What To Do About WUSSY FOOTBALL TEAM NAMES

7 Dec 2009 by Nathan Mallon, 16 Comments »

Have you ever wondered why some professional sports teams have selected certain animals or characters to represent their franchise? Especially with professional football teams…I mean what were they thinking in Cleveland when they decided to name their football team the Cleveland Browns? I mean, what is a Brown, other than a stinky biscuit someone flushes down the toilet? Or what about all the wimpy bird names that represent supposedly tough NFL teams like the Baltimore Ravens or Seattle Seahawks? And I’m not really intimidated when I think about being confronted by a 49er from San Francisco or a Packer of cheese from Green Bay.

Let’s get a little interactive and take a vote (leave your comments below) who would win a fight if the actual team’s characters went up against each other.

Who do you think would win:

A Cardinal versus a Giant?

cardinal1giantman32

My vote: I’ll take the Giant squashing the little red birdie.

A Falcon versus a Cowboy?

Peregrine Falconblack-mens-cowboy-costume

My vote: I think a Falcon could give a Cowboy some fits but I’ll go with the Cowboy in this showdown.

A Bear versus a Bengal?

bear-grandfather-mtn-tim-floyd-779608ew070511c

My vote: I think this could go either way and really depends on the size of the Bear or speed and fierceness of the Bengal, but if you have a full grown Bengal tiger foaming at the mouth, I’ll bet on its speed and bite over most Bears, although a full grown grizzly Bear would pose a good battle.

A 49er versus a Texan?

49erjpgcooper

My vote: Have you ever heard the phrase “don’t mess with Texas”? Yeah, I’ll take the Texan.

A Colt versus a Ram?

merlin_sc_trot_left_reo_colt_back4sjpgrocky-mtn-sheep-2

My vote: Easy, the Ram.

A Patriot versus a Buccaneer?

patriot-3038buccaneer_coat

My vote: I’m gonna go with my gut on this one, the Patriot probably has more firearms and training.

If I owned a professional football team I would choose a sweet name like the White Sharks, or Behemoths, or maybe the T-Rex’s.

great-white-shark-1

stf29_cliffrunnerbehemoth

bryce9-t-rex

Ah… Sports

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  • http://hootenannieparsons.blogspot.com hootenannie

    I would be an ogre, which, as Webster defines it, is “a hideous giant of fairy tales and folklore that FEEDS ON HUMAN BEINGS.” I do not know, however, how it would stack up against a behemoth.

  • http://www.whattodoabout.com wtdaterry

    Nate, your picks are pretty right on. How does one make perfection better? This as well as other questions flood my mind when I stand naked in front of a mirror and read your sporticles!

  • Shelbyville

    I'm so glad you brought up this subject, Nathan, and while we're on it, I would like to mention that I do not think that the different sports should be allowed to have teams with the same names. The Cardinals would be an example of this, it's just confusing. And lets be honest, a Cardinal is pretty much a colorful pigeon.

  • http://www.whattodoabout.com wtdanate

    yeah, an ogre, that's a good one…or maybe an orc, which is a” tough and warlike humanoid creature”. Those things are scary!

  • http://www.whattodoabout.com wtdanate

    I agree with you on this.

    Baseball teams have even wussier names, like the Red Sox, White Sox, etc. LAME.

  • http://hootenannieparsons.blogspot.com hootenannie

    Or… a balrog.

  • http://www.whattodoabout.com wtdanate

    “fly, you fools.”

  • lazarzaj

    Nothing says lame more than Yankees get that, right Nate!!

  • lazarzaj

    Of course you would disagree cause your a fan of the Yankees.

  • http://www.whattodoabout.com wtdanate

    They're like my 3rd favorite team… it's a better name then a pair of socks.

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