It’s back! Yes I know you missed reading my regular Top 10 Facebook Statuses post. Woot!

Todays best Facebook statuses currently being used by our friends (on Facebook that is) are listed below.

(names will remain anonymous)

1.) “Supporting Blink 182″ – (I think they get plenty of support already…unless you mean breast support of course.)
2.) “Just thought about something… If LeBron quit in the playoffs, why did they want to resign him at all!? – (Because it’s Cleveland.)
3.) “I’m really hoping we can make it through the night w/o sleep walking!” – (At least if you guys die you most likely won’t know it.)
4.) “De-cluttering my life before they make an episode of Hoarder’s about me! I will document the treasures I find! Let the entertainment begin..” – (If you find a big bag of money it’s mine…not sure how I lost that at your place but trust me, it’s mine.)

5.) “is thankful for supportive friends who do whatever it takes to help me stay grounded ” – (What you got against flying?)
6.) “these peaches from the Farmer’s Market are rockin’ my world right now!” – (Oh peaches!)
7.) “WOOT my friends, woot like you’ve never wooted before!!”
8.) “I loathe you NES for doubling my electric bill this month for no reason except that its july. Classy.” – (You played your Nintendo Entertainment System that much? dang.)

9.) “Oh sweet jesus. After going so long without tv, I’m suddenly angered by the stupidity of all commercials and 96% of programming. Was it always this dumb or did I just now notice?”
10.) “Spend more time in changing yourself and less time trying to change others.”

Become a fan of WhatToDoAbout.com on Facebook right here!

Woot!

My long term goal is to open my own dojo and teach other little fruit ninja hopefuls my secrets in slashing and splattering fruit. I will also be providing them with a nutritious fruity snack at the same time which is something their little bodies need anyways, parents will like that. Instead of having colored belts to show rank like in most martial arts, I will have fruity belts, for example the banana belt is for beginners, the berry belt is a level higher, the citrus belt is a level higher than that, followed by apples, island fruits, and then on to melons…you get the idea. I will teach my little fruit seeds (that’s what I will call my young students) how to slash to the point where they can achieve 2 fruit combos, 3 fruit combos, 4 fruit combos, and even the famous 5 fruit combo! Of course a 5 fruit combo of all melons and coconuts seems a bit far fetched but it is possible my friends. A fruit combo is achieved when more than 1 fruit is slashed and splattered with a single swipe. This takes the fruity pleasure to a whole new level of satisfaction.

Someday when I retire I will become ‘Master Nate the Fruit Sensei’. I hope to take my message of fruitiness to the masses and start a new refreshing movement of messiness. So if you’re stuck in a rut, or just frequently constipated, you’re welcome to follow me on to fruitier pastures!

To start your journey with me visit: www.fruitninja.com

*****

Tim: Mmm, this is better than I remember it. [eating ice cream]

Terry: That’s what she said.

*****

[thinking up ideas for wtdaNate (me) to write about.]

Terry: What To Do About THE WORLD CUP.

Terry: Who watches soccor??

Terry: Any help at all?

Nate: [shakes head]

Terry: He’s writing about crocheting.

Terry: You don’t know me at all Terry [high pitched voice...talking about himself].

*****

[lame music playing in the background]

Me: How’s that ice cream guys

Steve: Super good

Tim: delectable

Tim: I am very well convinced that most Americans do not eat enough saturated fats.

*****

Steve: I don’t have a whole lot of taste for art, I just think artists should be underpaid. [there just happens to be lots of bad art pieces hanging on the walls around us]

Steve: I think I should try and be an artist.

Tim: Maybe we should all try together.

Tim: Maybe we can make a masterpiece and sell it in a coffee shop for $400.

Tim: Drinks on me!

*****

[back to ice cream]

Terry: It’s not about the sweetness or how delectable it is, it’s about how I can’t stand to have something that’s not finished [talking about his pint of ice cream]

Tim: Scrape the top layer of freezer burn off and it’s fine.

Tim: I’m going to have about 250% of my daily recommended saturated fat intake.

Tim: What about you Steve.

Steve: I just had 120%

Steve: Now why would you use fair trade sugar AND regular sugar.

Tim: We want to help the fair trade people.

Steve: But not too much.

Tim: I really feel like I could make good ice cream. Like this quality but better ingredients. I really feel like I have it in me.

Steve: You wanna go global with this?

Tim: We are starting a raw milk ice cream business in California. Instead of Ben & Jerrys it’s going to be called Tim & Terrys.

Terry: I just don’t wanna be the one with the beard.

*****

That’s all I got kids. At least until the next time I act like I’m doing something but really writing down the conversation of my friends.

(names will remain anonymous)

1.) “I think I have a crush on my physician.” – (And she’s the only one with the cure.)
2.) “rare are the times you can ask “did you watch it” and everyone knows what you’re talking about.” – (I’m lost, what are you talking about?)
3.) “”I think I have poo stuck in my tummy, I need a doctor” – David Carter, age 4. We prayed and thankfully he felt better!” – (Sometimes all it takes is a little prayer and a push.)

4.) “gettin’ fancy!” – (Here’s your one chance Fancy, don’t let me down.)
5.) “We here at Princess Bride HQ are honored and humbled that we have reached over 500,000 fans on Facebook! We all make one hell of a Brute Squad together. Thank you!” – (We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.)

6.) “if you want to record with Vikings, and you know you do, you should message me. Get ready to have your village pillaged.” – (If Brett Favre is on the album I’m definitely buying it!)
7.) “The squeaky wheel gets the grease.” – (So does the dead chicken after he’s been cooked.)
8.) “My mom just beat up a shoplifter! You rock mom.” – (Maybe your mom rocks because she is The Rock?)
9.) “I just got the best text ever, “Cody is a sexy man beast!” Yeah, best text ever!” – (When did he tell you that?)
10.) “here’s my impression of LOST: “Hey, ooh look at me I’m LOST! Yeah, my ending sucks!”" – (And the ending to this article also sucks.)

Become a fan of WhatToDoAbout.com on Facebook right here!

(names will remain anonymous)

1.) “Dear lawn that I mowed on Friday…why do you look like I need to mow you again, already?!?!” – (Too much drinkin…hiccup.)
2.) “today has become one of the best days of the yr…” – (“Yesterday was one of the greatest days of my life. Mary and I went skiing, we made a snowman, she touched my leg…”)
3.) “is proud of our gospel choir who had a great performance this afternoon”

4.) “gets such satisfaction from crossing days off her calendar. TAKE THAT, time.” – (You are such a hoot.)
5.) “the answer is “yes”. – (I just hope the question wasn’t about your sexuality.)
6.) “Nevermind.” (Great album.)
7.) “What do you all think about these recent privacy concerns about Facebook?” – (We don’t think much about privacy when it comes to Facebook statuses.)
8.) Jambalaya!!!

9.) “I eat because I’m unhappy, and I’m unhappy because I eat!” – (If you’re a cannibal then you should stop eating altogether. Ain’t no one happy.)
10.) “Forgiveness is not an occasional act. It is a permanent attitude.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

Become a fan of WhatToDoAbout.com on Facebook right here!

(names will remain anonymous)

1.) “I outdid myself and tomorrow I hope to outdo myself, thereby I will outdo what I outdid!”) – (Then if the next day you outdo yourself again you will have outdone what you outdid twice!)
2.) “Gonna wright something funny so I can out do what Tim already out did…Or is it out doing?” – (You can’t out do Tim until you learn how to spell write rightly right? Signed: The Wright Brothers)
3.) “The lady’s got pipes.”- (Can I smoke em?)

4.) “my head hurts…” – (It doesn’t even care to think how you might feel?!)
5.) “Fema Fema bo Bema bananna fanna fo Fema…” – (Lots of people in Nashville singing this tune of late.)
6.) “Strep: it’s like childbirth for your throat.” – (And all the phlegm is like the placenta.)
7.) “Will someone give me this week’s winning lotto numbers, I’ll share the winnings!!” – (4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42)

8.) “Had a dream I won 20,000,000 dollars. Also, there was a robot powered by bomb-pops.” – (In my dream they would have been powered by paletas.)
9.) “The mountains are blue on my beer, they must be as cold as the Rockies!” – (That John Denver’s full of dookie-poo man.)
10.) http://www.wearenashville.org

Become a fan of WhatToDoAbout.com on Facebook right here!

Yesterdays best Facebook statuses that were used by our friends (on Facebook that is) are listed below.

(names will remain anonymous)

1.) “had some of the worst dreams of her life last night.” – (I hope tonight you have some of the best dreams of my life…maybe.)
2.) “Holy allergies, batman. I feel like I need to tuck silica gel packets into my eye sockets.” – (Good idea, if you want to look like this guy:

3.) “Disregard females. Acquire currency.” – (Not a bad thought, but I think it should be: Disregard females. Acquire currency. Then regard females that disregard currency!)
4.) “Fishing for textual goodies that will bust a gut or split a side. I may settle for ones that just tickle.” – (I’d prefer anything that will help keep my six-pack intact.)
5.) “My favorite time to fill up on gas is when there is cold sideways torrential downpour. WITH consistent lightning” – (Totally, sounds like picnic weather!)
6.) “Just saw hundreds of bats flying out of an industrial smokestack in downtown Nashville…epic!” – (I wonder if Batman hides there when he’s not in the Batman building downtown.)

7.) “I have to find $1,000 by friday. Any suggestions?” – (Just write them a couple IOU’s, they’re just as good as real money.)
8.) “I mean, I am a fan of the night. What do you know about that.” – (If you follow this blog you may know what to do about wondering around at night.)
9.) “Displaying proper elevator etiquette is the trickiest part of my morning.” – (But thanks to us, mens restroom etiquette no longer has to be a problem for you.)
10.) “I love it whn I actually go online to chck out whts happenin on Twitter & I get the msg: “Twitter is stressin out rite nw, try again later.”" – (Instead you should visit WhatToDoAbout.com to check out what’s happenin, we never stress out, in fact we are probably too laid back.)

Become a fan of WhatToDoAbout.com on Facebook right here!

(names will remain anonymous)

1.) “bets that in prison everyone’s relationship status is set to “it’s complicated”"
2.) “His ducks aren’t in a row. His ducks have drowned.” – (He could at least get all his dead ducks in a row.)
3.) “To err is human, to arr is pirate.”
4.) “Well I kicked my kid down the steps (on accident) now it’s time to kick an article out for wiggidy wiggidy www.whattodoabout.com” – (Hopefully when he grows up he doesn’t kick you down some steps (on purpose).)
5.) “I was going to put something witty here, then I forgot…” – (People seem to be forgetting this quite often today.)
6.) “Let‚Äôs bring home the bacon & ditch the antibiotics.” – (As long as the bacon wasn’t take from a pig with antibiotics in its system. Can you bring me some free range turkey bacon instead?)
7.) “What To Do About KILLING TANK IF HE DOESN’T STOP BARKING”

8.) “needs to stop playing on facebook and work on my wedding invitation design…” – (Gotta love her priorities, she can’t contain the excitement!)
9.) “Sorry to all our competitors cuz we’re bringing our A-game…” – (Sorry to 75% of our competitors cuz we’re consistently bringing our C+ game!)
10.) “is thankful to know that God provides. He is rarely early, but He is never late.”

Become a fan of WhatToDoAbout.com on Facebook right here!

(names will remain anonymous)

1.) “Would appreciate it if everyone would shoot straight with me. Even if it hurts.” – (If I shoot straight at you it’ll really hurt.)
2.) “had a fabulous senior session tonight!” – (Is that worse than a senior moment?)
3.) “Amazing shows so far. Heading to France in the morning! All I want right now is my mommy and a fatty burrito with a HUGE sweet tea” – (Some people just weren’t cut out for life on the road.)
4.) “But, but I’m disturbed! I’m depressed! I’m inadequate! I got it all!!”

5.) “can someone mail me a burrito please?” – (I’ll send it from Shipotle.)
6.) “Anyone going to the Dove Awards next week?” – (I am not a dove.)
7.) “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”
8.) “thanks to my hubby for cleaning the bathrooms tonight….and it only took 2 weeks of asking!!!” – (I imagine he’s been a bit lonely the past several nights, I wonder if he learned the hard way?)

9.) “Today: you are slower than molasses and I hate you.”
10.) “God always finishes what he starts……..so thankful for that ” – (Me too! Sometimes I start these Facebook statuses posts and don’t feel like finishing them, but I do.)

Become a fan of WhatToDoAbout.com on Facebook right here!

(names will remain anonymous)

1.) “visiting my happy place.” – (Find a happy place, find a happy place.)
2.) “Not watching Twilight with Charles and Travis right now or anything like that…” – (As someone else suggested, a gay button would come in handy here.)
3.) “someone googled my name yesterday. and it wasn’t me…” – (Everybody reading this search for Rebecca Cicione on google.)
4.) “I can see out and you can see in.” – (You in jail again?)
5.) “One my daffodils bloomed today!!!” – (Was that really facebook status worthy? I think not.)
6.) “Life needs more cupcakes. Make desserts, not war.”

7.) “gravity. Stay the hell away from me.” – (Been nice knowing ya.)
8.) “So apparently we cant take off because they are repairing the wing of our airplane. If I die, please know that I’m grateful for everything.”
9.) “Working on my writing skills for whattodoabout.com” – (There it is in writing folks.)
10.) “Get er done.” – (And we’re done here.)

Become a fan of WhatToDoAbout.com on Facebook right here!