What To Do About DEADLINES

What’s life without a few deadlines? Nothing but relaxation, that’s what! I could go my whole life without hearing “your deadline is…” and be just fine. I actually operate much better when I’m free to do the task whenever I want, even if the task was designed by me and I put the deadline on it.

If there’s a deadline, it will almost always be late. It seems to attract lateness like a moth to the flame. So how do we beat these deadlines? I don’t know your answer, but I will give you my list.

Stamp it. Add said deadline.
Prioritize it. Put it in it’s place.
Double stamp it. Move said deadline.
Do it. Actually look at the task and give it a title.
Triple stamp it. Move deadline back a day.
Finish it. Submit project for spell checking.
Triple stamp a double stamp. You can’t triple stamp a double stamp!
Complete it. Turn in and hope for the best!

I hope this list helps you, I put it to the test at least once a week. If you find yourself not finishing the list, then you may want to write the article “what to do about procrastination”. As I always say, “when in doubt, blog it out!”

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Strangely enough, it seems like we have talked about squirrels several times–like in WTDA Squirrels In The Trash Can or Being A Squirrel And Finding A Nut. I would like to start by saying, I love squirrels. I love their furry tails, I love the way they run on electrical wires, and I especially love watching them jump from tree to tree. What I don’t love, (i.e. hate) about squirrels is when they are cornered–they like to go for the nuts. I hate that they like to torment my cats by running on my trash cans at night, causing the cats to jump at the window making all kinds of noise. I also hate how they sit above my front porch eating said nuts dropping pooh and nut casings all over my yard.

You would think that there would be a trade off here with the cute and fuzzy to the loud and messy. There isn’t. I would much rather watch them run and frolic carelessly in my neighbor’s yard–as a matter of fact, I think that would be great and a good way to waste an hour of my morning. I digress.

What I want to do with those squirrels I can’t because of the hate mail I would receive, and then there are the neighbors always talking about the “gun laws”. I will tell you you exactly what I want to do with my little furry foe. I will tell you by first telling you about my uncle, trust me it will make sense in the end.

My uncle on my dad’s side, I can’t specify because there are seven, but I will tell you he is older than my dad and cleans his gun at the dinner table during dinner. One day when I was 12 my dad asked me if I wanted to go with him up to my uncle’s place. I said, “sure”, I didn’t really remember this uncle because there are seven, but I didn’t want to hang out at home because I have sisters.

So we get there in a little city called Covington, OH, where they have 5 bars and 2 stop lights. My uncle comes out of the garage and we joined him to go up to the house when he stopped dead in his tracks. He turned to my dad and said, “do you hear that?” My dad said, “what?” “Those damn squirrels are over there by my house again.” He proceeded to tell us that they had chewed their way into his house and made a giant nest where they had babies and they peed all over the attic till it soaked though the ceiling and down the wall. My dad was surprised to see my uncle return very quickly from the garage with a 12-gauge shot gun. He pulled two shells out of his pocket and my dad said to me, “son, cover your ears”. Then all of the sudden BOOM BOOM! Two toasty squirrels fell out of the tree and landed in the neighbor’s yard. Then I heard the neighbor say, “great shot, I will put these on the grill for you”.

So there you have it, this is the reason why I want to blast anything that doesn’t talk off of my property. It was the coolest thing that I have ever seen, and that is why my dad has never taken me back there. So what am I going to do? Well, due to the graphic nature of the solution, I cannot tell you, but I will tell you that when I find a “system” that works, you will be the first to know.

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What To Do About WELPING

Today we are going to briefly talk about welping, that is, using the word welp. I want to make sure you understand that we are not talking about whelping (giving birth) or whelp (a cub, puppy, young boy, or other young mammalian). We are talking about the urban slang: welp.

Welp is a flagrant corruption of the word well. The puh sound added to the end of welp enhances the conspicuousness and finality of the meaning. I am not sure how I feel about that.

Typically, welp might be said when one feels as if there is nothing else to say regarding a matter or circumstance, or that one is resigned. However, it may also be used, as I often do, when one is about to list one’s options. An example for the former would be, “Welp, see ya later!” or “Welp, that’s all there is to say.” An example for the latter would be, “Welp, we could go out to eat, go shopping, or go jump off a cliff?” or “Welp, there is a lot of confidence instilled when you take a stand in life and live with freedom, freedom to do what is right, not to do whatever one wants or desires.”

Those who only see it as a negative thing, tend that way in life. They disparage, and thus they feel disparaged themselves. Welp, as with other variations of established words, should be said with lightheartedness, not darkheartedness. That really is the key in writing and thinking about, what to do about welping: promoting the goodwill and common understanding of the usage.

I am not, by any means, advocating that everyone take up the usage of the word welp in greater frequency. In fact, I am very comfortable with people not ever using it. It is not to be used in such a way that would be to the abandonment of its highly esteemed parent: well. Welp, that is all. May you be blessed.

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*This article was written by our good friend Andrew Lazarz

It’s that time of the year again!! The Super Bowl has been played and another team has claimed the Lombardi Trophy. For us football fans it’s a time for mourning. Unless you’re a Green Bay fan!! Now comes the long wait till the NFL Draft in April, and in our hopes our favorite team makes the best picks in the Draft. But I won’t expound on the Draft till April. Let me take a look at this season in retrospect.

Teams that impressed me the most:

2010-2011 Super Bowl Champs, the Green Bay Packers: Here’s a team that overcame so much adversity with injuries and still managed to win the Super Bowl. Aaron Rogers proved that he was the right choice as the starting QB back in 2008.
The Pittsburgh Steelers: Despite Big Ben being suspended and Santonio Holmes being traded to the Jets they still managed to frustrate opposing offenses and defenses. Except for the Green Bay Packers!!!
The New England Patriots: 2010-2011 MVP QB Tom Brady with another stellar season. It’s too bad Belichick gambled on benching WR Wes Welker during the playoff matchup with the Jets.
The St. Louis Rams: Despite a rookie QB, they came so close to going to the playoffs, but I have my eye on this team for next season.
The Seattle Seahawks: For having the worst regular season record for a division champion they still managed to beat the New Orleans Saints. Again, I have my eye on this team next season.
The Atlanta Falcons: With an impressive 13-3 record in the regular season, this team has what it takes to be a threat next season.
The Kansas City Chiefs: From being a joke last season to AFC West Champs is all I can say about this team.
The Jacksonville Jaguars: Despite losing the last few games during the regular season, they came close to winning the division.
The New York Jets: If you read my 2010-2011 Predictions I predicted that the Jets would’ve won the Super Bowl. However, don‚Äôt hold your breath for next season as 17 of their starters are up for free agency in this coming off-season.
The Philadelphia Eagles: MICHAEL VICK!!!!! Enough said.
Finally the Chicago Bears: I thought these guys were bottom of the barrel but somehow they managed first place. Peppers was a beast, but I still wasn’t impressed with Jay Cutler.

Teams that just sucked:

The San Francisco 49ers: I thought these guys were the NFC West division winners at the beginning of the season. Boy was I wrong!! Singletary was short-changed as head coach.
The Tennessee Titans: Chris Johnson had a disappointing season, Vince Young was terrible and Jeff Fisher is about to collect unemployment. In other words, a big fail for my hometown team.
The Cincinnati Bengals: I don‚Äôt know what was up with these guys? They had the best team in my opinion. Two of the best deep threats in the game, a killer rookie Tight End, and a Wes Welker type slot receiver. This team’s future looks bleak for next season since Carlson Palmer wants out. Sorry Tim and Terry.
The Indianapolis Colts: I bet you’re wondering why they are on this list, but with costly injuries and one of the worst seasons from Peyton Manning, I decided to add them.
The Minneapolis Vikings: In simple words “PLEASE FAVRE RETIRE ALREADY!!!”
The Arizona Cardinals: Like I predicted Matt Leinart was a bust after Warner retired and they had to rely on Derek Anderson. I just hope he takes next season more seriously if he is still up for the job.
And finally the Dallas Cowboys: Of all the teams that imploded this season, the Cowboys win it by a landslide. Sure Tony Romo was injured for half the season, but it still doesn’t hide the fact that they played like a bunch of individuals and not as a team.

I know I didn’t mention every team, but I knew that some of those teams I failed to mention played to my expectation. If you read this and are offended please don’t be, this is just my opinion. I would like to say pleasing things about every team but that would take the fun out of it. But if there’s one thing we all can agree on, it’s the long wait till August when preseason starts and we begin that time to pick our winning or losing fantasy football teams. (Sorry, Terry, better luck next year.) But hey, the Daytona 500 is a few weeks away and March Madness is around the corner.

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What To Do About Life With Slogans

Have you ever wondered what to do about a life full of slogans? I know I have! I have often thought of life with slogans for everything. What do I mean by everything? Well if you keep your shirt on, I’ll tell you.

Slogans are interesting, as a matter of fact, the very word slogan is interesting. I mean who came up with this name and why does it sound like someone just got drunk and made it up. I mean slogan, really?? It sounds a lot like slur, or slow. The other words that start with the letters S and L aren’t that impressive, allusive maybe, but impressive definitely not! Allusive only because I can’t think of any other words that start with S and L right off the top of my head…

Moving on.

What if the word slogan had a slogan, what would it be? That’s like the question, if a tree falls in a forest when no one is around does it make a sound? Which is a yes, I think. If slogan had a slogan it would be, Slogan-The word that sums up the world. So in a world full of slogans I wonder what it would sound like if you had to say every slogan all the time…

Earlier today (today is the day dreams are made of) I was playing (because millions of people across the world love to play) words with friends (the word game that makes you seem smarter than you really are) and a thought (thinking – everyone’s doing it) crossed my mind that the world (the place where people come home to) is a scary place. When I sit (because standing is for losers) here and ponder (ponder is like wonder only more eloquent) my life (everything else is just death) I feel like I spend (spending – it makes saving look like a fat man with a donut) too much time (the other white meat (just wanted to see if you were still following)) playing games (games – why wouldn’t you?). That thought (just another thing you can do with your brain) entered my head (head or tails you can’t see without it) I was struck (like being hit but with vigor) with an idea (ideas are like storms of the mind), why not go for a run (running says, “I may not know how to exercise, but at least I’m doing something”). While on my run, I let my mind get carried (carrying is for the birds, get carried today!) away, I then decided that we should build (building is what men do when they are bored…) a tree house (houses are the new black).

This is just the tip of the iceberg, just imagine a world where slogans are used to describe every person in a few short letters… wait, isn’t that what facebook is doing? Crap… new idea!

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