You are walking. It is cold outside. The sub-zero temperatures make you bury your face beneath your scarf such that the scarf is wet with the moisture of your breath. At least your breath smells good.

Most evenings you wander about South Minneapolis taking in the sights and sounds. You think, “not all who wander are lost”, which is true in your situation since you have a plan to your wandering, and therefore it is not really wandering at all. Tetall.

Your experience of walking in the cold, the snow crunching under your feet, is an experience that is intended to help you experience. Experience what? Ah, life. You experience life in new ways and life through new eyes. Of course, the experience of life that comes from your experience of walking, also continues to manifest itself after the actual experience itself, as well as, being related in different forms such as thought, speech, and writing. So, in this manner, the experience becomes many experiences.

However, I would not be so foolish to think that all things in life would be worth experiencing for the sake of experiencing them and thereby seeing life in new ways and through new eyes. Right? That would be stupid. Right?

Since we cannot un-experience our experiences, there are some truly damaging experiences that, despite the ability to see life in a new light, the new light may actually be a darkness. I hope you are with me, because this all makes complete sense.

I am getting kind of sidetracked, I mean, you are getting sidetracked. We were talking about you, and your wandering at night. Part of the point is getting sidetracked, is it not? Being available to be sidetracked is part of the plan, although, getting sidetracked is not always a good thing either. It takes some discernment to know when it is appropriate to be sidetracked. Wisdom, wisdom too, it goes hand in hand with discernment. They like to hold hands when they are walking and wandering around town.

So that my dear friends is what you should do, wander with wisdom and discernment, and possibly, maybe, thereby not wander at all. And who knows, maybe you would like a good laugh while reading about someone who is walking downhill both ways in South Minneapolis. Not quite the type of laughs that you will get from reading Terry’s textual gold in Crying Women, Spicy Food, Buying Feminine Products, Cutting Down A Tree, A New Car, or Men’s Restroom Etiquitte… but still.

What an experience!

Have you ever had that friend or family member who just gets all upset about other drivers? Well, I have both a friend and family member that are both very angry drivers. Both will remain nameless as to avoid outright akwardness in my future rides with them. Although we are keeping this anonymous, I am afraid that I will describe them in such a way that they will know who they are…

The friend – drives like someone punched him in the balls for no reason whatsoever. He is always flailing his arms and screaming profanities that are often uncalled for. Not to mention they are down right embarrassing! I am not one that cares too much for what other people think of me, that is of course so long as I am being myself. Yelling at other drivers that are abiding by the laws, but are maybe a little too cautious, is a little bit too much. Which I believe it to be more effort to curse and carry on than to just go around. This effort is something that is practiced so it would not be what comes naturally. It’s a bad habit.

So, if you are pissed when someone takes an extra second to turn the corner, maybe you should inquire as to why this is. Maybe you need a hug? Or maybe you just need a swift kick in the pants? Or maybe you just need me to tell you that it’s not cool, and you are not cool when you do it. So hey! It’s not cool, so stop dong it!

The family member – has spent one too many days behind the wheel of a big rig. This family member calls cars “four wheelers” which is nearly another article itself! He talks to cars like they can hear him… they can’t. But rest assured, if they could, they would tell him to shut up. It may be true that none of the four wheelers out there care about the big rigs, but don’t take it personally. And for crying out loud! Stop gettng mad at them for your 6 lane right-hand turns!

In summary, I personally think that dealing with crazy, lazy, extra safe drivers can actually make you a better driver. This will only happen if you will first stop yelling, gesturing, flailing, honking, headlight flashing and just being outright outraged. You too can be a more aware, more aggressive driver! Why is this important? Because you will have more friends, your wife won’t tell you how to drive, you will become a nice guy, and gosh darnit you just may be something someday!

Todays best Facebook statuses currently being used by our friends (on Facebook that is) are listed below.

(names will remain anonymous)

1.) “seriously. Lost tonight. I have tears.” – (You should have just called someone and asked for directions???)
2.) “Going to see P.O.S. tonight at Bowery, set at 1030 – anyone in NYC come out!” – (Why go there when I can show ya a P.O.S. in my toilet.)
3.) “Matchbox 20 is the McDonald’s of music. Not a bad snack once a month, but a steady diet of it will make you sick to your stomach.”

4.) “You think people will still be using napkins in the year two-thousand?” – (I guess we really haven’t advanced all that much.)
5.) “Ben Roethlisberger finally broke. The only player left on the Steelers team, that wasn’t a thug…. Now he is the biggest chump of all. They are the NFL’s version of the prison team on the longest yard.” – (Now everyone can stop calling my Bengals a bunch of thugs, it’s no surprise that the Squeelers have more hoodlums.)
6.) “will always remain grounded.” – (Afraid to fly?)
7.) “Im about to get #LOST” – (Then stop where you are and ask for directions! Sheesh, come on people!)
8.) “Please copy and paste this to your status if you know someone, or have been affected by someone, who needs a punch in the face. People who need a punch in the face affect the lives of many. There is still no known cure for someone who needs a punch in the face, except a punch in the face, but we can raise awareness!” – (We thought we would do our part in spreading the word.)

9.) “is going somewhere slowly – instead of going nowhere fast.” – (And if you’re on this website the ride just got a bit slower.)
10.) “God’s grace is sufficient for me…and everybody!” – (True that!)”

Become a fan of WhatToDoAbout.com on Facebook right here!

You know how we here at WTDA sometimes use this blog for mindless venting? No?… Well we do! It’s time you know. I recently purchased a car and I did this on blind faith and a plan. My plan was to call about a car that I was interested in, back in my home state of Ohio, and then see if my father-in-law could go look at it. If he could look at it, then maybe he could negotiate the deal for me, or at the very least tell me straight up what he thought about the car. The good news is, he did, and then said it was a great car. I soon called the owner and made him an offer he could not refuse… he refused it. So I counter offered, accepted!

The deal was done, except for the fact that it was still in Ohio, while I was busy down here in Nashville working 12 hour days. I thought I had solved the problem by having my parent drive it down two weeks later, but the day of the “pick up” they got snow. A lot of snow… 18″ of snow! This would have been no problem if they would have left on time, but oh no, they were running late, as I suppose you do when you are old. By the time they were ready to go the snow was up to an inch on the road, just an inch you ask? Yes, an inch. This wouldn’t have been a problem for any other Ohio driver, but my parents, or primarily my mother is afraid to drive on snow, rain. gravel, highways, mountain roads, hilly roads, or any road with the name dead in it.

I remember when my mother and I would drive into thunderstorms to look for tornados, and now she is afraid of rain and snow?? Whatever, I suppose it goes with the turning 50 thing. There was a solution for this problem! The problem being that I needed the car ASAP, and the solution being a shiny plain ticket.

I hopped a plane to Columbus, where all my friends were to busy to pick me up, and I had to have my mom and dad come and get me. They picked me up and quickly informed me that we weren’t going straight home… fine I guess one or two stops wouldn’t hurt… I mean it was only 6 pm. The night was young, so I thought. We slowly made our way back to Dayton after about an hour and 45 minutes of mom telling dad when to signal, when to accelerate, when to brake, and when to speak! After I had my fun telling her that maybe she should drive, we stopped for a burrito. This is when they told me that we had to pick up my sister… it’s now 8 p.m., and she doesn’t get off till 8:45. This whole ordeal is starting to get annoying.

We make our way over to my sister’s work at about 25 MPH, the roads were icy and there was 18″ inches of snow. Well, it looked more like a foot, but I didn’t have a tape measure. After picking up my sister we found ourselves heading home and it is now about 9 p.m. We pull in front of the house, after driving the back roads for 40 minutes, only to stop in front of the house for my mom to say… “let’s show Terry where his sister got stuck last night”. I quickly said no, they could show me in the morning, knowing my new car was sitting in their garage waiting for our meeting.

Mom said it will only take a minute and like a robot my dad drove off, “it was right there… so close!!”. They belted out in laughter and said, “is that why you wanted to get home?”. I said, “I just bought a car that I have not seen or driven yet, and you want to take a ride down the road for no reason?!” They laughed all the more as they drove down the street and showed me where they were stuck…

Never again!

So you probably are already aware of the fact that I am a pretty big football fan, I’m not sure exactly what would have given that fact away but it may have been my past writings such as What To Do About My Favorite NFL Team Helmets, What To Do About Wussy Football Team Names, or maybe it was my most recent football related article What To Do About Winning Your Fantasy Football League…Again. Either way, you are now aware of it. I also prefer NFL football as opposed to the high school or college level and my team of preference happens to be the Cincinnati Bengals, but you were probably already aware of this fact. I’m not totally sure how you knew that but my gut says you probably read my past blogs like What To Do About Being A Bungle, What To Do About How Much The Bengals Suck Right Now, and What To Do About Ocho Cinco. Why am I saying all this you ask? Because I have a problem, it’s actually more like a disease and I don’t know the cure! It’s called THE OFFSEASON.

“So what should I do Nate?” I ask myself. I try to get my Bengals football fix by paying attention to the Scouting Combine, reading mock drafts, reviewing story lines and various team needs, anticipating free agency, and then enjoying the NFL Draft come late April.

Maybe each NFL franchise could actually have 2 teams, maybe an A-Team and a B-Team, this way the B-Team could play while the A-Team (this is not a group of special forces featuring Mr. T) is having their off-season. Whichever team would win the “Offseason Super Bowl” would get to wear t-shirts sort of like this one:

Would this solve my problem or would I risk burn out? Hmm, this is probably a bad idea.

Or maybe I should start recording all of the games from the previous season and then somehow burn them to DVD if I am not able to save them on DVR, that way I can re-watch all of the best Bengals games from the previous season! Yeah, that’s what I’ll do! But what if the Bengals only win 3 games that season? That would kinda suck, then I wouldn’t be motivated to re-watch those games. Grrrr, yeah bad idea.

What to do, what to do…I mean the juices are flowing but how about some help people?!?!

At least baseball season starts in April and that will help lessen my football cravings for at least a month.

So, you are thinking about a career change huh? Well, let me be the first to tell you to avoid international espionage. Trust me, it is not as glamorous as it seems.

Sure it sounds cool, and it has its moments of danger and excitement, but in the end it leaves you strung out with no friends and living a life of constant compromise.

You spend weeks, months, and years studying your target, and most likely your target has been studying you as well. Finally the time arrives when you will come into close proximity, which of course can be extremely dangerous, but also invaluable for gaining invaluable intel.

Once you are in close proximity with the target, you must keep all your wits about you. You must remain vigilant and observant so that no signs are left unnoticed or unheeded. Due to the intense study of the individual, targets of opposite gender often fall in love. Then, when they are no longer in close proximity, the relationship is faced with the brutality of the occupation torn in pieces by the maddening love affair which is made worse by the distance that separates the fated lovers.

How would I know, you ask? I have been there. They say hindsight is 20/20, I wish it were 20/200, that way the past would be blurry. Alas, take my advice, leave the life of espionage, marry the girl/guy and if you must, move to a remote island where no one will find you.

How quickly we forget what it was like to be sitting at a table staring at broccoli or brussels sprouts, crying and telling our parents that we didn’t want them, or that we did not like them. I remember doing that with my brussels sprouts till they were so cold that they made me gag, but I had to sit there till I ate them. Why? Because there were starving kids in Africa! I think I was only in the 6th grade when this happened to me, but it is burned into my memory like a cattle brand on the ass of some prime A beef!

Something I never thought of as a kid, is that, maybe I just didn’t like vegetables and was more of a meat eater. Or, maybe I am a carb kid like my oldest son. He takes after his mother with his overwhelming need to have pasta, noodles or toast. As where my youngest loves meat and vegetables, this is how I know he is not mine. But that is another blog on another site somewhere…

I find myself demanding my kids to eat their dinner and stop crying, well, not both kids just the one that doesn’t like vegetables. I know he is like me to some extent, but I sure don’t remember being so crazy about it. Crying while he is eating is not a pretty site, might I add. Just tonight he was nibbling on a piece of broccoli so as to make it look like he was taking a bite, but just then it fell on the ground. This made me really upset, and the dog really happy… I guess that is the one plus-side to the whole thing, my four-legged vacuum cleaner of a dog. He was in and out like lightning, no sooner had the food hit the floor and there is this black blur and then a burp. Just like that, the floor is clean.

I used to play this game with my dog at home, I would sit there till my parents got tired of watching me. They would leave the room, still yelling mind you, but from the living room. I would give bite by bite to my dog so that I could get up and maybe pee before bed. Sitting there for hours was a massive pain! I think I have a new way to deal with it, you see, my parents would put said food back in the fridge and warm it back up for lunch or dinner the next day. What if I just told my kids that if they didn’t eat, then I would put it back in the fridge for them to eat later, then tell them that they weren’t allowed to have anything for a whole day unless it was there dinner?

I think it could work, especially if I have them watch videos of starving kids in Africa at the same time. That is it! No food for 24 hours plus “feed the children” footage. This will make them thankful for their dinner, no?

We talk about cars a lot here at the what to do about headquarters, because we like fast cars and faster digestion! I know you were thinking I was going to say women, but alas, you are wrong… again.

Cars are better than women because they don’t talk back, and when you give them gas they don’t slap you! I mean, who’s ever complained about their car and their woman in the same sentence… unless it’s in a country song. I sometimes feel like I could detail my car in half the time that my wife could get herself ready. I mean come on, really? The beauty of a good clean finish on your car, you know that? When it gleams in your eye almost winking at you. That. That my friends is when you know you found something special, something that can only belong between a man and his car.

Now that you have found this lovely piece of machinery you must get it or keep it clean depending on the condition of the vehicle upon purchase. I have comprised a list of instructions for the detailing of your new chariot:

• Clean interior thoroughly with low gloss vinyl/leather cleaner - Low gloss because your dash doesn’t need to be so oily that you can’t touch it without getting grease stains on your hands or clothes. 
• Use a Q-tip to get into those hard to reach places - There is no reason your ac vents need to be dusty. Those seat belt slots should be well cleaned also!
• Vacuum like never before - Move the blasted seats up and suck the crap out from under the seats and on the sides were everyone likes to drop french fries.
• Wash car - Top to bottom with no drying of the soap or bathing the car in the sun.
• Dry car - Water spots suck!
• Dry door, trunk and hood jams - Thorough boys get more appreciation from the ladies, at least that’s what I heard
• Wipe down the engine - This will make you and your mechanic proud
• Do the windows! - There is no reason for slacking now!
• Dress the tires with tire shine - Make everything shine, but don’t put on so much that you get it all over the rims or splatter it on the car.

If you have not done ALL these things, then please don’t say things like, “I will detail the car for you” or, “she’s detailed and ready to go!” It takes about 2 hours to do it right, but the satisfaction will be worth it. You know you have done well when you can’t stop staring at it while you are walking away.

The date is 2/22 and I hope your wish comes true.
“But you say I’ll know before you do…And I hope your right.”

Todays best Facebook statuses currently being used by our friends (on Facebook that is) are listed below.

(names will remain anonymous)

1.) is trying to find her stride again. Left right left right… – (Sounds like John Kerry trying to make up his mind to me.)
2.) “One day I will travel to Mt Dew and build a aluminum cabin by it’s caffeinated river”
3.) “I just rescued a one-eyed baby bird! Holy cow! ha My day=made! ” – (Sounds like you rescued a “holy bird” to me.)
4.) “Why can’t I eat food without spilling it all over myself?!?” – (Maybe you make it taste better!? You should rub food all over yourself before serving it to guests, you might be on to something!)
5.) Did you know that you can use the word “burger” as a suffix on almost any word and it makes it much, much better? – (What To Do Aboutburger…sounds good, I’ll have that!)
6.) “I really really really really want a cupcake.” – (You must want yourself then Cupcake!)
7.) “How can a fragrance be “voluptuous”? That doesn’t even make sense” – (If more people buy it I think it’ll make a lot of cents.)
8.) “How would you like a giant pencil upside yo HEAD”

9.) “If you’re lucky enough to be at the beach you’re lucky enough.”
10.) “The American dream can be poisonous”

Become a fan of WhatToDoAbout.com on Facebook right here!

Times are tough, life is hard. I know. It is hard to not only manage the budget for food expenditures, but also to manage it in such a way that allows you to eat excellent, healthy food. Especially, since, well… for those of you who know me… well… you know me.

Ok ok, I am focusing now, stay with me. Let’s get this over with quick. In order to eat well on a budget you need to:

A) Be a very content person, and
B) Keep it simple.

Center your nutritious, cheap meals on whole, organic dried beans, legumes, brown rice, and quinoa. Sure, there are others, but I purposefully did not mention the others. Mmhmm.

When you are desperate for variation, and you are craving some meat to add to your base routine, scour the neighborhood. Many times you can find a stray that no one will miss. One quick blow to the head or slitting of the throat and in no time you will be roasting fresh meat over an open fire. Meat which you can add to a stir fry with your brown rice.

Also, you can haunt the local forests looking for mushrooms and berries. Yes, you can eat the berries right off the bushes. Well… not those berries… those are poisonous… but the other ones.

Every now and then you may just strike pure gold… as you may find a deer that has been freshly road killed! Venison! Yaaaaaaaah! If you happen on such a find you may be able to store enough meat to last you through the year… or you could invite all of your friends over to have a big party and roast the deer on a spit.

What about vegetables? I hear you, I hear you. I am a vegetable lover myself.

Find some farms that are near you that have lots of vegetables and plainly talk to them about your sicheeation. Oh yeah, while you are inquiring about vegetables make a quick scan for hens… egg laying hens.

Anyway, perhaps the farmer will give you vegetables in exchange for some chores, or give you a reediculous discount, or give them to you outright, OR, or, or, maybe they will let you glean their fields, just like the farmers in the Old Testament would let the poor glean in their fields. Hmmm.

Whatever you do, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT resort to:
A) Peanut butter and crackers
B) Ramen noodles
C) Bean burritos
D) Spaghetti-O’s
E) Bowls of cereal