*This article was written by our good friend Andrew Lazarz
A lot of people ask me why I sleep on my couch and not my bed. The bed might be in a more private location and in a more inviting format, but nothing says cool like the couch. Anyway, most people sleep in beds, but these people live life in a normal state of mind. You know like they get up at dawn and go to sleep at dusk, I have no time for these rules I have reruns of Seinfeld to watch. I don’t own a bed, I own a futon mat and it’s pretty comfortable but I prefer the cosyness of my couch.
I’ve slept on the same couch for five years so it’s hard to stop sleeping on it. Then again people ask me, “do you wake up in the morning with dirty pennies stuck to your face?” I think I can remember a time or two that it has happened… but hey a penny saved is a penny earned. Still, who can’t enjoy a nap on a cozy couch? So what is the big deal with sleeping on one? I don’t have to make my bed when I get up I just fold my blanket and put away my pillow and there I saved five minutes. Those five minutes I saved is five more minutes of sleep I earned.
I think people are just jealous of my utter disregard for their silly sleeping rules. Next thing you know they will be trying to tell me that eating breakfast while I am on the john is gross and distasteful. I say, Blah! I am king of my castle and master of my domain. I do what I want… till my roomate finds cheerios in the toilet.
So if you have a problem with my sleeping on the couch get in line, I will get to all the complaints at half past noon on a good day. Now I have to go, “Rescue Me” just came on and I must de-pant myself and grab a beer.