Yeah, you guessed it, this article came about after a near death experience with a Little Tykes dump truck left out by my kids. I was up for one of my many late night urination sessions or was it because I needed a midnight cookie? I don’t really remember but this I can say, when your wife makes the most amazing cookies in the world you will want to get up and have one just like me. I am not an addict, I can stop whenever I want.
So here I am, or there I was, wandering through the house rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, and if you are wondering what the “sleep” is that is in your eyes, it’s a mix of dried tears and lint from your pillow, just a guess.¬†Moving on, I was moving through the house looking for some light from somewhere and then I stepped on a truck or car, who really knows? Either way I went down and the car went into the cat who just so happened to be sleeping under the table at the time. The cat made a really loud screeching sound and then took off into the night, all while I am nursing a bruised butt and foot. The cat in turn knocks something else over while it heads up the stairs… I think it was a small plastic ball. Whatever it was, it was very loud as it came slowly down the stairs.
All of this happened very fast, and the noise was over before you knew what hit you, but just as I got up to finish my mission of satisfying my late night hunger I heard it. A baby whining in the dark, just then my wife comes out of the bedroom and gives me the look… you know the one that will melt your face off whether there are lights on or not. I tried to look away but she had me like a tractor beam. She then says “what did you do?” I then replied “I slipped” she rolled her head back and went up to calm the now crying baby.
Off I went to enjoy my cookie, I mean she did all that work to make them and she is an amazing cook, and after the cookie and a glass of milk I hit the john and then slipped back into bed. This is about the time my wife comes down the stairs, I quickly close my eyes as to avoid any conversation… BAM! That’s when she hit me with a pillow and said “good night”. I leaned over and kissed her forehead and said with a whimper in my voice “I love you”. She then rolls to the other side placing her ice cold feet on my back, I took it like a man and said nothing.
Moral of the story: make your kids pick up their stupid toys, then let your eyes adjust to the light, walk softly and you will reach your goal unharmed by woman or animal. If that doesn’t work then you should slip a cookie and a glass of milk in the night stand drawer, it has worked before but can be a little messy.
Man that was a great cookie!