What To Do About MOWING THE LAWN

2008 August 1
by Terry Barga

A reactionary piece that inspires reminiscent thoughts of time past, wouldn’t you join me for a trip down memory lane?… As we find something from the past to give us a little pick me up.

So yeah, I used to cut grass for a living. You should know that by now but I will pretend you are new and don’t know what’s going on. I used to cut grass for a living some years back and I loved cutting grass. I took my job very seriously. Every stripe in the lawn was a little bit of heaven, I loved nothing more than to go by one of my creations when I finished… just to take it in. I pride myself on a straight stripe a perfect 3 point turn on a wet hill conquering any landscape with ease and ah.

I kept my home lawn in tip top condition even watering it nightly to keep it growing so I could mow it twice a week. Pride in the green is what brought neighbors from my block to see my yard. It was very fulfilling. I loved both my old yard and the machines I used to use at my old job. Now I am afraid things are different because I rent my house and have one very poorly taken care of lawn. This aggravates me to no end, my stripes will not stick and the weeds are hideous. Horrible terrain too. I really don’t like mowing it. Oh how I long for the grass of the past, where I could find hours of fun just creating a pattern. Why did I leave? Well because I like to create… and not so much in the grass either.


Well, that’s enough about me and my desire for the perfect lawn, we should discuss your failing grade on your lawn. Here are some tips as to how and make it better.

1) Stop going around and around till you are left in the middle of the yard with huge piles of grass to either side.

2) Stop drinking and mowing! I know it feels cool, but your friends are secretly laughing at you and your yard.

3) Make a good pattern, outline your yard twice and then start striping it back and forth. Never pull your mower. That looks dumb and any self respecting male will do it right.

4) Raise your deck and stop scalping your yard it looks like you let indians cut it, you will have to cut it again in a week anyway.

5) Lastly, mow your grass.

I hope this has been helpful. So get out there and keep America beautiful.

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  • You used to cut grass for a living?
  • stevenleopold
    Dude, the only thing worse than cutting grass for a living is cutting grass for a living with a boss like you. And no I don't miss those times. My Gatorade all in the pool and what not. YOU SUCK!!
  • you suck!
  • some people just can't let go of the past.
  • Loyd Bramen
    You shouldn't use those gas powered machines. There are plenty of mechanical push cutters out there now days, and you shouldn't be encouraging people to throw that much carbon in our wonderful atmosphere. Sometimes we forget about the precious animals that have to breath this air too.
  • oh please...
  • Animals you should have seen the guys I worked with!
  • yeah how about...

    "The methane produced by the manure of a typical 1,330-pound cow translates into about five tons of CO2 per year. That is about the same amount generated annually by a typical U.S. car, one getting 20 miles per gallon and traveling 12,000 miles per year. "
  • Given the size & number of lawns that they mowed this would be impossible, plus I can't imagine Terry's boss allowing only push cutters to be used, plus this is just...well never mind.
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