What To Do About GETTING SOME ACTION IN THE BREAD AISLE AT WHOLE FOODS

By Terry Barga | 20. May 2009 | Comments

No, no, this didn’t happen to me and if it did I am not the type of fellah that would kiss and tell… ok yeah I would! Here is how it went down, we were enjoying ourselves as we prepared for a very intense wtda meeting at one of our favorite places, Whole Foods. I was wandering through the store heading to the kombucha, and that is when I saw a couple literally attached at the hip. And no, it was not romantic or cute, it almost changed my appetite all together. They were seriously close to kissing, and with their hands… well, not on a loaf of bread, I am sure they were thinking about bread though. I know when I see bread I get all crazy in love too, but I end up just cuddling with the warm whole wheat all night long.

It was when I looked at them that they noticed me looking at them and I think this made it that much worse… because they started to make out, and, well, I threw up a little bit in my mouth. They whispered something into each others ear and then left with a smile that said the “bread” is hot and ready for consumption.

I may be wrong here and if you talk to my wife I often am, but I think PDA should be left a Private Display of Affection and not so public. Girls on the other hand want to be touched even if it means doing it in public, seriously I think it is uncalled for. I think PDA should be addressed and you should be able to walk by and say “get a room” or “put it away” or even “quit it, you are scaring the children”.

There is nothing hot, sexy, or even cute about touching in public no matter who it is, young, or old. Women please tell me why you need so much bloody touching all the time? Guys don’t, we would be happy with a little bit of touching at the right times, not a lot of touching all the time. I believe the term is called smothering and the only thing I like to be smothered is my chicken and no not that “chicken” but real bonafide chicken. Covered with a smooth mushroom sauce and a little bit of garlic salt, oh wait…! This is what happens when you talk about romance, we guys immediately relate it to food. Oh well, somethings or a lot of things are better than talking about all this lovey dovey crap and food is just one of them.

I am out!