I just came back from vacation and we had a pact between us dudes. The agreement was we would grow out our mustaches and rock them all week. I had no idea the type of attention this joke would bring. I waited till the third day of my vacation to chop my beard down to a stache. The reaction from everyone was golden, there was laughter, people calling me dirty and all kinds of ruckus.

We went into town that night and by town I mean a quarter mile of trailers and a kroger. You would think the dirty mustache would fit right in… if so, you’d be wrong. It turns out that even the humble laid back country folk will judge a man by the hair he keeps on his lip. Aside from a couple of mullet sporting ladies most people wouldn’t even look at me. There was one lady at a rest stop that had to force her son to turn his head after he stared at me for a good 30 seconds.

After awhile you forget it’s there, I mean, I am on vacation and haven’t had a lot of mirror time. You just walk around and hear little kids say “daddy what’s on that guys face?” Or you greet a lady with a smile and she looks at you like you aren’t wearing any pants. I know mustaches are creepy but come on, mustaches are people too… Ur um yeah they are attached to people.

As soon as I got home I shaved it off and all was right with the world. My wife let me sit by her again and my sons called me dad and not hernando! Of course the stache had some upside, I had two cops wave at me like I was one of them and two fellahs asked for my autograph and walked away giggling like two school girls.

Other than that, if you want to scare children, not have friends, not be taken seriously, not date women, and most of all be considered dangerous, then by all means keep your cookie duster. Just know that you will be made fun of and you deserve it!

Did I mention that the other guys could barely grow one? Or if they did you couldn’t see it (mark). But they are better off I guess, even though those state troopers were nice guys, close talkers, but nice guys nonetheless.