I have a cat… yes, only one. It seems that all my animals keep dying off, which is a problem that I am O.K. with. I mean as long as it’s not kids or friends dying off then I will manage. Pets aren’t really good for much anyway, I mean, I like the cat but I really don’t need the cat to survive, wait a second… strike that. If there was a nuclear attack and somehow I survived in my basement with the cat then it would be a useful pet.

Well, other than sleeping on my computer or always cleaning the plates after dinner the cat pretty much doesn’t do anything. Even though it is really lazy, it does manage to make all kinds of noise at about 3-6 in the A.M. For that alone I could kill it! I have also found that the cat is pretty good at using the kitty litter but horrible about not making a mess with the kitty litter.

For example, the cat will stroll up to the box, sniff around for a clean spot, then slowly rake back a section of litter as she places herself ever so delicately over the hole and then sweet release. It seems that you can see the pure pleasure in the cats face as it does its business, that is until its done. This moment must be when the cat gets a burst of energy. My cat dismounts rather rapidly and then furiously covers the wetness almost like she will win a prize for making the kitty litter look like a bomb hit it. There is litter flying everywhere, then, like Napolean Dynamite after his monumental dance at the end of the movie, the cat bolts back to the living room. As if there is a litter fairy that will come and give a shiny quarter for her hardened clump of cat “joy” but she needs to be out of site to see this magical mystery character.

All the while I am thinking in expletives nearly letting out a word I think I would regret saying in front of the kids. There is now a 2 foot radius around the box of litter like a freaking bomb went off. I don’t get it, the cat is not large and the box isn’t that small, what’s the deal?

Now I know there are cat lovers out there that read this site. I know I have read your comments on What To Do About CATS from Schuylar Croom. Well, to you I say, please help me before I make kitty kabobs for dinner tonight, I like new flavors and I am sure cat would be no exception.

Save the cats from themselves by helping me figure out what to do about the kitty litter!