launches. Now, luckily for us, he has decided to settle down in Nashville, TN.

Now, you know us here at What To Do About like the weather. If you have ever read the WTDA Weekly then this is not news to you. The weather is always changing and is always good to talk about because it is always new. So what is the point of this article? Well, being that we like to know the forecast for the day, Jeremy has offered to provide us and our readers a daily forecast so that we can best know how to prepare for the day.

We will let you know the daily forecast as only we at WhatToDoAbout.com can. Most likely it will be via Twitter, so if you don’t follow WhatToDoAbout on twitter then you can do so here. The updates will also be posted on the website.

Now for a word from our main meteorologist:
“Hello What To Do About readers, it’s good to be with you. Between the guys at What To Do About and my wife constantly nagging, I figured I had better give the fans what they want and give me some peace and quiet.

As you already know, I have had quite the career but I have enjoyed it mainly because it keeps me out of the house. If it is not too much trouble, indulge this old man by reading my weather updates on What To Do About.com. Kind wishes, best regards to you… don’t let the door hit you on your college attending, ipod toting, twitter updating, emo pants wearing keister.” – Jeremy

“The weather is on tap and I am thirsty and it’s free!”

“The breeze was blowing, the sun was shining, and fair maidens were singing in the distance.”

“it’s raining cats and dogs right now. Well, not really… it’s raining water. Stupid cats and dogs.”