I live near a theater but I never go to it. The theater is really big and has a million neon lights all around it. The building looks pretty cool from the interstate as it lights up the entire night sky. I have been to this movie theater twice in the nearly 2 years I have lived here in Nashville. Once was to see a really bad movie that I am to embarrassed to mention, the other time was to see some Jim Carrey flick about being in an eternal sunshine. or something. This theater has been pegged as “ghetto” by my friends, I on the other hand don’t seem to mind at all. The place is well guarded… I think on any one night you can find anywhere between 5 to 10 armed rent-a-cops! I have never seen anything go down and I don’t really understand why it has assumed this label.

The movies there are much like the movies we see at the uppity movie theater at the other end of town, wait a second… they are exactly the same! The movie theater on the other side of town in the “uppity, I am to good for you because I drive a bimmer” neighborhood is 10 minutes further and doesn’t have the neon lights and security guards. So I guess it’s not “ghetto”, but why not? Well herein lies the reason for this article, what does a ghetto theatre have that any other theater does not?

Lets make a list, and yes… check it twice! Ghetto theater amenities:

1. Movies (check)
2. Clean restrooms (I remember when this was all it took for an establishment to be considered great, those were the days)
3. Sticky floors (just like every movie theater and ball park ever built)
4. Arcade ( Any self respecting theater owner can get with this)
5. Heaping Mound of Popcorn ( nothing says entertainment like butter on your pants and salt burning your lips)
6. Over priced tickets ( seriously $8 for one movie?)
7. Plenty of parking ( Ok there is more at the other movie theater but I hardly think this counts)
8. Ten minutes closer to my house ( Oh this counts because it counts)

So there you go, a list of things that the “ghetto” theater has. Now, don’t you want to go see a movie there? I know I do, as a matter of fact I think I will this weekend. But if something happens to me, really… say goodbye to my family for me. Ghetto! Ha! I didn’t see any spinners in the parking lot, there wasn’t any ammunition for sale at the concession stand, there weren’t any “friendly females” waiting by my car offering to take me for a ride. There was only pure un-adulterated entertainment! And did I mention that it’s really close?